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So if she isn't as pretty as you thought she'd be, you'd want to go dutch?
if I didn't find her attractive or there was no chemistry then I would not want to continue the date...
say no how? if the woman just calls the waiter and orders a bunch of stuff then what do you suggest? Fake an excuse and leave? How do you pay your share, just throw some money on the table and say "that should cover my drinks"?
Well, I guess the best thing to is to just keep it short and sweet until you've decided you like each other. I agree that it was bad form for the woman to extend the drink date into a dinner date. But it could have been prevented if the first meeting hadn't gone on and on and on. I think the most gracious way to have handled it would have been to end the date more promptly once the guy realized he didn't want it to go further.
There's a lot of misrepresentation in online dating by both genders. So I totally agree that you have to meet face to face and have a conversation before deciding if you want to really date. I get that.
Last edited by boodhabunny; 05-19-2010 at 09:11 PM..
> she could have ate before the date or after the date once she arrived home
Yes, of course she could have, Mr. Pointmisser. The point is, how long were you going to keep her out without offering her something?
When I was was dating (I did try online dating off and on for a few years when I was single). Not being willing to buy me dinner was a sign that a guy was one or more of the following:
1) Poor and can't afford to date me properly.
2) Financially stable but too cheap to date me properly.
3) Dating a lot of other women and hence, needing to budget for it.
4) Not that into me.
Is that really the impression you want to make when you are meeting a beautiful woman for the first time? Someone whom may potentially be your future wife?
Well I think that is why I have chosen quality over quantity and I'm sure a lot of my overseas experiences have driven myself to get to know someone much better before asking them out on a decent date. Years ago I was a bull in a china shop and had a poster board to keep track of all the women. I have to feel them out socially before making a move to ask for a date, if I can't do that somehow, too bad.
Two recent family tabs I have picked up have been $150 and $60. Don't mind doing it for great people but not willing to go out and "party" every weekend on whatever date I can scrounge up and blow money on that. Rather spend the money on racing, more fun.
if I didn't find her attractive or there was no chemistry then I would not want to continue the date...
say no how? if the woman just calls the waiter and orders a bunch of stuff then what do you suggest? Fake an excuse and leave? How do you pay your share, just throw some money on the table and say "that should cover my drinks"?
It happened to me in a big way on a blind date set up by a friend with other people there. She was a pig that ordered just about everything off that menu and wasted so much. Of course at the end all eyeballs were on me to foot the big three figure bill.
I could have stormed out but my friend had facilitated it and I have figured on giving her a try despite advice offered to the contrary. My mistake. So I learned.
That's why, seeing how the man is on the hook apparently, you really need to plan it out at a place where you can't get hoodwinked. A place that is nice, but doesn't have a burgeoning expensive menu.
I think women just like to see it from their perspective, "buy me, buy me, buy me" and really what do they care since the man is goaded into paying? And for a lot of men, myself included, it's not financially wise to be burning the plastic up on all these new dates. For women I think it must build them up some self esteem or I dunno. My sister sure enjoyed it and now married to the guy she's got a $50K+ credit card bill to pay and he is now somewhat unemployed. Cool.
I did the australian thing for a long time and there isn't a formal dating culture that exists and splitting the bill is "fair". Mention that to american women and they go berzerko and get indignant. Can't see what's wrong with it in this era of equal opportunity? After all if they want their dream man, what about our dream woman?
With the recession and the fact I am self employed I keep a close eye on my budget and also recently went back years to see what I spent money on. A substantial sum went to wining and dining ladies and I have to say for all the trouble it was, it sure as hell wasn't worth it. Yes there were some good times, but for the $$$ no forget it. Wont do it again like that. Again quality over quantity.
if I didn't find her attractive or there was no chemistry then I would not want to continue the date...
say no how? if the woman just calls the waiter and orders a bunch of stuff then what do you suggest? Fake an excuse and leave? How do you pay your share, just throw some money on the table and say "that should cover my drinks"?
I think you should be more selective about with who you go on dates on. Otherwise you'll keep wasting time on ten million people who you have no interest in.
> Can't see what's wrong with it in this era of equal opportunity? After all if they want their dream man, what about our dream woman?
Equal opportunity in our political and professional lives doesn't have anything to do with what makes our hearts sing.
I don't understand the logic of some who believe that equal rights for women in the workplace means that men no longer need to be gentlemen or that women should no longer expect any romance in their lives.
Before the date with your dream woman she probably made sure all of her body was silky and smooth (a painful, expensive, and time consuming thing to do). Your dream woman paid more for her shoes than you paid for yours. She paid more for her dry-cleaning than you paid for yours. She paid more for her haircut than you paid for yours. She may be working the same job but for less pay than you are paid.
She probably spent a great deal of time to make sure her hair smelled nice and that her clothing was just right without looking like she was trying too hard.
On the other hand, you probably put on the same khakis you wore yesterday and a crumpled shirt and had to choose between your brown shoes or your black shoes. If she's super lucky, you trimmed your nose hairs. And presto, you are ready to party!
I did Eharmony 4 years ago and doing it now. At one point 4 years ago I had 3 dates lined up in a week. I have learned from this...though I just learned something new about myself a few weeks back.
My first date from EH was a woman older than her picture. By all indications she was a serial online dater. She suggested a place for coffee. Turns out we get there and they became a dinner place. Oh oh. This was my first online date ever, so that one date turned into a $35 bill for me for just food and no drinks.
Future dates I still met for a lower key dinner place where it wouldn't be as expensive. And they weren't. But only one of those several amounted to a second date. I still paid even though it was clear that there would be no second date.
Then, a woman on EH suggested we meet for a drink and only a drink. We did. We get there, I order a beer and after 5 minutes she says "I see no connection nice meeting you" and leaves. She never touched her beer and I barely started. Hmmm....I'll try that next time. My last date on EH 4 years ago I did that, it went fine and we had a second date.
So now on EH I have met 2 women. The first was not a drinker. I am like, ok where do I take a non drinker for a first date? I know, indoor mini golf. She liked fun kids like stuff perfect right? Well, the place was blastingly loud and I learned about myself that I can't try and get to know someone without just talking to them. I can't multi task. She was kind of quiet, I was kind of quiet. I knew if we got out of there I would be more relaxed and fine and interesting...but she wasn't interested.
The most recent online date I decided to go for a drink at a cool pub with a big beer selection. I figure if it goes south, I have some good beer coming. Well, instantly we are hitting it off. So I decide to ask if she wants something to eat because it felt right. We split a pizza, had 1 drink each and I am on my 4th date tonight. 2nd date was live band and dancing and a couple of drinks, 3rd date dinner, tonight wine tasting her suggestion. Go figure there.
So in the end, keep the first for coffee, drink or something relaxing and fun if you can multitask. Date 2....spend the time and money.
I think if you are going to take on dating you should be able to take on the minor contingencies that come along with it, you win some, you lose some. Girls are going to stand you up, walk out on you, talk your ear off...you're going to meet people you find very attractive, but they have no interest, you are going to spend time and little bit of money on someone you may or may not see again. That's just what comes with the territory...if it's such a big deal for you, may be you should date less frequently or not at all.
And in TVSG's case, when the check came he could have said, "do you want to split this evenly or pay for what you ordered?" It may not have been the most polite thing, but it would make it clear that he wasn't treating her to dinner and not going to see her again. But no, he ate the check and is still whining about it years later.
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