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You just met him. Then it's very easy to tell him he is getting all needy and lovey-dovey, and ask him to bugger off coz it's annoying you. He'll be depressed for a week and he'll get over it.
In the meantime, you can find that perfect gentleman who sees 3 women at the same time. It's way too convenient, coz he's talking to 3 women and you get just a third of his time
When you wannabe left alone, he's talking to 2 other cool chicks. And he sure will rotate you when the other chicks need lone time.
Go find'em, birdie
I think you're missing what I'm getting at. I don't want to 'be left alone' and won't date a player. But there are people who are psycho and need to know where a SO is at all the time. Overbearing. There is a difference between that and caring. I'm just wondering where others have drawn that line in past relationships.
So I recently met a new guy that I know was burned in his last relationship (it ended more than a year ago). I can tell he is the loyal 'nice guy' type. But it got me thinking....would he be the kind of guy who wants to know where I am constantly because he's worried I'm lying or because he really is just thinking about me.
In light of Rugged's recent posts/dilemma (sorry Rugged) - I'm wondering, where do you draw the line? While I'm all for a guy calling/being concerned/wanting to be protective, at some point it does become overbearing. (I know this works both ways too!)
So at what point do you wonder if they are just concerned or care about you versus clingy/needy/controlling?
Thoughts? Experiences?
my input: politely tell him to stop doing it... it should be easy to determine whether he's simply nice and concerned or whether he's a control-freak by his reaction.
I think you're missing what I'm getting at. I don't want to 'be left alone' and won't date a player. But there are people who are psycho and need to know where a SO is at all the time. Overbearing. There is a difference between that and caring. I'm just wondering where others have drawn that line in past relationships.
So at what point do you wonder if they are just concerned or care about you versus clingy/needy/controlling?
Thoughts? Experiences?
If you disappeared for days/weeks, it would be cause for concern. If after you disappeared and told this person that you just need some time to yourself (maybe you have some stuff going on in your life), they continue to blow your phone up, it would be clingy/needy/controlling.
The bottom line is boundaries. Some people have no clue what they are. They're harmless in some cases, but being "concerned" is more about them than it is you. They want to be the savior and as selfless as it sounds, that is a controlling mentality. If, they want to keep tabs on you and are using "concern" as an excuse, the same applies. Someone who really cares about you will know when you need to be alone and respect your space after being told and even without having to be told.
If you disappeared for days/weeks, it would be cause for concern. If after you disappeared and told this person that you just need some time to yourself (maybe you have some stuff going on in your life), they continue to blow your phone up, it would be clingy/needy/controlling.
The bottom line is boundaries. Some people have no clue what they are. They're harmless in some cases, but being "concerned" is more about them than it is you. They want to be the savior and as selfless as it sounds, that is a controlling mentality. If, they want to keep tabs on you and are using "concern" as an excuse, the same applies. Someone who really cares about you will know when you need to be alone and respect your space after being told and even without having to be told.
If after you disappeared and told this person that you just need some time to yourself (maybe you have some stuff going on in your life), they continue to blow your phone up, it would be clingy/needy/controlling.
The bottom line is boundaries. Some people have no clue what they are. They're harmless in some cases, but being "concerned" is more about them than it is you. They want to be the savior and as selfless as it sounds, that is a controlling mentality. If, they want to keep tabs on you and are using "concern" as an excuse, the same applies. Someone who really cares about you will know when you need to be alone and respect your space after being told and even without having to be told.
This is good, and I agree, that you will know the diffrence in just being concerned, and then just being to clingy.
For me, when I think the SO's behavior borders on ridiculous, then that's when I think they're being clingy/needy. For example, an ex was calling my job and family because I didn't get home at my usual time. I stopped for milk on the way home and he was hunting down my azz. Jerk. That's why he's an ex.
It really depends on what your "contact comfort level" is. For example, I dated a guy who I had a very high contact level with. We called each other first thing in the morning and the last thing at night, as well as a few calls in between everyday. On the other hand, I have an ex who, even when we were a couple, would prefer to go days without calling. I was fine in both, though I preferred the first.
If his contact comfort level doesn't match yours one of you has to make an adjustment so both of you can feel secure and comfortable with the relationship.
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