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So don't ask me to send flowers, gifts or be chivalrous in any way shape or form.
I can deal with rejection, that's a part of everday life. I'm protecting my "fragile" psychological state, which means I'm extremely careful who I send flowers or gifts to. As far as I'm concerned, women nowadays have to EARN my flowers or gifts, and it starts with a positive first impression. I'm getting better at weeding out the women who act like their sh^t doesn't stink, but every once in a while, I'll fall victim to a beautiful lady that gives me a purpose to seek her out and find out her truths. There are some good women in this world that appreciate the effort of time and thought that goes with sending flowers or gifts. At the same time, there are women with attitude who expect it, take it for granted and gauge the quality of the man by this behaviour alone.
I once asked a girl to dance at a club. She said, "no thank you," so I said, "don't thank me, thank God somebody asked you!"
Like someone said, most women today aren't worth pursuing. Yes, a real man is able to handle rejection gracefully but there's a way to reject someone respectful. A simple "No thanks, I'm not interested" is a nice way to let someone down. Men generally have issue with women who let them down rudely and have the nerve to get upset when those same men call them out of their name. Hello.....what were you expecting?
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Originally Posted by mango tango
WTF, man?
Should she have danced with you even if she wasn't interested?? She was polite about it too!! I guess we can add you to the Hi, I'm a bitter male because I suck at interacting with women club.
Based on the tone, one can assume he was rejected in a cold manner which is why he reacted the way he did. Women love throwing out the "bitter" card like it's nothing.
Like someone said, most women today aren't worth pursuing. Yes, a real man is able to handle rejection gracefully but there's a way to reject someone respectful. A simple "No thanks, I'm not interested" is a nice way to let someone down. Men generally have issue with women who let them down rudely and have the nerve to get upset when those same men call them out of their name. Hello.....what were you expecting?
Based on the tone, one can assume he was rejected in a cold manner which is why he reacted the way he did. Women love throwing out the "bitter" card like it's nothing.
It isnt anything..it has been overplayed to the extent of losing its meaning..Just like the racist, sexist, homophobic labels...
Based on the tone, one can assume he was rejected in a cold manner which is why he reacted the way he did. Women love throwing out the "bitter" card like it's nothing.
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Originally Posted by NorthsideJacksonville Women love throwing out the "bitter" card like it's nothing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by solytaire
It isn't anything..it has been overplayed to the extent of losing its meaning..Just like the racist, sexist, homophobic labels...
Bitter comes from reaching too high and falling short.
This perfectly describes the way many women approach attracting desirable men. This is why they use the term when describing men and relationships. It doesn't come close to describing the actual situation for men.
Men get bitter from years wasted and wealth stolen. Divorce can cause this if after working hard for years to build family wealth, they lose everything and are driven into near poverty. Relief is often the way they feel about the end of the marriage. Many have told me that.
Bitterness often also comes from wasting their youth on education and working 70 hour weeks to build a career and then find their opportunities circumscribed by the "need" to make room for women through reduced standards, affirmative action and rigged hiring and promotion policies.
Irritated would be a better term to describe many of the comments by men about the many pitfalls of modern relationships and marriage. They are irritated by the non stop b|tching by women's advocates over the past 40 years and the lies and shoddy "research" that support this industry.
An important point to consider for men 40 and up is that their fathers got married. What changed? Were their fathers bold aggressive men who raised "wimpscowards, sissies etc."? I think not.
What changed is that the concept of equals attracting equals changed about 1970. Before that, men could approach women of about their looks, class and economic circumstances and have a lot of success.
Then, the pill and the sexual revolution (or whatever you call it) changed this forever. Suddenly, the competition for the alpha types became fierce, as a significant proportion of women only considered such men to be appropriate for them. This left the next 20 % of men - reasonably good looking with a lucrative career - to those women who either realized they couldn't compete for the alphas or made so many trips to the STD clinic that they lowered their sights.
What did this leave for the 60 to 70 % of men who were left out. Well, for many, it was certainly not an "equal" and those who did look among such women were often, no make that usually unhappy with their choice. In fact, this entire pattern led to an amazingly high divorce rate AND many, many more who were very unhappy, even if they stayed together for financial reasons.
So now a woman asks why men in their 40s are not interested in making an effort!
Notaredneck: I understand your theory, and even agree somewhat. But you seem to feel that only men are the losers here. Men ALSO have unrealistic expectations that "women worth pursuing" must be of a certain height/weight/attractiveness scale. That scale has risen for women incredibly in recent years.
Both men and women are more demanding and picky about their partners than they used to be...it makes for a horrible dating scene, and a horrible marriage outlook.
