Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Chocolate -- This is exactly why I never participated in an online forum before. Just joined C-D on 12/28/09. People were always telling me how great it is, so I finally joined. Well, now I'm having second thoughts about it. Your situation with this nut case is a fine example of how these things can get out of hand and go wrong. The thought of losing my online anonymity scares me.
I post on a few online forums like this one but the only way that someone would find out who you are is if you tell them. I've noticed that a few people have used a regular name instead of something like PJ8 or MontanaGuy and I'm guessing it's probably their real name. That would probably not be a wise thing to do. After you've been here quite awhile you can get a feel for who you can trust and who you'd rather stay away from. Now I have quite a few friends from City Data who I know by name that I know I can trust and I enjoy talking to them.
I would just say that an online dating site has the potential to be a little risky because you're going to probably end up meeting people in person and sometimes they're not what they pretend to be. I'm sure it's more of a risk for women than men of course so it does pay to be cautious.
Ha! He just wrote from another address, pretending to be someone else interested in my ad, that I no longer have up. Funny thing was that this address looked familiar and when I did a search in my email, it comes up as someone to avoid. I had a problem with before. He's playing to be two totally different people. Wacko.
He is definitely fixated on you, it's a good thing that you took the precautions you did so he couldn't find out who you are. I know you said you hadn't read the last batch but if it was me I think I'd want to find out if his emails are becoming more aggressive or threatening in any way. I remember once when my nephew was a young kid and he got on the internet and got really obnoxious with a few people and someone contacted my sister's internet service provider and they actually turned off their service for awhile. That might also be worth looking into.
He is definitely fixated on you, it's a good thing that you took the precautions you did so he couldn't find out who you are. I know you said you hadn't read the last batch but if it was me I think I'd want to find out if his emails are becoming more aggressive or threatening in any way. I remember once when my nephew was a young kid and he got on the internet and got really obnoxious with a few people and someone contacted my sister's internet service provider and they actually turned off their service for awhile. That might also be worth looking into.
I read some of them, they are becoming more and more aggressive. Pretty sick stuff. Negative attention is better none with these types, so I'll wait and see if he loses steam.
Here's a link that might have some useful information:
Cyberstalking: what to do (http://www.sexualharassmentsupport.org/CyberStalkWhatRes.html - broken link)
One of the options they suggest is to have your provider change your email address.
Even if you hide your identity online, there are ways that a stalker can find out about you. If you're EVER filled out an info sheet (eBay, etc., or even some forums) with personal info, the ugly truth is that that info is only as secure as the weakest link in the chain - usually, an admin.
I've heard stories (don't know if they're urban legends or not, but they're certainly within the realm of possibility) of "corrupt" admins selling off personal info. Ugly but possible.
I received an email from someone who wrote to me about a year ago when I was actively searching for a relationship. We exchanged niceties and I told him I found someone. He invited me to lunch and I declined, politely. Then the psycho babble started.
"So, you weren't actually looking for friendship like you stated in your ad."
What is he, a litigator?
When I ran into Mr. Adversarial--and I'm convinced it's just one man doing this to the entire female population of planet Earth because my girlfriends and I have all encountered him at one point or another--I just didn't reply. It's none of his dang business, and you don't owe him any explanations whatsoever.
If he's still writing to you, he probably has some untreated OCD coupled with a narcissistic personality.
The problem is that there is really nothing you can do about it legally unless he starts making threats. See, when he was bothering me, I spoke to the police in his state and mine at the time, and they were pretty much like, "So he wants to be your friend and you don't want to be his friend? Then block his e-mails and ignore him."
Chocolate -- This is exactly why I never participated in an online forum before. Just joined C-D on 12/28/09. People were always telling me how great it is, so I finally joined. Well, now I'm having second thoughts about it. Your situation with this nut case is a fine example of how these things can get out of hand and go wrong. The thought of losing my online anonymity scares me. This guy who is e-mailing you is very creepy. Definitely block his messages and do not respond to any more of them. Good luck!
If you run into stalker trouble or harassment on C-D, that is what mods are for.
Here's a link that might have some useful information:
Cyberstalking: what to do (http://www.sexualharassmentsupport.org/CyberStalkWhatRes.html - broken link)
One of the options they suggest is to have your provider change your email address.
Thanks, MG, for the link and for helping.
I don't use my provider address. I have an online based account on Gmail. It would be as simple as deleting the account, but I really don't want to do that just yet. I'll tell you why as this is the problem with the advice on that site:
2. If you are getting harassing e-mail, get a new account or request a new log-on name and password from your Internet service provider. Close your old account. Learn how to use the filtering capabilities of your e-mail program to block e-mail from certain addresses. (Also, see below about e-mails and texts)
3. Save every piece of communication you get from the cyberstalker. Save all of the header information you can if it’s an e-mail or newsgroup posting. Print a hard copy, and copy the communication to a disk for documentation.
If I close my account, I won't have access to the original emails that are actually on the server. The authorities will want to see the email directly from the account, on the server, so they know it was not forged or altered. What looks like an email can be created pretty easily and it isn't very reliable as evidence.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SifuPhil
Even if you hide your identity online, there are ways that a stalker can find out about you. If you're EVER filled out an info sheet (eBay, etc., or even some forums) with personal info, the ugly truth is that that info is only as secure as the weakest link in the chain - usually, an admin.
I've heard stories (don't know if they're urban legends or not, but they're certainly within the realm of possibility) of "corrupt" admins selling off personal info. Ugly but possible.
It's horrible, isn't it? There is always the possibility. I just don't think it is very likely. I have never used this particular email address for anything other than the online dating scene, I never paid for a membership and never gave my real info, so that avenue would be out for him. I'm sure there are other ways and I am certainly keeping my o's eyepen.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
