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A friend of mine and I were having this discussion the other day.
She has an autistic son and the current guy who she is interested in admitted it would be too much for him to handle and thats why he thinks it wouldnt work out. She isn't mad at him but glad he was honest before they got involved.
I dated someone who drank way, way too much. I handled that but I couldn't handle his family who wished I would die and showed it!!!
My current SO other has a crazy ex. Way crazy. I didn't know how crazy until we got together. But now I love him and wouldn't leave him because of it.
When dating/marrying "how much is too much"? What can you handle as far as baggage? What can you not handle? Does it matter if you find out about the baggage before or after you start dating?
I hate the term baggage. A child is an off spring of that parent. A loved one. And I think if I met someone with children I would be very ok with it. To each their own.
I am not just talking about kids. (I would personally rather date someone with kids by the way) But I am talking about anything.....exes, family issues, drug and alchoal abuse (current or past), mental issues, illnesses, anything, you name it!!
I do appreciate honesty, and being upfront.
You didn`t say how long they have been seeing each other.
For me, if I felt that he was a "keeper" I could learn to handle his "baggage." We would work on it together, and grow a relationship that was stronger than most!
You didn`t say how long they have been seeing each other.
They weren't "offically" seeing each other. Just talking. Getting to know each other as friends. She was interested in him and he seemed interested in her but hadn't made that move. When she approached him, he told her why he was hesitant.
As far as me with my ex that I broke it off because of his family. It came to a head when we moved to a small town near his family and they refused to allow me to come to ANY family functions and my family was 1000's of miles away. Thus I spent holidays alone. I said forget this and left!! LOL.
They weren't "offically" seeing each other. Just talking. Getting to know each other as friends. She was interested in him and he seemed interested in her but hadn't made that move. When she approached him, he told her why he was hesitant.
As far as me with my ex that I broke it off because of his family. It came to a head when we moved to a small town near his family and they refused to allow me to come to ANY family functions and my family was 1000's of miles away. Thus I spent holidays alone. I said forget this and left!! LOL.
I would too. I want to be part of his family and him be apart of mine. That would hurt me very much to shut me out.
There are so many things that could cause difficulties in a relationship that it seems sensible to bare your soul, so to speak, when it looks like things are getting serious. I also don't care for the term "baggage" because it's one of those words that have become trendy and overused but I think the OP is asking a good question. Of course the most important thing is the relationship between the man and woman so if there is a troubled past that might include a criminal record or other legal problems, drug abuse or whatever the case might be it needs to be put out in the open at some point. I would consider a child of a potential partner to also be very important and if any physical or mental problem exists the relationship is only going to work if the SO is completely aware of all of the difficulties that they may be facing and be willing to take on that responsibility.
For me it would depend on the "baggage." I don't care if someone is divorced, but if there are kids in the picture and they have to still be involved with the ex I'm not sure I want to deal with it. However, it would depend on the situation and how much I liked the person. As for drug/alcohol issues, been there, done that (not me with the issues...someone I dated) and am pretty sure it is baggage I will not deal with again.
They weren't "offically" seeing each other. Just talking. Getting to know each other as friends. She was interested in him and he seemed interested in her but hadn't made that move. When she approached him, he told her why he was hesitant.
As far as me with my ex that I broke it off because of his family. It came to a head when we moved to a small town near his family and they refused to allow me to come to ANY family functions and my family was 1000's of miles away. Thus I spent holidays alone. I said forget this and left!! LOL.
Yeah, see. Your BF in that situation should have refused to go see his family, if the were excluding you from the family events. A few times doing that, may have showed them unless you have an invite to the family gatherings, then he will not show up either. (shrugs)
Yeah, see. Your BF in that situation should have refused to go see his family, if the were excluding you from the family events. A few times doing that, may have showed them unless you have an invite to the family gatherings, then he will not show up either. (shrugs)
He had a child to see, which I get. So I wouldnt have asked him to not go. Just wanted him to stand up for me or something!
I moved on and now my new SO's family LOVES, LOVES, LOVES me.
Part of the reason I am willing to put up with the crazy ex. lol
I think its a give and take, just like anything in a relationship. You have to weigh the good with bad.
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