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Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 8 days ago)
35,634 posts, read 17,975,706 times
Reputation: 50663
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phetaroi
Unless I missed it, Clara has yet to tell us what that expertise is. Why?
I had severe anxiety, from 3 traumas in a month that left me unable to write (pen and paper) for a period of time. I literally couldn't sign my name, and now my signature has changed permanently. I learned during a therapy session (just had one, the message was walk boldly into this and continue to force myself) that the inability to sign your name or write legibly is a fairly common anxiety reaction. It still flares up, especially when I have to write a name tag for myself, which happens regularly. During the time it was at its worst, I was tempted to not do things where I had to sign my name, I started using cash because I couldn't write a check or even sign the credit card thing at the cash register. When the sign in clip board would come around at a meeting, I wouldn't sign in but would say across the table, oops, didn't sign in, would you please sign me in? You can't do that. You HAVE to just do it, or you will stop going places where you will have to write. Which is everywhere.
I had a son who had a severe phobia to an uncommon thing, and during that I sought counseling for him although he didn't attend, the purpose was for me to get advise on how to proceed with him. He's an adult now, and I had a conversation with his girlfriend and him, last week, where she said "WHAT? You were afraid of ___?" and he said yeah, you know what, I won't ever like them.
Additionally, I worked for a mental health facility, and sat in on a regular monthly anxiety group session to aid the therapist. For a couple years.
When I say I know what I'm talking about, I know what I'm talking about. I don't have any professional credentials on the other hand.
And here's what you need to hear: Don't talk about Hell unless he insists on it, comfort him as needed, and DO NOT make any further accommodations or lifestyle changes to forestall panic that are unrelated to the belief in hell itself.
The intuitive thing - to follow the child's lead and allow him to avoid anything that makes him feel anxious - is the exact opposite of what needs to be done. The idea that allowing him to avoid normal activities, so that he can avoid feeling the very uncomfortable anxiety, is the exact wrong direction to go in although it seems the most kind at the time.
The internet is a vast and fabulous place, where all kinds of people can get help and aid, and I know there are those who are reading this who will remember it and it might help a child who develops a severe anxiety reaction. Just as people on the internet have helped me with things.
Almost everyone becomes an expert on the internet. That's why people like to randomly inject their supposed professions, experiences and/or degrees of education into conversations for no apparent reason other than hoping to be regarded as some type of expert on this or that matter.
Well, she may be qualified to give a professional opinion. But just like when I go into the doctor's office and see the degree on the wall, I kinda like to know what the qualification is based on.
Well, she may be qualified to give a professional opinion. But just like when I go into the doctor's office and see the degree on the wall, I kinda like to know what the qualification is based on.
Well, on the internet, your best bet on average is to believe it's from the armchair. No offense to present company.
I had severe anxiety, from 3 traumas in a month that left me unable to write (pen and paper) for a period of time. I literally couldn't sign my name, and now my signature has changed permanently. I learned during a therapy session (just had one, the message was walk boldly into this and continue to force myself) that the inability to sign your name or write legibly is a fairly common anxiety reaction. It still flares up, especially when I have to write a name tag for myself, which happens regularly. During the time it was at its worst, I was tempted to not do things where I had to sign my name, I started using cash because I couldn't write a check or even sign the credit card thing at the cash register. When the sign in clip board would come around at a meeting, I wouldn't sign in but would say across the table, oops, didn't sign in, would you please sign me in? You can't do that. You HAVE to just do it, or you will stop going places where you will have to write. Which is everywhere.
I had a son who had a severe phobia to an uncommon thing, and during that I sought counseling for him although he didn't attend, the purpose was for me to get advise on how to proceed with him. He's an adult now, and I had a conversation with his girlfriend and him, last week, where she said "WHAT? You were afraid of ___?" and he said yeah, you know what, I won't ever like them.
Additionally, I worked for a mental health facility, and sat in on a regular monthly anxiety group session to aid the therapist. For a couple years.
When I say I know what I'm talking about, I know what I'm talking about. I don't have any professional credentials on the other hand.
And here's what you need to hear: Don't talk about Hell unless he insists on it, comfort him as needed, and DO NOT make any further accommodations or lifestyle changes to forestall panic that are unrelated to the belief in hell itself.
