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During marriage preparation, I remember the strong emphasis on how the spouse comes first. A strong relationship is the foundation for a family. It's at home that a child learns about love, commitment, respect and security. I don't make a distinction between spouse or children coming first. To me, they are all "my family" and in my list of priorities they are at the top.
Smerky, as kaykay and Lisa pointed out your whole outlook on life pretty much changes when you have a child. Its hard to explain the protective measures a parent will go through to protect their child. I also did not understand this before I had children. I will tell you this after I had my first I appreciated my parents on a whole different level that I could not understand prior to my sons birth.
Impressive. Last time I checked, the OP was asking what "you" would do and what your opinion was. I gave my opinion. Do I have children? No. Am I married? No. Is that how I feel? yes and really, its quite rude of you to insinuate that I am wrong in how I feel. Perhaps that'll change over the years. Perhaps not. But the funny thing is, this thread isn't even about me. So let's not make it so with the personality analysis and gossip, mmkay?
You're right. Sorry. However, in a forum I've learned that people WILL comment on what you've said, and that's kinda what makes it interesting...to see who agrees and disagrees. But sorry if you found it offensive or over the line.
First off I think we should give smerkygirl a break. No she's not married and no she doesn't have kids, but she's just adding her opinion.
The family unit is very important to me, and my husband is the father of my children. I put him first because I feel it strengthens the family and will have the trickle down affect to the children. I feel like he and I are a team and it makes sense. I don't think the "who would you save question" gives much insight though. If you are a mother, it's pretty obvious who you'll pick.
That being said, I would not put my husband first if he were not the father of my children. My mother has been married several times and when she married her second husband she informed me that he was the most important and that my needs would have to wait. A few years later and "he" is gone.
If you have a strong relationship you both put your children first, they didn't have a choice to be there. Love can be shared equally between the whole family.
it does depend on the situation, if its your first marriage then, the parental unit has more weight,,,but when divorced, and marrying for a second time,,then its different,, marriage number two spouses MUST respect,,,encourage and foster the other spouses relationship with thier kids,,,some spouses,,want to be the only center of attention,,and are jealous of the other spouses kids,,,very gray area,,
if the kids are being fed poison by a divorced parent against the other,,,or the kids are trying to manipulate,, a new relationship,,or marriage of divorced parent,,,thats thats wrong,,has to be a united adult front,,
I just had to end my relationship with my girlfriend because of this subject....
She doesn't come from a disciplinarian background and there were often times when we were out with her 8 year old son and he would misbehave but she didnt do anything as a punishment but only told him to stop in which he usually would end up just doing the same stuff the next time we were out which in my view means there were no consequences when she said "no" to him.
i explained to her that it was frustrating watching him get away with things without a proper punishment and i tryed to let her know that we couldnt live together in the same house without stricter rules and punishments because i didnt want to live without order..
she didnt see what he was doing wrong and didnt budge at making a comprimise in changing the way he listens to her or how he talks back to adults so i had to end it
i really cared about her but from her childhood she didnt see why i was so stressed about things she let her son get away with since she wasnt ever punished for those kinda things.....
if two people are going to last together they have to have the same beliefs and goals and the same direction in life...
THASPECIAL ,
Good 4 u, I know you understand the way things have to be in order for life with someone else will work. Now a days alot of Lady's think that their kids do no wrong. or they think, I am NOT going to treat my kids the way my parents treated me.... So, the kids now learn how to controll the parent. To have a step child look at you and disrepect you or tell you you can't touch me because I'll call CPS is why this up coming generation is in alot of trouble. It's sad, It's going from the babby boomers to the babby losers. The USA is going to have alot of trouble in the next 20-30 years and I hope some of the kids make it to see their kids grow up. God, help us and them all. Woodz
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However, in a forum I've learned that people WILL comment on what you've said, and that's kinda what makes it interesting...to see who agrees and disagrees. But sorry if you found it offensive or over the line.
