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I came to this part of the forum earlier today, and to my suprise a thread I started a while ago was on the front page. I decided to read some of the responses, hoping for some help, but I was met with some interesting replies!
Before I begin, I want to apologize to all of you who responded, thinking that I just wanted my friend to be heterosexual for my own reasons, and not his. That is DEFINITELY not the case. Also, if YOU have questions about the story, you can simply ASK them instead of ASSUMING things.
But here is the ENTIRE story regarding my friend:
I've been friends with the friend (we will call him Will) i speak of for nearly 8 years now. He was very shy growing up, and didn't have a lot of friends. His father left him when he was younger, and wanted nothing to do with him for whatever reason. His step-dad didn't really pay him any attention, either. I don't remember exactly how we became friends, but I found out that he was very smart, and had many goals and aspirations. One day in school, I was talking to one of my friends in school (let's say his name is Bob), and my friend came up. And then Bob asked me, "Why are you friends with Will? Isn't he gay?" I had never thought about him being gay, and I didn't really care. Will is like the friend that truly cares about you, and is not your friend in hope of gaining something. As the years went on, Will and I were best friends, and he always seemed happy when he hung out with me. I was the one true friend that he had.
When I got to the age to start dating, Will would always have a couple of girlfriends here and there, but he never really seemed attatched to them. He rarely talked about them, as my other friends did about their girlfriends. One day, me and will had a conversation about homosexuals.
"Will, what's your opinion about gays and lesbians?"
"I just think they're looking for something to cover up their hurt, Chicagoland92," he said.
"Like what?"
"I don't know, maybe one of their leaving them and not telling them why." He started to tear up. From that point on, I knew he was trying to tell me his secret. He couldn't understand why his father left him at such a young age. I understood, and told him that it was alright, and it's not his fault. Of course, this did nothing to relieve the pain he felt deep within his heart.
Now he's about 16 years old, about to turn 17, and HE DOES NOT WANT TO BE HOMOSEXUAL. Why on Earth would I want my friend to be something he's not? That wouldn't be being a true friend. Anyways, he always tells me how he doesn't want to be this way, how he wants a wife and family when he's older, etc. I am his confidant, so I know a lot about his parents and the environment he grew up in, so I came to this thread, hoping to find a way to help him, not to help me. Regardless of his sexuality, he's still going to be my friend. But I want to help him as much as I can.
We both are Christians, which is why I asked for scriptures regarding homosexuality. I undertsand there is nothing wrong with being homosexual, and what is wrong is when you act upon those homosexual feelings.
I believe when I posted the first thread, I was looking at the wrong situation. He has a bad body image, and I think that is what brought upon his homosexuality. I think he just longs for his father to accept him, or something else that happened in his past. Whatever the case may be, he needs help, more than the help I can give him. That's why I came to you. With over 100,000 members, someone on this website has to have some type of information to help me help him out.
Now that you have all of the facts, let's continue the thread here please. And thanks for the enlightening responses I received. And again, sorry for not formerly posting all of the information regarding the situation.
Last edited by CHICAGOLAND92; 11-15-2008 at 03:29 PM..
If there is a time for him to change his sexual orientation, its now. Teenagers are still developing their identity and many times can change their sexual orientation easier than adults can. One of my friends in high school who was gay became straight later in life. I know they are criticized on this forum a lot, but there are ministries out there for gay teenagers wanting to change. In a city like Chicago, there should be plenty of resources available. Maybe you should encourage him to go that route?
From everything I understand about human sexuality it doesn't appear to be something you can change. Anyone who is a Christian and is also a homosexual is probably going to have problems in resolving these two conflicting parts of their lives. Personally I don't think homosexuality is a sin and religion has caused an unknown amount of suffering for the minority of human beings who are attracted to members of the same sex. I do realize it would be very difficult because if you're really committed to your religious convictions and your belief is genuine then how are you going to deal with the fact that you're having these feelings of attraction in the first place? I've never had a friend in this situation (or if I did they didn't tell me) but a true friend would remain friends even if they eventually accepted their own sexuality.
