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Honestly, I am a woman and I am pretty clueless when it comes to guys liking me and/or hitting on me. I am a very matter of fact person so I just want to be told outright hey, I like you.
But I have also found myself in "trouble" because I am clueless. I go along with the nice routine, not every really realizing that the other person is into me.
This guy sounds clueless. He is probably waiting on you to let him know you like him. That is, if he is bi or gay.
So your suggestion then would be what? I should have just said "Are you bi?" to him bluntly, watched in horror as he recoiled defensively and/or took offense, and then lost a friendship that I treasure and value very much? What good would that have done?
For your information his sister wasn't offended in the least bit, and she did promise me she wasn't going to "tattle" on me. What she did say was that out of their four siblings, he was the only one very, very uptight about his personal life---not sharing anything with anyone in his family. She said she worries about him, but I think she felt better when I reassured her that I wanted to keep an eye on him like his big brother (even though he's a month older than me!) She said she had no idea what his sexual orientation was, but she also told me it would be best to let him make a move if that's what his inclinations were. I agree totally, which is why I was flattered beyond belief tonight that he invited me to the mall with him to help him choose an outfit for a special event this weekend. I suggested we grab dinner afterwards, so we hit up Panda Express in one of the food courts. When we were texting back-and-forth and he said "Come join!" I just had to hop back in my car and head over to the mall that was ironically next-door to the office building I had just come home from! LOL!
After tonight I'm still not sure one way or the other if he has any interest in me. We're definitely at least at a "Bromance" level, but I've never before heard of a straight guy seeking out a gay guy to be his bromance "partner." I'm not saying it's totally out of the question, but it has to be rare, no?
You might as well just cut to the chase and just ask him I guess in an indirect manner which implies something. If he is, then go ahead.
And not all straight dudes are prejudiced against gay dudes. Maybe he likes you as a friend.
(Sigh). Talk about mixed signals. He drove back to his parents' home on Wednesday, December 23. I was working on Christmas Eve (so much for we government workers being "lazy") and not going "home" until after I got out of work. He was expecting a package to have arrived on the preceding weekend, but Virginia had a huge blizzard and all bets were off for the delivery of this Christmas gift. He sent me a few texts. He asked me if I could drop by his place after work on Christmas Eve to see if the package had arrived yet, and, if so, if I could drop it off at his place on my way back North. He offered to treat me to lunch as a goodwill gesture. I faithfully, as a good friend, trekked over to his apartment, but there was still no package. I texted him to let him know the bad news, and while he thanked me for driving out of my way to do him that favor he never broached the subject again of the lunch "date" of sorts. I didn't push it.
I think at this point I'm officially just going to give up and accept the fact that I'll be spending my New Year's Eve alone, swigging a bottle of champagne and playing my Dido CD. If he was non-heterosexual and remotely interested in me as more than just a friend I'm sure he would have made some sort of effort to let it be known to me by now. I hate to sound like such a Debbie Downer or even "desperate", but I just want so much to hold someone close to me and totally spoil them the way they deserve to be treated. As month after month after month of being alone mounts while I'm watching so many other friends marking anniversaries, getting engaged, having children, etc., I can't help but just feel as if there's something wrong with me.
That's not gonna work. I didn't read the last 3 pages, but you need to ask him. It's one sentence...
So I ask him "Are you gay?", "Are you bi?", "Do you like me?", etc., and then what, exactly, do you think would happen?
1.) If he wasn't bi/gay he'd be offended and be upset that I was mistaking his genuinely friendly advances for romantic ones. He might not want to have anything to do with me anymore because he'd be creeped out being around a gay guy who he then would know had some sort of feelings for him. He'd feel as if his masculinity as a straight dude was threatened.
2.) If he was bi/gay and NOT interested in me it would be a delicate situation as well where he'd feel awkward, wondering how to let me know that he and I played on the same team, but I'd be relegated to the bench, so to speak.