The intuitive thing - to follow the child's lead and allow him to avoid anything that makes him feel anxious - is the exact opposite of what needs to be done. The idea that allowing him to avoid normal activities, so that he can avoid feeling the very uncomfortable anxiety, is the exact wrong direction to go in although it seems the most kind at the time.
The internet is a vast and fabulous place, where all kinds of people can get help and aid, and I know there are those who are reading this who will remember it and it might help a child who develops a severe anxiety reaction. Just as people on the internet have helped me with things.
And now, at the OPs request I am out of here.
Well, I don't see all that as a qualification.
I was present during my kidney surgery, my thyroid surgery, and my gall bladder surgery, and while I can relate my experiences, I'm hardly qualified to make professional diagnoses on those issues. And that's sort of what you've been doing here. As a principal, I can relate hundreds of experiences with special education kids, including many who were emotionally disturbed, but that doesn't make me qualified to diagnose children; what I was expert on -- at least as of a decade ago (!) -- were issues related to the legal processes related to dealing with kids were or may have been qualified to be placed in a special program. And even then we had full-time experts in our system that were more qualified in that than was I.
Clara, I think you've been overstating your expertise.
This is unfortunately the essence of most religions. "Give me control of your wealth, your labor, your sexuality and reproductive potential, and your very life in THIS world, and you'll get your reward in the next world! And if you don't comply, in addition to whatever harm I/we can do you in this world, you will suffer forever in the next world! How do I/we know this? Because God told me to tell you!"
The problem with this is that it works best if used on the very young. It scars them for life. It literally steals the enjoyment of their lives from them. Believing Christians and Muslims live in fear of hell fire. Believing ultra-orthodox Jews live in fear of losing their place in the World to Come. Believing Hindus live in fear of a bad reincarnation in the next life.
How would these parents feel if your son patiently explained to their sons that there is no hell, that there is no old man in the sky judging them, that religion is just something invented by men to control large groups of people for the benefit of the few? It's a lot easier to undermine faith with logic than it is to shore it up with terror. That's why most controlling faiths encourage their flock to only associate with fellow believers of that faith, lest they discover that life is better outside the cult than within it.
However, if your grandson is being raised in the midst of the cult of fear of hellfire, he'd be better off if his parents were to move to an area with people who aren't raising their kids that way.
It seems that the OP doesn't want your help. I don't think that was the intention anyway and it is not polite to push your "help" on somebody else. The OP was here to pick a fight but then calls you argumentative once you responded not to his or her liking.
NO, she has no expertise, and keeps insisting on a pathway that she has no knowledge of. My daughter IS an expert, and has and works with other experts as a team with children with special needs. She's been told that many times.
And yes, I am angry at the indoctrination by parents and their places of worship of young children terrorising them by threatening eternal torture if they do not kowtow to a celestial overlord those parents believe in.
Religious leaders have long lived by the maxim: "Give me the child for the first seven years and I will give you the man."
The OP brought up a situation relating to religion that pi8ssed him off.
The parents apparently handled it adequately.
Clara is being ridiculously assumptive about the grandsons mental state and should maybe wander over to either the parenting or mental health forum and offer her wonderful advice to someone else there that probably doesn't need it either
NO, she has no expertise, and keeps insisting on a pathway that she has no knowledge of. My daughter IS an expert, and has and works with other experts as a team with children with special needs. She's been told that many times.
And yes, I am angry at the indoctrination by parents and their places of worship of young children terrorising them by threatening eternal torture if they do not kowtow to a celestial overlord those parents believe in.
Religious leaders have long lived by the maxim: "Give me the child for the first seven years and I will give you the man."
That, my friend, is indoctrination.
Fear is being used as a tool to control. I am against that. So if Christians are using it as they are in your examples, then I am against that behavior as I would be against anyone using fear to control. Using fear in this way is not isolated to Christians. That is the point I am trying to make but I have no problem with it being pointed out when it does happen.
You are part of the problem, not the solution. That is a horrible suggestion.Where do you think that celestial dictatorship mythology comes from and is perpetuated? Where is do think the terror of burning forever is enforced, preached, expounded on and told as the truth? What a terror religion to teach that stuff!
Wow. Touched a nerve, did I?
I suppose you don't believe in warning a kid about things like a hot stove, busy streets, and mean dogs, either? I know those might scare the kid. But we can also teach people how to deal with unpleasant things and how to be saved from them.
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They are atheists.