You mentioned asking for Bible passages that you could refer your friend to. I don't think that's the answer because the authors of the Bible had no knowledge of the complexities of human sexuality and the answers you're going to get in the Bible are very predictable and are going to lead to guilt and shame. I'm an atheist so I'm coming from a completely different perspective but it's my opinion that the Christian religion or any other religion is unlikely to be a source of useful information on this subject and I believe that your friend should be exposed to alternative and modern views on this situation. In any case, it sounds like you're a well intentioned and loyal friend and I hope that your friend is able to come to some resolution of this difficulty.
Chicagoland,
As much as I would personally like to address this situation in more depth, I just can't because it affects me too directly. I'm not going to be so bold as to assert that your friend can't overcome homosexuality, because I know that God is capable of doing anything....provided it's His will. But I have to be honest and say it's unlikely, and impossible on his own without God's help. And if I'm able to deduce from what you've written, Will has no doubt prayed about this. I've struggled with homosexuality myself for almost 24 years. And after screaming and pleading, crying a lot of tears...engaging in self-injury, begging God to make me blind or give me cancer in exchange for being gay...the truth is I'm still gay. Nothing changed me. The only thing I can do is go inside myself in order to methodically try to identify what it is I'm wanting from another man. And even when I'm able to do that, the question becomes "How do I get that?" And that's not a question that is easily answered. Perhaps if Will did that, it would be different for him.
I will say this: You're obviously an incredibly caring and loyal friend. Believe me when I tell you that Will needs that, so don't ever abandon him. That would crush him emotionally, and it would also harden his heart. I know what abandon feels like....what it feels like for your friends to walk away from you, and sometimes not even give you an explanation why. It does nothing but make you calloused and bitter, and destroys some of your faith and trust in people.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MontanaGuy
From everything I understand about human sexuality it doesn't appear to be something you can change. Anyone who is a Christian and is also a homosexual is probably going to have problems in resolving these two conflicting parts of their lives.
Chicagoland, as a believer my advice will probably be different from many of the believers here. You see I think a true homosexual is born that way..I also admit that I am not qualified to even say if your friend was born a homosexual or if the circumstances with an absent father alffected him so much during a young age that he is confusing the love of having a male dominate figure in his life with sexual love to gain the attention of a male figure. I would advise him to see a psychologist ( not a ministry to change him when he may not need to be changed and may screw him up mentally for life)..In other words encourage him to seek the services of a qualified, trained psychologist who will help him find the cause of his feelings..Best of luck and what a great friend you are to have cared enough for him to stick with him
He may be just confused about his sexuality at his age. I would suggest that he seek some independent counseling. By this I mean a professional, not a pastor or minister. Hopefully through counseling he will gain peace of mind regardless of what ever way he is leaning....Just because he may be gay does not eliminate his having a family one day. My best wishes for your friend.
I think that the absence of a father in his life is his main problem as he lacks confident and can't identify with what a man should be.It is good that he has a friend in you,because I believe God sent him to you.
Psychologist? I was told to go to a recommended sex pyschologist and he said it's ok to be gay, have sex with men, how about a sex change? ... etc!
I'm called a homo, but I don't want to be a homo too! The only way I'm homo is crossdressing only, - I don't have sex or like men! I tried quitting 5 times / purging my clothes / only to come back buying a new collection!
Crossdressing was never a problem for me before Sr Yr HS. I had extremely bad expeiences with women in HS so in short I thought, yeah, I can be happy with crossdressing instead of women! Now, I ask God to convert me from crossdressing by blessing me with a good career and pretty woman who will fit my size 4 to 6 clothes!
I initially typed a long reply to this but it failed to post,... big bummer!
Dressing as a woman doesn't make you a homosexual, especially if you are attracted to women...Have you noticed the double standard? I see plenty of women wearing men's clothing, and they are hardly noticed, let alone labeled, but let a man wear a dress, and the judgments abound...What's up with that?
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