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What do you think of marriages where they say : " Oh we never fight or argue . We agree on everything...... This is within the first year of marriage or / a relationship ."
There is not much to agree/disagree about while you are still in your honeymoon stage. All agreeing/disagreeing usually starts when money are running thin and kids appear.
I had to train my late wife to argue. She never did the first couple years we were together. I'd suggest something and she was all for it. I had to say, "Look, I want another point of view. If you can think of an argument against my suggestion, please let me hear it." She finally did a few times, but we never raised our voices or got upset with each other during the 3.5 years we were together.
My "new" wife used to get angry every now and then, but she wouldn't argue. She'd be huffin and puffin and I'd have no idea why. Thankfully it was rare and hasn't happened in the last 5 years or so.
I know we disagree on some things, but I always figured I should pick my fights carefully, and I haven't found the disagreement yet that I think I could win.
My husband and haven't had a serious fight yet. We disagree about things and I've been mad a few times but "fighting" isn't really our style.
When we first became engaged, my teen daughter expressed concerned about our even tempers. "You should never marry a man that you haven't had a big fight with" she advised me as if she was a marriage expert.
Two and half years later and I guess we are still in the honeymoon phase. Knock on wood.
I know a couple like that. They started saying that from day one and are still saying it about 4 years later. The thing is, she decides everything, and when he disagrees, she acts like she doesn't hear him and then just does what she wants.
Let's face it, in marriage you aren't marrying a clone. You are not going to agree on every little thing. I believe in being civilized when working it out, but really things do need working out. Pretending to agree on everything doesn't solve problems, and its painfully obvious to everyone else that something must be lacking if you feel the need to put up such a front.
Most people I know don't "fight" with their spouse. They don't always agree and sometimes get mad about things, but one or both don't feel it's worth the fight because it's usually not something major to their lives anyway.
It's a matter of personality and individual style for how to deal with conflict and differences. We don't "fight" but that certainly doesn't mean we agree on everything. We actually disagree about many things but have a way of bending and flexing.
I like the house at a warmer temperature than my husband does. We have reached a "compromise" temperature for the house when he's at home. When he isn't home all bets are off.
I can honestly say that we've had one argument in 19 years. And it was over a vacuum cleaner attachment.
Personally, I don't get the school of thought where you're not in a healthy relationship if you're not occasionally yelling at each other. Hey, maybe if you're a hot head, but if you're even-tempered and considerate of one another, it just doesn't have to happen.
Does that mean you are a doormat? No way. Does it mean you can't have a disagreement? Of course not. But a mature couple knows how to reasonably discuss things and work out a resolution.
Well all couples are different and some very rare ones seem to have little in the way of argument and confrontation but I suspect they are in a tiny minority. As many people have pointed out the first year should be plain sailing for most....
I have been with Hubby for almost 22 years now, very happy and fulfilled years and we do bicker rather a lot ( and did even as a young fresh couple !!) . The idea of never having an argument with him is rather worrying actually, unless you are identical people ( which is IMO rather spooky) , arguments are not only natural but healthy.
It means both partners are comfortable with bringing out any issues and those do not fester until one or both implode.
I don't think fighting is healthy but arguing and being challenged certainly is. The problem comes when arguing becomes fighting and respect becomes a casualty of domestic war...
Hubby and I bicker quite regularily but always over rather small domestic issues, after 22 years we have yet to argue over anything fundamental , anything where a chasm of opinion would indicate a certain fissure of the relationship.
Agreeing all the time would be so incredibly tedious though. I have my views, he has his we just have to have it out sometimes but always in a respectful and loving manner.
I often want to throw sharp objects him and shake him ( not really) but it is all in a good humoured sort of way and we always resolve our differences. We are both stubborn so have learnt to both relent ! Little bickers are not damaging. Big divergences in beliefs and ideals to me however would be a sign of a serious problem.
I would hate to think we could not talk to each other ( which does also take the form of argument) and instead kept all our pressures and feelings of "injustice" tightly locked in inside . That would be very bad.
arguments are not only natural but healthy. It means both partners are comfortable with bringing out any issues and those do not fester until one or both implode
By that logic, most couples should argue 24-7. You can bring out any issues WITHOUT resorting to arguments. If you can't have a rational discussion with your spouse without screaming, that says volumes about you. It's about stopping a potential argument before it starts. Couples don't have to co-sign each other all the time but it's all about doing whatever necessary to have harmony and if it means destroying any underlying discord, so be it.
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