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I have Christian parents. I reluctantly go to church with them and never talk about my private beliefs. If they ever found out that I'm not a believer, I think that they would stop giving me any material and emotional support (which is one reason why I should stay in the closet about my beliefs) and would actually wish for me to fail in life. If I lived a happy life, they would feel like I was cheating the system or something. They would wish for me to have relationship and vocational problems so that they could say, "See! If you don't live according to the Bible, your life becomes dysfunctional and unhappy. You don't how to manage your own life. You need God's guidance." Etcetera. In a way, this is a good thing because it gives me an extra motivation to have my **** together.
I'm not alone in this type of thinking. A lot of young adult unbelievers with believing parents develop a sort of rivalry with those parents. I've seen it happen. The believing parents are the ones who initiate it. That's one more reason why I think that religion is poisonous. Thankfully, most pronounced religious parents don't take their religion seriously, are pretty indifferent about belief and just want their kids to become financially independent and get out of the house, no matter what the kids believe. The other religious parents really drive themselves crazy worrying about whether their offspring believe this or that.
Last edited by TheSoundOfMuzak; 01-05-2014 at 11:24 AM..
Maybe we need to establish Atheist Half Way Houses for cases such as yours.
While my problems were not nearly as severe as yours appear to be, as a veteran of internal family wars over my choice to abandon religion, I extend empathy and sympathy.
Does not sound very Chistian like to wish those things.
But, how do you know that they would actually wish to see you fail?
They are parents first, religious second. While they may say things that sound like they would turn their back on you, that does not mean they would actually do it if put into the position.
Many parents- probably most parents say things to their children out of fear. Be it recognized fear or unrecognized. They say things that they really don't mean, or never follow through with.
If your parents truly love you, and love you as the religion says they should, unconditionally, they will get over anything you tell them.
It may not be a 'clean' coming out with everything being 'OK' from the start, but (hopefully) they would come to thier senses eventually.
If they don't...well then, who needs them? (I understand the schooling and such, but there are ways to get around all that)
Clearly you don't understand Christians. Everything they think has to be interpreted in a good-versus-evil, sin-versus-redemption context. Everything they do have to be pre-approved by scripture. There is "Christian Parenting", "Christian Marriage", etc. Further, the Bible is one of the worst possible books on parenting. The Old Testament dudes liked to choose a "favorite" son. I can't blame Joseph's brothers for throwing him in a pit. Joseph's dad was a real s.o.b. If Christian parents really followed the Bible, they would have any disrespectful children stoned. I wouldn't be surprised if some Christian parents believe this. My dad believes that people who are found smoking marijuana should be given the death penalty. That's the kind of authoritarian society you would live in if my dad was President.
Your situation is quite common and I can relate - though my parental battles are 45 years in the past. Ride it out until you can survive on your own. Unless they are total brainwashed fundies, your folks will come to accept your beliefs, or lack of same, in time.
Blood is thicker than belief systems. Hang in there and keep searching for your true path.
I have Christian parents. I reluctantly go to church with them and never talk about my private beliefs. If they ever found out that I'm not a believer, I think that they would stop giving me any material and emotional support (which is one reason why I should stay in the closet about my beliefs) and would actually wish for me to fail in life. If I lived a happy life, they would feel like I was cheating the system or something. They would wish for me to have relationship and vocational problems so that they could say, "See! If you don't live according to the Bible, your life becomes dysfunctional and unhappy. You don't how to manage your own life. You need God's guidance." Etcetera. In a way, this is a good thing because it gives me an extra motivation to have my **** together.
I know your pain. You are not alone and you are right. It will make a man out of you. It takes guts to take a stand like you do. You should be proud of yourself. I had to tell my family(far left Christians and Islamists), out of the blue, that I am Buddhist/Hindu and have been celibate all my life because I had a calling to God, and I have been in close contact with God, and that I am the Rider from Rev19. They want me to fail.
Last edited by Rider's Pantheon; 01-05-2014 at 12:29 PM..
My fundamentalist mother tells me on a regular basis that she cries for my eternal soul and that she often times has trouble coping with the concept of her only son burning in hell forever. I've listened to it for the entire 20 years since I moved out from under my parents roof.
My suggestion is to find a way to cope with it. It will not go away. The Kool-Aid is stronger than any ammount of common sense that you may try to impart on them.
My fundamentalist mother tells me on a regular basis that she cries for my eternal soul and that she often times has trouble coping with the concept of her only son burning in hell forever. .
You could comfort her by pointing out that for her to be perfectly happy in heaven, all of her sorrows on Earth will have be be erased. Therefore once she gets to heaven, she will either have her memory of you wiped clean, or she will be transferred into a mental state where your fate simply does not bother her.
You could comfort her by pointing out that for her to be perfectly happy in heaven, all of her sorrows on Earth will have be be erased. Therefore once she gets to heaven, she will either have her memory of you wiped clean, or she will be transferred into a mental state where your fate simply does not bother her.
She believes exactly what you described, as she states that "there will be no sorrow in Heaven", but she still shows the human emotion regarding the concept.
If hell really does exist, I don't think most Christians could care less about the 98% of mankind that's down there. The fundies on the Christian forum almost seem to revel in the concept. I, personally, wouldn't want to spend eternity in Heaven with a God that damned the mass majority of His creation to eternal torment, but I guess that's what separates me from religious folk.
She believes exactly what you described, as she states that "there will be no sorrow in Heaven", but she still shows the human emotion regarding the concept.
If hell really does exist, I don't think most Christians could care less about the 98% of mankind that's down there. The fundies on the Christian forum almost seem to revel in the concept. I, personally, wouldn't want to spend eternity in Heaven with a God that damned the mass majority of His creation to eternal torment, but I guess that's what separates me from religious folk.
People of the Bible = Denial, bigotry, total lack of a moral compass/integrity, and total lack of compassion for innocent victims of terrorism. I told my Dad(Bible thumper all his life) that YHWH told Moses to have a man stoned to death for picking up sticks on the Sabbath, and he accused me of lying, and told me I need to be more forgiving. So I am the intolerant one. I didn't even state any opinion on it, I was simply telling him of it. Most people of the Abrahamics are like that. They get a rosy outlook on their made-up interpretation of the Bible, and if you point out facts that counter that perfect picture in their heads, they get very defensive and irrational. My Dad avoids me. He has no integrity. My Mom is pro-Islam. I once mentioned that Muhammad was a pedophile, and she demands I have more respect for him than to refer to his child-sex as "pedophilia". How dare I? Again, I am the intolerant , hateful one. If I ever express that I feel lonely or isolated, of course it's all because of me. I have only myself to blame, they say. They are impatiently awaiting my train-wreck. It doesn't slow me down though. I used to get intimidated by them but not any more.
Last edited by Rider's Pantheon; 01-05-2014 at 01:46 PM..
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