3.) Nirvana happens. I ask him bluntly. He stutters a bit, tries to deflect the question, but then eventually breaks down and admits it. I comfort him and hold him while he vents years of being "in the closet" to me, and I take us out to grab an ice cream while watching the ice skaters downtown. He feels the same way for me that I feel about him, and we live happily ever after.
Likelihood of #3 happening? 1 in 1,000,000. Sure, I'd be the happiest man on Earth if that was the case, but with all of the heartache I've had in life thus far I know that I'm not destined to have life progress so easily for me. I might as well just submit myself to the creepy married 55-year-old obese guys who keep hitting on me.
I need to make it CRYSTAL clear that I am NOT seeking to destroy the great friendship we currently have by prematurely trying to take it to the next level. We've known each other long enough and been alone together enough so that we SHOULD know each other well enough where it wouldn't be "too soon" for one of us to make an advance. The way I see it is that he knows I'm gay, single, and looking. I know he's single, but I don't know his orientation (he probably just assumes I think he's straight). As such, it SHOULD be up to him to make the first move towards me if he had any interest since he has much less of a risk involved (and knows that).
If you think about it, does it matter if he's bi, gay, or non-hetero? He needs to be interested. He needs to be into you in a NON-platonic way. We can label it however we like, but let's cut to the chase.
Just looking at the scenario you describe, whether they're male, female, straight, bi, curious, non-hetero, or gay, he does not seem interested in you. He does like you as a buddy or pal to hang out with. But that's it.
If I replace your friend with a "straight she", it is the same conclusion.
If i replace your friend with a "gay he", it is the same conclusion.
Etc, etc, etc.
If I were you I would get rid of all these expectations and hope, and simply regard him as a friend. Stop pursuing him altogether. The mind is a powerful tool. Focus on something else that interests you. You'll be surprised how quickly you'll fall out of love.
(Sigh). Talk about mixed signals. He drove back to his parents' home on Wednesday, December 23. I was working on Christmas Eve (so much for we government workers being "lazy") and not going "home" until after I got out of work. He was expecting a package to have arrived on the preceding weekend, but Virginia had a huge blizzard and all bets were off for the delivery of this Christmas gift. He sent me a few texts. He asked me if I could drop by his place after work on Christmas Eve to see if the package had arrived yet, and, if so, if I could drop it off at his place on my way back North. He offered to treat me to lunch as a goodwill gesture. I faithfully, as a good friend, trekked over to his apartment, but there was still no package. I texted him to let him know the bad news, and while he thanked me for driving out of my way to do him that favor he never broached the subject again of the lunch "date" of sorts. I didn't push it.
I think at this point I'm officially just going to give up and accept the fact that I'll be spending my New Year's Eve alone, swigging a bottle of champagne and playing my Dido CD. If he was non-heterosexual and remotely interested in me as more than just a friend I'm sure he would have made some sort of effort to let it be known to me by now. I hate to sound like such a Debbie Downer or even "desperate", but I just want so much to hold someone close to me and totally spoil them the way they deserve to be treated. As month after month after month of being alone mounts while I'm watching so many other friends marking anniversaries, getting engaged, having children, etc., I can't help but just feel as if there's something wrong with me.
Aww, I want to reach through the screen and you give a big, warm hug and then sit and listen to your Dido CD with you (love her!).
I understand how you want another person close to you - everyone wants that. There IS someone out there for you, someone wonderful, genuine, and amazing. If Mr. Mixed Signals is playing the good old game of hot-and-cold, perhaps you should look else where? I know how you may not want to "give up on him" so to speak, but you can still keep him on the back burner (just in case he decides to stop being vague) while meeting other guys - ones that you don't have to play the "does he, doesn't he?" limbo with. You're pretty hot - if I may say so from looking at your picture - and your personality seems dazzling based off your posts. Don't let this one guy get to you. Even though you may feel a great connection with him, there will be other people you connect with as well. Chin up and be optimistic. There is NOTHING wrong with you and you will find somebody that you can spoil to your heart's content and who will spoil you just as much in return.
If you think about it, does it matter if he's bi, gay, or non-hetero? He needs to be interested. He needs to be into you in a NON-platonic way. We can label it however we like, but let's cut to the chase.
