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To the OP, men can and will say anything to keep good sex flowing. If he has been honest with you, you have nothing to complain about! If you stay, please do so with your eyes open, and don't assume you can change his mind or that he even has the slightest interest in you as anything other than a sex partner.
You guys don't really know each other; all you know is that your bodies connect well. That's not something to base a relationship on, and the emotions you're feeling come from the hormonal upheaval that occurs when women have sex. Men don't experience this to the same degree because testosterone tends to dampen it a bit. This is exactly why women shouldn't have sex too soon - because we run the risk of getting hurt!
You blew it when you had sex before taking more time to get to know him. I'm not condemning you for it, but I think you blew any chance you had of turning this into a serious relationship. You're the "fun girl", not the "I want her to be my wife and mother of my kids" to him, no matter how attentive he is.
To the OP, men can and will say anything to keep good sex flowing. If he has been honest with you, you have nothing to complain about! If you stay, please do so with your eyes open, and don't assume you can change his mind or that he even has the slightest interest in you as anything other than a sex partner.
You guys don't really know each other; all you know is that your bodies connect well. That's not something to base a relationship on, and the emotions you're feeling come from the hormonal upheaval that occurs when women have sex. Men don't experience this to the same degree because testosterone tends to dampen it a bit. This is exactly why women shouldn't have sex too soon - because we run the risk of getting hurt!
You blew it when you had sex before taking more time to get to know him. I'm not condemning you for it, but I think you blew any chance you had of turning this into a serious relationship. You're the "fun girl", not the "I want her to be my wife and mother of my kids" to him, no matter how attentive he is.
I used to believe this sort of thing, but now I am not so sure. I think if she didn't have sex with the guy early, they still wouldn't be dating with an eye towards something serious. They just wouldn't be spending time together at all.
We'll need men to weigh in on this, but this is what I think: (This theory applies to men in their 30s and older.)
Men like to have sex, as we know. If a man goes out with a woman and doesn't think of her as a long-term potential gal, he will still try to have sex with her if she's at least of average attractiveness in his mind.
If she says yes, he will have sex with her for as long as he enjoys it and she allows it. If she turns him down, he will walk away right from the start. Refusing sex will not make him work to form a relationship with you. (Sex traps only work on men under the age of 30.)
Turning him down just allows the woman to avoid wasting her time, if a relationship is her goal. As soon as the guy said "I'm not ready for a relationship" she should have heard "I will never be in a relationship with you" and made her decision with how to proceed accordingly.
I don't know how/why it becomes impossible to look at a relationship without getting all bogged down in the sex is the most important aspect controversy. Sex is sex. It's not this "white light" be all and end all. It isn't love. Not all ships are love relationships.
There are FRIENDships, PARTNERships, ACQUAINTANCEships, etc. So just because it isn't a relationship forged on love, doesn't mean it cannot include sex. Sex does not = love. Sex is sex. The sooner we take sex out of this huge romantic concept of bells ringing and toes curling and leave it as what it really is, the better off relationships will be. Personally, I'd rather have my floors vacuumed as a sign of my man's love for me than to have a screaming orgasm - not meaning that I don't want more screaming orgasms, but dayum, it's possible to have my bells rung by lots of men - it isn't a sign of love -it is a sign of lust and fun!
Him staying awake all night cuddling with me (on a school night) because I am having an anxiety attack IS a serious sign of love.
I think he likes you but just doesn't want to come all the way out and say it. If everything is going well and you feel good why put a label on it just now. He wants you to himself. You want him to yourself so something must be right.
I think he likes you but just doesn't want to come all the way out and say it. If everything is going well and you feel good why put a label on it just now. He wants you to himself. You want him to yourself so something must be right.
Thank you Recuerdeme. That is the way he makes me feel (even taking the sex out of the equation). We cuddle and talk about what is bothering us and stuff. He checks to see if I'm feeling better if I mention I have been sick. I think I am just insecure because of past relationships so I feel the need to label it. I know I shouldn't worry too much about that, and I am trying my hardest not too. It is just a little easier said than done.
I don't know how/why it becomes impossible to look at a relationship without getting all bogged down in the sex is the most important aspect controversy. Sex is sex. It's not this "white light" be all and end all. It isn't love. Not all ships are love relationships.
There are FRIENDships, PARTNERships, ACQUAINTANCEships, etc. So just because it isn't a relationship forged on love, doesn't mean it cannot include sex. Sex does not = love. Sex is sex. The sooner we take sex out of this huge romantic concept of bells ringing and toes curling and leave it as what it really is, the better off relationships will be. Personally, I'd rather have my floors vacuumed as a sign of my man's love for me than to have a screaming orgasm - not meaning that I don't want more screaming orgasms, but dayum, it's possible to have my bells rung by lots of men - it isn't a sign of love -it is a sign of lust and fun!
Him staying awake all night cuddling with me (on a school night) because I am having an anxiety attack IS a serious sign of love.
Correct me if I am wrong, but aren't you in your 50s or 60s? You have to understand that a person 20-30+ years younger than you will not have the maturity and emotional confidence you have. I guarantee you the OP hasn't been around the block yet.
Furthermore, some people cannot/will not have sex without love. There's nothing wrong with that - everyone is different. As long as a person is true and honest to herself, there's nothing wrong with rejecting the notion of a non-romantic sexually-based relationship. It's when woman convince themselves that they can handle it that trouble occurs.
I wouldn't try to have anymore heart to heart talks with him. He already has explained himself and how he feels. How much more clearly do you want him to explain it to you?
Stop exchanging 50 texts per day. Stop investing so much of your time and energy in him. He is a bad investment and has already told you so upfront. Proceed at your own risk, though I don't know why you would want to.
There are plenty of other men out there who would be thrilled to get to know you, appreciate you, and potentially love you. This guy never will.
As far as the hotel, we hung out for a while first. We also hung out most of the next day. For the poster who said he didn't imply anything, I only say he implied something because he told me that he saw something between us and wanted to see where it was going to go, but he never said anything about whether he still wanted to date other women or not. I did not get a chance to ask him because I, unfortunately had to end the conversation. I appreciate all the advice. The next time I see him, I think I will tell him I would like to hang out as friends and stop the sex until if/when he decides to become serious with me.
Good for you. You have to do what feels right for YOU. If you are no longer comfortable with a casual relationship, YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO CHANGE IT.
If he can't handle it -- NEXT!
Ignore the posters who are insisting that you are wrong-- you're not. You tried it and didn't like it. That's what dating is for.
Oh I'm sorry. I had the impression relationships are built on love. I never knew they could be built from sex.
You're ignoring the fact that they do other things together besides have sex, so those other activities are what the relationship is (also) built on. Just because people are having sex doesnt mean that's all thier relationship is-it might be-but it might not be, too.
And no, you can't build a relationship on love, because you don't love someone when you first meet them. You build a relationship or friendship (which is another form of relationship) then you start to love each other.
Good for you. You have to do what feels right for YOU. If you are no longer comfortable with a casual relationship, YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO CHANGE IT.
If he can't handle it -- NEXT!
Ignore the posters who are insisting that you are wrong-- you're not. You tried it and didn't like it. That's what dating is for.
I agree.
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If he has been honest with you, you have nothing to complain about! If you stay, please do so with your eyes open, and don't assume you can change his mind or that he even has the slightest interest in you as anything other than a sex partner.