As a society- we quit valuing others as PEOPLE. Scary.
Notaredneck: I understand your theory, and even agree somewhat. But you seem to feel that only men are the losers here. Men ALSO have unrealistic expectations that "women worth pursuing" must be of a certain height/weight/attractiveness scale. That scale has risen for women incredibly in recent years.
Both men and women are more demanding and picky about their partners than they used to be...it makes for a horrible dating scene, and a horrible marriage outlook.
As a society- we quit valuing others as PEOPLE. Scary.
I agree there are picky men. They are the 10% most attractive men that women crave and the wealthy. They are VERY picky.
As to the rest of men, they may want to be picky, but unlike most women, they can do little about it, so they compromise. In my experience, among middle class couples, the men, while no great catch on the attractiveness scale, are usually relatively better looking than their wives. Only among the wealthy is this reversed.
In contrast, average and better looking women, can do things to attract men and as a result can take a long time to realize that they should settle for inner quality rather than the superficial. They get too much reinforcement from better looking men who are using them for easy sex. Bitter is often the result.
Like someone said, most women today aren't worth pursuing. Yes, a real man is able to handle rejection gracefully but there's a way to reject someone respectful. A simple "No thanks, I'm not interested" is a nice way to let someone down. Men generally have issue with women who let them down rudely and have the nerve to get upset when those same men call them out of their name. Hello.....what were you expecting?
Based on the tone, one can assume he was rejected in a cold manner which is why he reacted the way he did. Women love throwing out the "bitter" card like it's nothing.
Sure I do believe there is ample evidence that there are quite a few undesirable women out there. I live in a rural county full of them. There might be one single, professional gal that I know of that might be worth dating. But just because there are so many undesirables out there doesn't mean you plain give up.
And before some defensive women pop up, when I mean undesirable I'm not even talking yet about the looks.
With women turning you down, if they are not respectful or nice about it then you want to do a runner anyways. Rather know they are a Royal B now than later. They are doing you a favor.
And much of it is up to you by being able to make good picks anyways. I was a lamb to the slaughter in high school/college but I am streetwise now and you don't get anything past me. I listen to my instincts and avoid much of this rejection now just because I make wise picks to begin with. Back in the day when I wasn't streetwise, I got rejected heaps and looking back it's because I made very poor choices who to approach in the first place.
Also when it comes to "reacting" who's in charge, you or them? For me I'm in charge of my own personal space and broads can toss whatever card out they want, but I have boundaries with people and I enforce them.
I see threads on this relationships forum all the time about people and all the bad stuff that happens to them. And when you finally get to the bottom of it, 90% of it they let happen. They complain, but don't change their behavior. And in regards to men pursuing women, sure the incentive can be lacking at times with what is going on out there but I think you have to decide to continue to move forward.
And if you feel you have reached the bottom of the barrel find another barrel. Traveling overseas I've met some of the most amazing women from down under, europe and south america. Not to say american women suck, but there are plenty of other options out there.
Notaredneck: I understand your theory, and even agree somewhat. But you seem to feel that only men are the losers here. Men ALSO have unrealistic expectations that "women worth pursuing" must be of a certain height/weight/attractiveness scale. That scale has risen for women incredibly in recent years.
Both men and women are more demanding and picky about their partners than they used to be...it makes for a horrible dating scene, and a horrible marriage outlook.
As a society- we quit valuing others as PEOPLE. Scary.
IMHO, a lot of the unrealistic expectations is media driven. Just about any mainstream fictional tv program or movie is idealized. Seems like every romantic comedy is that is targeted at the 25-45 age group, has the characters in the story in some vague high earning job such as head of magazine, they have the most perfect bachelor or bachelorette pads, a cool car, buff bodies and are never at work either.
Or even a realistic show like House Hunters on HGTV. I recently saw a 20 year old unemployed bozo in California buy a $300k property and was concerned about having enough room to entertain and storage for his motorcycles.
So I think when people are constantly saturated in this media all day, they create a lot of false realities in their mind.
1. They're not interested enough to pursue her, but if she starts pursuing them, that's cool. They're not going to turn her down.
2. They're afraid of rejection. If they put the asking in your hands, they cannot openly get rejected.
3. They give out their number to many girls. It's kind of like throwing out many fishing lines.
4. They don't have the time. (Note: This is a RARITY. If a guy likes a girl, he will MAKE time.)
I agree with this.
I've never had to chase a man or make the first move (I'm not old fashion, it was just the way I was raised). So there are guys out there who still pursue women. If you're not being pursued, see the above list for possibly why.
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She was polite about it too!! I guess we can add you to the Hi, I'm a bitter male because I suck at interacting with women club.