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Well, this is a little straight to the point for my first post. lol.
My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for over 6 months now and are having sex on a very regular basis. He is a wonderful boyfriend; attentive, thoughtful, considerate, he even puts my big O before his! But something that continues to disgruntle me is his purchase of magazines and looking at porn online.
The magazine is relatively tame, and it's not an incessant habit... I am guilty of having looked at his computer history and found that he doesn't look at it often at all, usually no more than once a week. He constantly tells me that I'm beautiful, sexy and gorgeous. So to me, when he buys these magazines, he's saying that he prefers them to me. It hurts me to feel like I'm not good enough. How do other women feel on the subject? And, if men would like to contribute, what goes through your mind while you are doing these things?
I truly love my boyfriend and don't want to leave him. We've had a minor argument over this before but I don't think I articulated my point very well. Is there anything I could do to prevent him from doing this? I understand the online porn once in a while if he needs a fix when I'm not around (or even to be used as foreplay for both of us) but the magazines are simply to drool over flawless, photoshopped, busty beauties. Should I feel hurt?
Any feedback would be great.
Last edited by yankeegirl313; 12-13-2009 at 10:42 AM..
Well, this is a little straight to the point for my first post. lol.
My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for over 6 months now and are having sex on a very regular basis. He is a wonderful boyfriend; attentive, thoughtful, considerate, he even puts my big O before his! But something that continues to disgruntle me is his purchase of magazines and looking at porn online.
The magazine is relatively tame, and it's not an incessant habit... I am guilty of having looked at his computer history and found that he doesn't look at it often at all, usually no more than once a week. He constantly tells me that I'm beautiful, sexy and gorgeous. So to me, when he buys these magazines, he's saying that he prefers them to me. It hurts me to feel like I'm not good enough. How do other women feel on the subject? And, if men would like to contribute, what goes through your mind while you are doing these things?
I truly love my boyfriend and don't want to leave him. We've had a minor argument over this before but I don't think I articulated my point very well. Is there anything I could do to prevent him from doing this? I understand the online porn once in a while if he needs a fix when I'm not around (or even to be used as foreplay for both of us) but the magazines are simply to drool over flawless, photoshopped, busty beauties. Should I feel hurt?
Any feedback would be great.
Here's a tip - don't let ANYONE in this world ever tell you how YOU are supposed to feel about anything, okay?
Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are.
Now all that being said, people will try to tell you - this is just what guys do - get over it.
Well, yeah, a lot of guys do buy it - Hugh Hefner has gotten filthy rich off of people buying it.
BUT, if you are not comfortable with porn in your life, you are not abnormal. Many woman feel this way for all the reasons you have already listed. AND, you have the right to feel that way.
On the other hand, some woman are fine with porn in their relationship - they don't feel threatened by those fake boobs and air-brushed images. They feel like their guys take all that energy and channel it into their time together, so it works for them.
The key here is decide what YOUR personal comfort zones are. If you decide you can't have this in your life then YOU have to take a stand. Just remember, whatever you decide you must be ready to accept the consequences of that decision, okay?
In other words, you could better articulate your feelings to him and tell him this is a deal-breaker for you, but be prepared for him to refuse to give it up. If that happens, you have to know yourself well enough to stand up and walk away - OR - stay and get comfortable with the idea of him looking at it.
I wish you luck with deciding what to do.
Last edited by yankeegirl313; 12-13-2009 at 10:43 AM..
Personally this subject is a pet peave of mine. You asked so here it goes. When I lived in SoCal I belonged to the coalition against Pornagraphy and Sexual Abuse. I witnessed so much dystruction involving Porn. Horrific acts against children resulting from porn, destroyed marriages and women that spent hundreds of dollars recieving therapy because of the after math of this terrible thing that people do and think is ok. IT IS NOT OK. NO MATTER HOW IT IS JUSTIFIED. Have you ever read the testimony of Ted Bundy? If you haven't you should. Many of the most hanous and terrible crimes were commited by the fueling of porn somewhere in the lives of thoses who committed them.
1) I am a Christian so my belief may be different than yours. Jesus himself said that if you lust after a woman in your heart (mind) then you commit adultery with her. Adultery is wrong. So Porn is wrong, period...but then of course you have to be a follower of Christ and maybe you aren't. I can't make you believe what I believe but one thing I have seen through the many years of my life.... porn is dystructive no matter what it is used for. To use human beings for any purpose and bring them down to an animalistic nature is disrespectful and a downright shame.
2) Apart from the Christianity thing, if this porn issue makes you feel insecure or uncomfortable than you need to see that as a red flag. Trust me, your feelings will not go away and it will get worse. You may justify it now because the relationship is fairly new but later you will come to despise your boyfriend if not totally disrespect him. I just don't think Porn does ANYTHING good for anyone. I feel really sorry for those who are held captive by it's dystructive evil power. Sometime if you get the chance read Pure Desire by Ted Roberts. It is a very good book...
3) The most important thing is YOU. You are unique and beautiful unlike any other. Don't ever allow or let another man tell you differently, either by his behavior or with his words.
No, you shouldn't feel hurt. It's what men do. If you expect him to quit it, then be prepared to be alone. By the way, you should probably expect to be alone the rest of your life if you think any normal red-blooded heterosexual guy would give up looking at porn.
It's not a big deal. It's not like he's looking at porn INSTEAD of you. It sounds like it's strictly for his viewing pleasure when he gets the urge. No big deal, do him and yourself a favor and DROP IT.
You need to drop this guy as he is just looking at you as an object of desire just as in the porn magazines. If he cared for you he would stave away from the porn site as I don't see this guy committing to you in the future.
Like Loves said, they're YOUR feelings. You have to decide what you can or cannot live with, what you will or will not tolerate. BUT remember - he's just looking at these magazines and photos. It's not like he'll ever have a snowball's chance in Hell to ever meet any of these airbrushed lovelies.
My husband was into porn big time and it eventually effected us negatively. I am no longer comfortable with men who use/abuse porn.
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You asked so here it goes. When I lived in SoCal I belonged to the coalition against Pornagraphy and Sexual Abuse. I witnessed so much dystruction involving Porn. Horrific acts against children resulting from porn, destroyed marriages and women that spent hundreds of dollars recieving therapy because of the after math of this terrible thing that people do and think is ok. IT IS NOT OK. NO MATTER HOW IT IS JUSTIFIED. Have you ever read the testimony of Ted Bundy? If you haven't you should. Many of the most hanous and terrible crimes were commited by the fueling of porn somewhere in the lives of thoses who committed them. 
