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Please pm me if uncomfortable about posting here. I'm not sure about what has happened.
I do have some underlying health issues- sleep apnea that went undiagnosed for years, a bad fall where I hit my head about 35 years ago. So my awareness for that time has not been great. Foggy brain is probably the best term. My life has been pretty boring, unchallenged, sort of a "sleepwalk".
So a few months back I started taking a brain supplement. I start feeling more awake.
My brain seemed to be really sharp. Then my heart felt like it had been "washed off"
Waking up and going to sleep hours before I used to. I started walking, etc.
My senses are more attuned. Animals (even wild ones) seem almost too friendly.
One of the biggest things I crave is peace. I started using some meditation videos with binaural beats etc.
I have cried more in 3 months than 50 years.
The more significant part was the internal questioning of everything about myself.
And my long term relationship with my spouse. I have been going to a therapist since this started.
The therapist (and a psychologist I saw with my wife)- both do not think I have a mental illness.
I have not had any known psychological problems throughout my life. I don't drink or use illicit drugs.
A couple of months before this started- I had a strange feeling when I visited my opposite sex doctor.
I had been almost drunk with love (not about her), joy that could burst your heart, unconditional love in a few minutes- more than my 50 years combined felt, and I felt beautiful. I'm a middle-aged fat guy- I have never felt beautiful. Not from her- but more like a feeling that swept over me. As most of these feeling were pretty new to me- it took me about a month for me to connect the dots. I have never been to heaven- but for those 5-15 minutes- it felt like I was in heaven. I'm not sure if it matters- I don't know what the holy ghost feels like. But as I have talked to several people about this- a couple thought it may have been. Not trying to make this a religious debate. As for the dr- there are feelings. I sensed that she might have the "gifts of service". She seems to be quite a giving person. She has only acted professionally towards me.
During all of these changes- I went to see her again and basically I freaked out about the life I missed out on. She calmed me down. Something I had said got her a bit upset- I felt a "poke" at that moment in my heart. I felt something beyond an ouch. It was some really serious stuff on her heart. I do not ever believe I have had any "out of the ordinary" experiences. What followed later that day was a couple things- one is I "saw" her heart. In my mind- it looked beaten up. I cried. It also seemed for days, that I can only describe as loving "force" or "nudging hands" wanted me to make sure she was "confronted" about what I had seen.
So during this last few months- its been like I have been in a spiritual/ psychologic storm that has been
really scary, really painful, really upsetting. It seems that my "mask" is pretty much gone from so much introspection. It does seem to be passing. I can't positively- but it's starting to feel as if I'm "graduating", for lack of a better term.
As things have been happening to me- I type into google. The same stuff seems to be coming up-
"spiritual awakening", "spiritual ascension", kundalini awakening. These are all terms- as of 3 months ago- I was quite unaware of.
So what I would love is help understanding what is going on, what I should or should not be doing, and maybe some thoughts on why.
This is a real thread-send me stuff privately if need be. Thanks everyone.
I have a Christian background and belief system - make of the following what you will.
It's possible the medication has cleared up your mind, but it's also possible that along with that there is a spiritual awakening as you suggest. There is such a thing as a spirit of confusion. It is also possible that that has been 'lifted off' you, or some sort of healing has taken place, and an underlying gifting has come to the fore. You may have a prophetic gifting, in the way that you 'saw' your doctors heart and then said some things that moved her - this is normal with prophetic gifting of the seer / wisdom type. Also if you were / are full of love in that moment, then the Holy Spirit is using you to minister to people. I think my best suggestion is that you simply say to God 'use me, I'm willing to be used to help people', and if the gifting and awakening is there, the rest will happen.
Well, first of all, we don't know what came first, the chicken or the egg.
But we can explain how the chicken comes from the egg or how the egg comes from the chicken.
So my attempt is to explain a similar process, but there is no way to explain how it happened FIRST. So I am starting my explanation from the middle of the process, so to speak.
Imagine that a person is like a flower petal.
Imagine that THE FLOWER has 5 petals. This human you is only 1 petal on this flower.
So THE FLOWER is like your higher self. You are a part of this flower.
When you are human, you are disconnected from the flower (in some sense). It's like you're in the cocoon and your senses are blocked and you're not feeling the connection to the flower.
At some point, in some people, these connections and links get reestablished. (It could be through different ways and for different reasons and I believe that plants and drugs and pills can also activate the links and unblock the senses.)
