Confrontation with a Cheater and His Girlfriend (dating, sociopath, married)
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I need some help and advice. I am really lost. I have been seeing this guy for 4-5 months. We started casual but I started developing feelings soon and I talked to him about it. Based on his behavior, he started slowly modifying things to make me part of his life. Now, in the mean time, I have been warned before that he has had a reputation. He also kept an active OKC profile the entire time I was with him. It was fine with me, as I also had my profile up but was not using it as much. Throughout our courtship, he did have a behavior of someone who is dating around. It did not bother me as I had the same options - to date around. Over the summer, he traveled extensively, both times claiming that he was doing solo trips - one to Asia and the other to attend his friend's wedding. He never invited me to these trips and when suggested, he said that his friend's wedding is very small and guests have not been invited.
Come this Sunday, I normally go to this 11 am yoga class. I got there 20 minutes early, parked the car and decided to walk around a bit in that neighborhood, as the weather was great in SF. Two seconds into my walk, I bumped into him and this woman. I could not believe my eyes . They were walking like a loving couple that spend Saturday night together and went for a Sunday brunch. I said hi, introduced myself. He started rushing away, like they had to go. I asked the woman whether she was his girlfriend. She said with a funny laugh "I certainly hope so..." Sounded like what else can it be. Anyways long story short, I confronted to her that we have been seeing each other and that he never revealed that there was a serious relationship. Turns out they traveled together, they went to his friend's wedding together. I felt lost and betrayed. He emailed me later and said that I am a psycho woman who made a scene in the street. Perhaps I should have acted differently, perhaps I should have acted "cool" and walked away. I feel so lost. She knows about me now. She had NO IDEA that he was seeing other women and also no idea about the OKC. Did I overreact? Perhaps this was another woman he was seeing but in more serious terms but still casual? Perhaps I should have kept my cool? Please advise.
I'm not sure what advice you're seeking. He's a player and a cheat, you caught him, end of story, move on. Yeah it hurts but it's better than marrying him and then finding out. I'm sorry though, it's a crappy situation for you.
Your actions were not unreasonable at all, you had every reason to be upset. Consider yourself lucky you never married. It would serve that idiot right if the other woman dumped him.
He's an ******* and you just had the misfortune of crossing his path.
I can bet after his relationship with this other woman ends, he'll be back in your inbox trying to hook up in the future.
Move on. He's a jerk trying to have his cake and eat it too. I really don't get why folks STILL continue to play the field and try to have a relationship as well. It's beyond greedy.
It was a casual relationship from the beginning. You were not dating him exclusively; there was no question about that. Maybe you were in denial about the status of your relationship, but live and learn.
My advice: If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen. That is, if you can't handle casual sex outside of exclusivity, then stop doing it.
I think you owe him an apology. The fact is, who he spends time with when he isn't with you is not your business. In my opinion, he wasn't "cheating" because there was no exclusive relationship.
Ok, he is also turning 50 next year, so this is not someone young.
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. They were walking like a loving couple that spend Saturday night together and went for a Sunday brunch. I said hi, introduced myself. He started rushing away, like they had to go. I asked the woman whether she was his girlfriend. She said with a funny laugh "I certainly hope so..." Sounded like what else can it be. Anyways long story short, I confronted to her that we have been seeing each other and that he never revealed that there was a serious relationship. Turns out they traveled together, they went to his friend's wedding together. I felt lost and betrayed. He emailed me later and said that I am a psycho woman who made a scene in the street. Perhaps I should have acted differently, perhaps I should have acted "cool" and walked away. I feel so lost. She knows about me now. She had NO IDEA that he was seeing other women and also no idea about the OKC. Did I overreact? Perhaps this was another woman he was seeing but in more serious terms but still casual? Perhaps I should have kept my cool? Please advise.
