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I personally think if you are not interested in him that way you need to stop the friendly flirty stuff, accepting dinner and movie invitations, staying at his house. If I were a guy and you stayed at my house, I'd think everything other than platonic. if you are business partners, then be business partners and stop sending mixed messages. It sounds like you enjoy the attention but don't want anything other than that. I'd make it perfectly clear that you ONLY want to be friends, that there is NEVER going to be anything other than this and that you will stop sending mixed signals.
Glad you are able to use him for food, entertainment and attention. It seems like he was trying to romance you and finally figured out you were stringing him along....despite knowing his intentions.
Frankly, I would not "clear the air", he has figured out the situation so just let it be and don't go on any more dinner or movie outings with him.
In the future, remember this interaction when you find yourself on the wrong end of a "he's just not that into you" situation and you might gain some empathy.
OP: Why are you doing date-like activities with him if you aren't interested in him physically or emotionally? You're confusing the hell out of him right now, he doesn't know what to do because you're telling him one thing by going out with him, and telling him something different by not being physical with him.
It's like asking: "Why is my house burning down? I don't put out cigarrettes before I throw them in the trash, and I leave the stove on ALL THE TIME. I don't get it. I think I get it since I'm leaving hot things around my house that could start a fire, but I'm just not cool on the idea of my house burning down."
I think I already know the answer to this, but recently I've been 'going out' with a guy who is twice my age. We started off as business partners, but then he started taking me out to dinner and movies the past few weekends.
I knew he was attracted to me, but I wasn't sure he wanted to take it to that level. I didnt want to take it to that level either because he's not my type. We havent had sex at all.
Last weekend, he cancelled our 'get together' saying he was busy...and knowing him better than that (since last October), I think he's upset because I'm not putting out to him. He made a few gestures last time he was at my apartment, but I didn't make any moves. I've stayed over at his house several times already...spent 2 days there one time, and he never made any moves on me. So I thought it was all platonic.
The reason I'm not having sex is because #1 we are business partners. We work in photography. #2 he is not my type and I don't want to lead him on just because he buys me dinner and movies.
But at the same time, I feel Im leading him on by letting him pay for my meals. But he always extends the invitation and I just go along with it because I really cant afford but to eat at home right now. Last weekend I ordered a glass of wine with my dinner. Which may have made it to 'datelike' ...I'm a bit of an addict but had I had wine at home like I do now, I would have certainly shared with him.
I dont know, what you think?
I'll go right out and say it: you're USING HIM for his resources and attention. That makes you nothing more than the typical validation seeking attention wh*re in my book.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rubber_factory
I think you are blatantly misleading this fellow and using him for a meal ticket.
If I go after a person who is friendly but decisively not-interested, typically she will refer to me as "Friend" or "Bud" if we set up plans to do something, and she might try and split the cost of the meal if we hang out. I'd find it dishonest if she allowed me to take her out and buy her meals (not just one, but for several weekends), take her out and entertain her, and stay at her apartment....only to blindside me like you're about to do with this poor chap.
EXACTLY!!!
Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot ladies and they were having sex which him leading her on as though they're getting serious, then suddenly when she wants to talk about their relationship, which she wants, and he puts the breaks on and is like "Whoa whoa whoa! This is just a physical thing to pass the time. I don't like you like *that*." You'd feel used and hurt for being made a fool of. That's the same thing he's going to feel.
Stop being such a "user". This guy figured out that you were only using him for free food. BTW how often to you go out with friends and pick up the tab? Or do you just hang out and let others pay for your meals?
If you intend to be romantic with him, and all you want is friendship or a business relationship with him, you should be taking turns paying for your excursions out together. A good friendship should be equal parts of give and take.
There is nothing to talk about or clear the air, that's a bit pretentious. It's not as though he made any unwanted advances. Seems he's finally figured out he won't get anywhere with you and is throttling back. From this point forward you should offer and insist on paying your own way if you have no intentions of taking things a step further. You should have done that months ago.
Sometimes I feel sorry for the women on here who come for advice and the men rip them a new one. I don't feel it for you, because you blatantly said you are using him for dinners because you can't afford to eat out otherwise.
Get a grip girl, no one owes you anything. (per debate thread) Luckily this man figured out what you are doing. You need to hope it doesn't mess up your business relationship.
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...I'm a bit of an addict but had I had wine at home like I do now, I would have certainly shared with him.