Just looking at the scenario you describe, whether they're male, female, straight, bi, curious, non-hetero, or gay, he does not seem interested in you. He does like you as a buddy or pal to hang out with. But that's it.
If I replace your friend with a "straight she", it is the same conclusion.
If i replace your friend with a "gay he", it is the same conclusion.
Etc, etc, etc.
If I were you I would get rid of all these expectations and hope, and simply regard him as a friend. Stop pursuing him altogether. The mind is a powerful tool. Focus on something else that interests you. You'll be surprised how quickly you'll fall out of love.
You're right. I know that I'm just grasping at straws and hoping beyond all hope that something will materialize that isn't truly there. It's just that he and I mesh so well together. We have so much in common, I find him to be very attractive, we love spending time with each other, etc. I'd honestly do anything for him. It's just such a shame that this is destined to just be a plutonic relationship and nothing more. I honestly don't feel this way about someone very often at all. Sure, I feel lust quite a bit, but this is just so much more than that. I'd actually love more to just sweep him off his feet in a romantic gesture than to just have a passionate yet ultimately meaningless wild night together, which says a lot coming from someone who is practically a college dude with hormones oozing out of every pore. I'm not in "lust" with him. I'm in love with him. I'm feeling heartbroken tonight to know that I need to surrender these feelings, but I know it's for the best. If he's not interested in me, then why should I make him feel awkward or miserable by trying to throw myself at him? If you love someone you'd want them to ultimately be happy, even with someone else.
I'm sorry that I sound so morose or melodramatic in this thread at times, but I haven't truly been in love with anyone in years. I thought he may very well have been the one to break this streak, but it's apparently not meant to be. Maybe I'll just take my shirt off and go running by these creepy married 55-year-old dudes some more.
Aww, I want to reach through the screen and you give a big, warm hug and then sit and listen to your Dido CD with you (love her!).
I understand how you want another person close to you - everyone wants that. There IS someone out there for you, someone wonderful, genuine, and amazing. If Mr. Mixed Signals is playing the good old game of hot-and-cold, perhaps you should look else where? I know how you may not want to "give up on him" so to speak, but you can still keep him on the back burner (just in case he decides to stop being vague) while meeting other guys - ones that you don't have to play the "does he, doesn't he?" limbo with. You're pretty hot - if I may say so from looking at your picture - and your personality seems dazzling based off your posts. Don't let this one guy get to you. Even though you may feel a great connection with him, there will be other people you connect with as well. Chin up and be optimistic. There is NOTHING wrong with you and you will find somebody that you can spoil to your heart's content and who will spoil you just as much in return.
1.) Thanks very much for the kind word on my pictures. I don't hear many compliments about my appearance, and that just made my night! I was becoming depressed, but that just renewed my self-esteem quite a bit. Thank you.
2.) I think part of the problem is I'm mature for my age. Since moving to the DC area I've pretty much had zero issues with luring any number of suitors into the bedroom with me (perhaps a few too many, in fact). The problem? That's all they want. Sure, it may be "fun" to watch as someone's eyes roll back into their head for an hour or so, but then when they fly off your bed, zip up, and run out the door you just feel horrible inside. I connect well with guys twice my age. The problem? I am NOT sexually attracted to more "mature" gentlemen in the least bit. I'm in this conundrum then---too mature emotionally for my fellow horndog college dudes who don't want commitment but not at all wanting to get physical with anyone out of my age range who I'd mesh with very well on a non-sexual level. A healthy relationship needs both elements. With this guy I just get the sense that we'd be there to make each other very happy both inside and outside the bedroom. This is why I'm just so devastated, in a sense, to have to say good-bye without ever saying hello. Oh well. It's his loss. We could have had something beautiful together. I'm just tired of waiting though. It's been years since I've felt loved by anyone. I'm not making it years more.
OMG that was too long to read.....good luck with whatever you are having issues with.
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LOL! 
I don't hear many compliments about my appearance, and that just made my night! I was becoming depressed, but that just renewed my self-esteem quite a bit. Thank you. 