Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The thread about wives needing to get permission from their husbands to work got me to thinking about the circumstances of marriage in general. In many cultures it is common for women to not even have the choice of who she is going to marry because it has been prearranged by the parents of the couple who is getting married. This of course means that her feelings towards this man, her natural need to find love and fulfillment are not even considered to be of any importance. It's really more like a business deal than anything else and the woman is expected to play a subservient role and live out the rest of her life in a situation that she didn't choose.
I find that putting a woman into a status as a second class person compared to men to amount to something similar to slavery. Unfortunately religion has promoted the inequality of the sexes as something that has been ordained by God and it has made life miserable for millions of woman.
On the other thread I mentioned someone commented that marriage is not an equal partnership. Even if a marriage is not prearranged and a couple just decides to get married I'm wondering at what point the husband is supposed to lay down the law and the wife is to assume the meek demeanor of someone who's incapable of thinking for herself and needs to be guided by the superior male. As you can probably tell I strongly support equal rights for women in every circumstances in society and that would include marriage. Men are not more intelligent, they've caused every war in history, and they don't deserve a special status in life because they happened to be born as a male. Any thoughts?
Christianity has historically treated women very well compared to other religions.
Regarding prearranged marriages...I know several couples that are in arranged marriages and are very happy. I also know some that are not happy...just like lobe marriages.
To make matters worse, men are much more inclined to behave aggressively and commit acts of violence, often against their own wives.
I've never actually met a couple whose marriage was prearranged. I think that's extremely uncommon in western nations but it still occurs in parts of Asia and the Middle East. In the old days you would hear stories about daughters being traded to marry a man in exchange for something like livestock or something of material value. I suppose if she was very attractive her father could demand something extra like a few bushels of grain or a couple dozen chickens. It's hard to imagine something so barbaric.
Location: where the moss is taking over the villages
2,184 posts, read 5,552,769 times
Reputation: 1270
When I lived in Redondo Beach (in the '90's), I frequented a certain restaurant with my children. Out of the blue, one evening, I'm chatting lightly with the owner & she volunteers personal information to me.
She told me she ran the business with her husband & that they had a pre-arranged marriage by her parents. Astrology was part of the match making, too. And she said she was very happy. She looked sincerely happy!
She was East Indian. She didn't look old fashioned. I don't remember now how she was attired, but I'm sure it wasn't in the scarfy outfit you'd expect. I thought she looked quite business like.
I can't remember anything else from the conversation. I was simply surprised & only remember this tidbit.
I don't know if any other people of Hindu faith (not sure she was Hindi but something tells me she probably was) whom I've met had similar situations. No one else ever volunteered this kind of info & I'd never think to ask.
Anyway, it's easy to mock such an arrangement if you've never met anyone who's had that kind of marriage. I'm grateful I've met with someone like that who was happy.
I imagine I wouldn't be happy like in that situation but... what if it was a really great matchmaking style? If the stars are properly aligned for mutual benefit & love? That would be rather fine. And if you were born into that culture, it would seem normal.
It's freakish to us because it's outside our culture.
Anyway, it's easy to mock such an arrangement if you've never met anyone who's had that kind of marriage.
I'm glad that the person you met had the good fortune to have found happiness in a prearranged marriage but don't you think there was a certain amount of luck involved? When you really stop and think about it there has to be a certain chemistry between two people in order to have a successful relationship. This involves a whole variety of things such as being physically attracted to the person, having compatible personalities, sharing certain values, etc.
What you're saying is completely true, I'm mocking an arrangement and I've never met a single couple in my life who were married in this fashion. I have a reason for doing so. The great majority of men and women who don't even know each other are not going to be compatible if they do happen to meet in person. It takes a special something that is difficult to describe for a relationship to succeed. I should know, not one of mine has succeeded and I'm not the only one. If a couple is put together by other individuals there is a high probability that it's not going to end up with a happy marriage. The point that I'm trying to make is that this is an unnatural way to create a marriage and it doesn't consider the needs and feelings of either the woman or the man.
When I lived in Redondo Beach (in the '90's), I frequented a certain restaurant with my children. Out of the blue, one evening, I'm chatting lightly with the owner & she volunteers personal information to me.
She told me she ran the business with her husband & that they had a pre-arranged marriage by her parents. Astrology was part of the match making, too. And she said she was very happy. She looked sincerely happy!
She was East Indian. She didn't look old fashioned. I don't remember now how she was attired, but I'm sure it wasn't in the scarfy outfit you'd expect. I thought she looked quite business like.
I can't remember anything else from the conversation. I was simply surprised & only remember this tidbit.
I don't know if any other people of Hindu faith (not sure she was Hindi but something tells me she probably was) whom I've met had similar situations. No one else ever volunteered this kind of info & I'd never think to ask.
Anyway, it's easy to mock such an arrangement if you've never met anyone who's had that kind of marriage. I'm grateful I've met with someone like that who was happy.
I imagine I wouldn't be happy like in that situation but... what if it was a really great matchmaking style? If the stars are properly aligned for mutual benefit & love? That would be rather fine. And if you were born into that culture, it would seem normal.
It's freakish to us because it's outside our culture.
Agree. I have many friends of Indian origin here and probably a majority of them have arranged marriages. Unlike some marriages in India, these were initiated by the parents (both sides) narrowing down the range of options and then letting the 2 "date" - usually for a very short while. The ones in india are also parent-initiated but there is no "dating" - at least in the villages (cities are supposedly different). Funny thing is that these marriages are usually far more successful than most here. It is not because the wife cannot earn and is "stuck" - usually these women here are pretty educated too. I think the cultural component of not easily calling it quits is an important element. We may not do this but it works for many.
Plus, they call it arranged - not prearranged - marriage.
If a couple is put together by other individuals there is a high probability that it's not going to end up with a happy marriage. The point that I'm trying to make is that this is an unnatural way to create a marriage and it doesn't consider the needs and feelings of either the woman or the man.
But look at the divorce rate in this country. Does the current American model of serial dating and/or living together exactly lead to happy long lasting marriages? Not being snarky..just wondering.
My own father in law has been married three times, and my mother in law has more than one marriage under her belt.
I am not in an arranged marriage myself, but like the previous poster I do know several people who are in happy marriages. Some of them have been married for decades. I don't think any of them were forced into an arranged marriage. I'm sure there are still cases in many parts of the world where women are forced into arranged marriages, but the professional educated East Indian folks I've met in the US don't fit into that stereotype. Sight unseen arranged marriages don't seem as common among these folks as in the past. Their system works for them, and frankly perhaps there's something there we can learn from. The way they do it seems more like a matchmaking service where two people of very similar backgrounds are introduced to each other.
I find it kind of odd that you'd allow someone else to decide whom you would be married to, but its not a part of my culture.
That's really my whole point in this thread, from my understanding they don't ask the young couple for permission to set up this marriage, the parents just do it because it's part of their culture. You can't take two people and decide they're going to fall in love. Love doesn't work that way.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