So once the senses are unblocked and the links get re-established, people become a part of this FLOWER SELF (in one sense they were always a part of it, but it's like being a part of the computer, but having a disconnected cable, so there is no link).
They start to perceive things from the perspective of a bigger thing, a thing which includes more knowledge and understanding. They start to experience gifts they didn't have before, abilities, feelings. It all comes because the link to the FLOWER SELF has been opened.
I think that the FLOWER SELF sees itself as beautiful because it has more understanding (and I heard that "all things are beautiful in their own way" and people just don't understand that yet).
Some people have abilities to see with spiritual eyes (mind's eye), so that's how you could see her heart and its condition. (A person I know can see the inner beauty of the person in a physical sense. So he would be looking at "good behavior" of the person, but perceiving this person as a beautiful woman (even though, in a strictly physical sense she is not beautiful).
I heard of people saying that once they had some sort of an experience, they started to feel love for everything (temporarily).
I can't really explain it more than that. But I am just saying, the newly found abilities and feelings have to do with reconnecting to your FLOWER SELF. (Flower is just an arbitrary label I made up to try to explain the connection.)
I don't see any need to add the word "spiritual" to "awakening". Most people suppress their self-awareness, arguably not to the degree you seem to have. It is a coping mechanism. Any time you become markedly more self-aware, it has the character of an awakening or realization. There is nothing mystical about it. What you are Googling simply reflects that there are a lot of hucksters who would like to take advantage of your awakening by providing a bogus backstory for it.
You are very vulnerable right now and should not be too eager or rushed to explain every aspect of what is happening to you. Instead, focus on being rather than doing -- simply experience it and see what it teaches you about the world you live in and how you can best relate to it. Resist the temptation to take someone else's pre-fabricated meaning -- make your own instead. Keep bringing your interpretations and conclusions back to the bedrock of hard evidence. Most importantly, learn that it is fine to not be certain -- in fact any time you are very certain you are right, it is exactly then that you are probably dead wrong. Learn to not draw conclusions about everything that comes your way. Only about the things you have actual facts about. There are many questions you'll never conclusively (or at all!) answer, and that is just fine. Learn to sit with uncertainty.
To save you some time, here are a few clues. We do not know if there is a god or not, we do not know if there is an afterlife or not, and mankind has had a zillion conflicting ideas about both. Withhold belief in these things until someone can provide you with something other than the assertions of ancient scrolls or their personal subjective experiences (or their interpretations of YOUR personal subjective experiences), as proof of god and heaven.
That is my hard-won knowledge, for what it is worth. If you're like most people you'll disregard it, but at least I made the effort ;-)
"Spiritual awakening" is a specific expression. You can't dissociate the two words.
Now, I absolutely understand what you mean when you felt this "joy" feeling. It's your heart chakra opening. Usually, when you heart chakra opens, you are on a high for about 2 or 3 days. This is what happened to me last summer. I was wondering why on earth I was feeling so high, so extatic, then I realized my heart chakra was opening.
After my heart chakra opened, I felt a deep love towards everyone. I saw love, breathed love and felt love everywhere even towards the people who hurt me.
I highly doubt it has anything to do with you supplements. A "spiritual awakening" is the result of a long internal process. It can happen at any time. Some people put it down on the advancements of their spiritual path, some others believe their "twin flame"/"soul connection" triggered this spiritual awakening. It depends on a lot of factors. Most of the time, it's just the harmonization of your heart chakra.
You do not have a mental illness of any sort. You might think you do, but you don't.
Sheesh, this is complex, and sounds like there is more going on than just a spiritual awakening. I think professional counselling might help. On the score of where you are at with long term spouse, there are two sides to the coin of remaining committed to someone, in terms of ones actions to the other. On one side it is 'loving them' and on the other negatively stated side if you like is 'not hurting them'. Would you be crushed if you hurt your significant other? (rhetorical).
God bless you for being vulnerable, and may he help you navigate through this.
Hi A-E - considering I had never had any professional couseling before this- I was in a position to get some. I started it just as I was "waking up" - before some of this event really got going. I have been seeing a therapist for about 3 months, I also have intermittently went with my wife to her Dr.
Your perspective on the relationship is really helpful- thank you.
Hi LW- I have been walking for about a month or so now. My walk today had a moment- maybe a bit silly sounding- that I felt no walls or roof around me. I was obviously outside- I guess they were mine. Or maybe I just had a whiff of a flower
Not to sound too freaky- I hope everyone has a wonderful year!
Last edited by elvisluvs; 01-01-2015 at 11:05 AM..
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