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I had another Angel Event this week. For years I have been having foot problems, and recently I got a vague idea that I should have better everyday sneakers. So Monday I went down to the hardware store for a can of thinner and the car, with me in it, decided to go to the mall.
And what's the almost first thing I see? A pair of sneakers that look much nicer than mine, feel much nicer than mine, fit much nicer than mine, and were just that morning reduced to a Get-These-Out-Of-Here price of $17. For both shoes, the right one and the left one, both. $17.
Stuff like this happens to me all the time. I feel a necessity to go to some shop, the car actually drags me there, and there sits some esoteric tool or instrument that I needed and I would have never had found if it were left to chance.
This prompts an interesting, if frightening question. Why do the angels expedite material things like bongo drums for a specific recording and USB pedals and junk keyboards containing repurposable USB chips for me, and not hot babes or other meaningful human relationships?
Maybe when people say that we should cast off our possessions and find joy in relationships, maybe they aren't talking to me. Maybe a thingy life is, for some reason, the life that I was meant to carry out. Maybe I'm deliberately made to be human-incompatible, and thingy.
Well "hot babes" <> "meaningful relationships". In fact I am beginning to think "meaningful relationships" is an oxymoron.
My younger self also longed for such oxymoronic things and I also had (and still have) a strong tendency for anything related to career or finance to Just Work. I used to find this frustrating, then just annoying, and now merely bemusing. It's been going on for about forty years and isn't likely to change now. I often say I'd be content to make a living as a ditch digger and live in a cardboard box under a freeway if I had the relationship juice I really wanted. But of course if the situation were inverted I'd just be upset about a different set of struggles and deprivations.
I have known people whose relationships Just Work and have problems with the concrete stuff that you and I find easy. It is all just a matter of personality and mental strengths and weaknesses.
I would not worry too much about the "thing-y-ness" of your life, there are worse problems. Another thing I've noticed is the stuff I feel I most missed out on was stuff that I cared too much about and tried to hard to have; the stuff that has flowed to me has been the stuff that I simply engaged with as it arose. If I had it to do over again in terms of relationships I would quit seeking them and just let them happen. For one thing it makes you more attractive if you seem indifferent or unaffected. Makes no sense, but it's the way people's minds work. Let your life flow as it will and don't try to make it into something it refuses to be.
...............Why do the angels expedite material things like bongo drums for a specific recording and USB pedals and junk keyboards containing repurposable USB chips for me, and not hot babes ......................
My guess is that men who call women "hot babes" most likely don't have the best if intentions and are not prepared to respect a woman as a human being. So your god doesn't approve of your attitude towards women and feels that you don't deserve anything more than a $17 pair of tennies until after you finally grow up.
Or, is it possible that you are directing all your prayers to the god of small things?
Well "hot babes" <> "meaningful relationships". In fact I am beginning to think "meaningful relationships" is an oxymoron.
My younger self also longed for such oxymoronic things and I also had (and still have) a strong tendency for anything related to career or finance to Just Work. I used to find this frustrating, then just annoying, and now merely bemusing. It's been going on for about forty years and isn't likely to change now. I often say I'd be content to make a living as a ditch digger and live in a cardboard box under a freeway if I had the relationship juice I really wanted. But of course if the situation were inverted I'd just be upset about a different set of struggles and deprivations.
I have known people whose relationships Just Work and have problems with the concrete stuff that you and I find easy. It is all just a matter of personality and mental strengths and weaknesses.
I would not worry too much about the "thing-y-ness" of your life, there are worse problems. Another thing I've noticed is the stuff I feel I most missed out on was stuff that I cared too much about and tried to hard to have; the stuff that has flowed to me has been the stuff that I simply engaged with as it arose. If I had it to do over again in terms of relationships I would quit seeking them and just let them happen. For one thing it makes you more attractive if you seem indifferent or unaffected. Makes no sense, but it's the way people's minds work. Let your life flow as it will and don't try to make it into something it refuses to be.
Okay, so this is one of the few things I have a "Life PhD" in so please let me share with you all the wisdom I have learned.
First of all, think of this famous quote, "There IS someone that's right for you. But (s)he's probably in Timbuktu." There's a wealth of wisdom in those two lines. The good news: Yes, God made a soulmate for each of us---your exact other half who thinks and feels exactly as you do; your spiritual twin. The bad news: your chances of finding them are 7 billion to one.
Here's a statistic:
Quote:
In the US,
20% of marriages end within 5 yrs
33% in 10 years
43% in 15 years
50% greater than 15 years
Of the remaining 50% then, half of those surveyed say they are not happy.
That leaves us with a whopping 25% chance of a successful and happy long term marriage. (successful and happy being subjective of course.)
That's the average number I have seen and there's a lot of compromise:remaining in a loveless miserable marriage solely for the children, financial considerations, and just plain irreconcilable differences that couples learn to live with by letting their emotions go dead, which probably brings the number of truly ecstatic marriages down to about 1%. Nobody in Vegas plays with those kinds of odds.
So your likelihood of finding your true mate: grimmer than grim.
What's a large part of the problem: men chase after the beautiful women (sexual attraction) and ignoring the average/below average-looking women who would make fine wives for them; the youngish beautiful women chasing after the "bad boys" because they are alluring, dangerous, sexually promiscuous; the average nice guys are ignored by the beautiful girls so these guys usually settle for 2nd/3rd best and this inevitably leads to dissatisfaction on both sides down the road after marriage--the man still pines for the beautiful girl who turned him down; the beautiful girls sense no real love from her husband and starts pining for the "bad boy" who cheated on her continuously and made her life a living hell. Eventually when her 20's are behind her she ends up marrying for security and children and then as things break down she just waits for the children to grow up so once they are out of the house she can divorce her boring, loveless husband and live alone without any relationship headaches and just have a small circle of female friends.
This is but a tip of the iceberg. These are generalizations, of course because of space restraints; but the core problem is right there: to much expectation on both sides from partners we are largely incompatible with, and this hunger to find one's true soulmate which is nearly impossible.
Quote:
I hate to say it.........but almost all of my married buddies aren't very happy. However, it isn't about craving different tail..............most of them are ignored by their wives, their wives are more into their girlfriends and mommys, money, etc. They admit their wives use sex like a bargaining chip.........
Several....SEVERAL of my buddies have caught their wives cheating....sometimes multiple times.......some launched, some stayed for the kids.
Of all the people I know....I know about three marriages that are truly happy and enjoy one another. The rest treat each other crappy in my opinion.........
The above quote nearly says it all.
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