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No, I don't think people "owe" an explanation of past breakups. I do hope she gained something from her experience, though, and doesn't repeat her mistake. It sounds like she has.
I have no doubt that there are things that most of us have done in the past that we would never do again because we realized what a huge mistake it was. If we disclosed all of the sordid details of anything we're ashamed of in our past to a potential husband or wife there's a good chance that not very many people would be getting married. Of course it also depends on how serious it was, if someone is a convicted felon even if it happened 30 years ago I would think that they should be explaining what happened and how they've changed their life. But there are other matters that may have not been illegal but they were immoral that don't necessarily have to be disclosed.
I have no doubt that there are things that most of us have done in the past that we would never do again because we realized what a huge mistake it was. If we disclosed all of the sordid details of anything we're ashamed of in our past to a potential husband or wife there's a good chance that not very many people would be getting married. Of course it also depends on how serious it was, if someone is a convicted felon even if it happened 30 years ago I would think that they should be explaining what happened and how they've changed their life. But there are other matters that may have not been illegal but they were immoral that don't necessarily have to be disclosed.
Yeah, I don't think we have to go back and confess to every sin we ever committed. Ha, wouldn't THAT be a long conversation...
if he ever finds out, the relationship is doomed....tell him up front, then there are no lies to cover
I would never get married if I didn't feel I could be 100% honest with the person I was marrying and that they would be the same to me.
If I married someone and found out afterward that they had with-held information like this from me, I don't think I could ever trust them again.
Lying, is lying. AND by the way, withholding something from someone that they have a right to know, is also lying...I think your perspective mate has the right to know if you have had a problem with fidelity in the past.
I honestly don't know....say he was the one who cheated on his ex wife. If he told me this now and I was to marry him someday...I would always ponder this in my head "Is he going to to this to me?" And set forth the paranoia..."Where you going", "With whom?", "When are you coming back?"...
I honestly don't know....say he was the one who cheated on his ex wife. If he told me this now and I was to marry him someday...I would always ponder this in my head "Is he going to to this to me?" And set forth the paranoia..."Where you going", "With whom?", "When are you coming back?"...
Someone close to me is getting married a second time. Her first marriage fell apart for many reasons, but the main reason was her infidelity. She felt neglected in her marriage so she cheated. She later confessed it to her ex-husband and they could never get pass that.
Right now, she is agonizing whether or not she should have disclosed this information to her fiance. My opinion is that what happened in the first marriage is the past that doesn't need to be rehashed. She is not a perpetual cheater, she regretted cheating and wouldn't want to put herself in this position again. So I don't think she needs to tell. She feels bad that her fiance doesn't know.
What is your opinion? Don't you think that sometimes the past should stay in the past?
She needs to be honest with her new bf. This is his life, that she's playing with. He should totally be aware of the truth and what he's getting into. If he wants to take that risk, then, at least he knows.
And people wonder why the divorce rate is so high. These 2 are getting married and they either have lied about the reason of a previous divorce or haven’t discussed it. Now all you who say if you say anything you are “dooming” the relationship, would you rather have a dating relationship end or a marriage? Because one way or another the truth will come out and it will be worse when it comes out later. Call me naive, crazy or whatever but in order to maintain a marriage there’s a reason to disclose something you don’t feel comfortable keeping a secret, however it should have been done awhile ago IMO. No you don’t have to disclose every other past relationship’s reason for breakup but you should discuss previous marriages and why they failed. If it’s meant to be they will discuss it and move past it.
To me this is her starting her second divorce not marriage.
She's getting remarried, certainly couples talk about why they divorced. Anyone who cheats has a reason, unless they're a serial cheater. Of course, eventually they may have divorced anyway, but he couldn't get past what she'd done. She's feeling guilty about the omission and knows this man well enough to know it'd bother him.
To some cheating would be relative to the new relationship, I'm sure you've heard the expression "once a cheater..always a cheater".
People live their life in chapters. She had a bad marriage in which she cheated for reasons we don't know. Not everyone's life needs to be an open book. She's clearly closed that chapter of her life and she should be able to put it behind her and not have to be judged by anyone for it any further. Especially someone who was not affected by choices. Her current fiance doesn't have to live with her past commitments. He doesn't need to know every flaw, mistake, or indiscretion. He and she, should be looking to the future and concentrate on one another.
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