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If someone was cliqueish when younger, they'll be cliqueish when older. No reason for them not to be. People are people.They don't change all that much.
Exactly. Just like people who are jerks are still going to be jerks when they become seniors. It's not like you hit age 55 and magically everyone past that age loses all imperfections. Sorry, that's one of the givens in life. They're everywhere, even in virtual communities like city-data.
I hate old lady clicks and do not want to be a part of one. ... The women formed clicks and gossiped about each other constantly. They were so sweet to your face but very catty.
It all comes down to insecurity. Women feel more powerful in groups.
Quote:
Originally Posted by remsleep
...it seems like a large number of seniors regress to the point that they behave worse than a group of toddlers.
In many ways, the posturing, inability to ignore even the slightest of annoyances and an almost gang-like group affiliation hostile to outsiders is similar to the way criminals in prison act.
Funny - those descriptions fit quite a lot of CD posters right here in the Retirement forum.
I visit with a few seniors at a assisted living facility and was surprised to see this too. They do get cliquish. It is like high school. Since I visit often I try to help those who are left out , making a point to ask others that live there to help this person so they aren't lonely. Asking them to check on each other especially when one is ill.
If you live near a Senior living facility stop in say hi, you would be surprised at how happy they get to have company. Many families don't visit very often and some never.
I visit with a few seniors at a assisted living facility and was surprised to see this too. They do get cliquish. It is like high school. Since I visit often I try to help those who are left out , making a point to ask others that live there to help this person so they aren't lonely. Asking them to check on each other especially when one is ill.
If you live near a Senior living facility stop in say hi, you would be surprised at how happy they get to have company. Many families don't visit very often and some never.
I have considered that. It's sad to think how people must feel. I wondered if they will allow anyone to just come in and visit...I suppose I should just check with the facility. I figure there are those who might like to chat, share their thoughts. (I recall a polling location once inside a retirement center and I would see people sitting around who seemed to brighten up, just having a friendly face enter and greet them). I guess it would add something to my life, besides.
About the topic, for myself I am hoping to avoid living in a cliquish environment, if possible. I will inevitably move to an apartment building, but income-based, likely Seniors-only, but not a big facility. I am friendly and would make friends, but want to continue keeping to myself, for the most part.
I have considered that. It's sad to think how people must feel. I wondered if they will allow anyone to just come in and visit...I suppose I should just check with the facility. I figure there are those who might like to chat, share their thoughts. (I recall a polling location once inside a retirement center and I would see people sitting around who seemed to brighten up, just having a friendly face enter and greet them). I guess it would add something to my life, besides.
About the topic, for myself I am hoping to avoid living in a cliquish environment, if possible. I will inevitably move to an apartment building, but income-based, likely Seniors-only, but not a big facility. I am friendly and would make friends, but want to continue keeping to myself, for the most part.
Definitely check with the facility first. Also ask to see who may and may not want you to interfere with their group. Find out who are the people who prefer to be alone. Don't assume the "brightening up" is due to loneliness. My friends and I who like to sit in our lobby and chat always give a smile and hello to anyone who walks in.
Don't confuse an Independent senior living residence and an assisted care home. The people in the independent residence are free to go out and about and will be able to choose their own friends and activities. Those in an assisted care facility may be either bed or premises confined. The latter is the place where visitors would be most appreciated.
Whatever you do, don't just barge in either on a group or individual. You wouldn't want someone coming into your home doing that they don't either.
Definitely check with the facility first. Also ask to see who may and may not want you to interfere with their group. Find out who are the people who prefer to be alone. Don't assume the "brightening up" is due to loneliness. My friends and I who like to sit in our lobby and chat always give a smile and hello to anyone who walks in.
Don't confuse an Independent senior living residence and an assisted care home. The people in the independent residence are free to go out and about and will be able to choose their own friends and activities. Those in an assisted care facility may be either bed or premises confined. The latter is the place where visitors would be most appreciated.
Whatever you do, don't just barge in either on a group or individual. You wouldn't want someone coming into your home doing that they don't either.
As I say, I would check with them to see if they even do this. I was envisioning, from the other poster, the scenario of speaking with anyone not having visitors, who are lonely or welcoming someone to converse with. I am certainly not a "barger" and do not care to visit those who've established "their own group" who do not need visiting. In reference to my having seen those in a facility during voting, I was referring to ones sitting alone in a wheelchair, who appeared to just appreciate the activity of those coming and going that day.
As I say, when making my next housing move, I am uninterested in the type of environment that would attract cliquishness, but more of a regular apartment building, with no community room, etc.
I know a number of senior men who seem to be a tight knit group of four or five. They get together fairly often and it looks like a clique but they can't hear or understand anyone speaking more than a few feet away.
I work at a senior living facility and it is like running a junior high school as far as cliques and bullying are concerned. I have seen it firsthand and it seems like a large number of seniors regress to the point that they behave worse than a group of toddlers.
In many ways, the posturing, inability to ignore even the slightest of annoyances and an almost gang-like group affiliation hostile to outsiders is similar to the way criminals in prison act.
You just described the place from which I retired (Federal shipyard East Coast).
As I say, I would check with them to see if they even do this. I was envisioning, from the other poster, the scenario of speaking with anyone not having visitors, who are lonely or welcoming someone to converse with. I am certainly not a "barger" and do not care to visit those who've established "their own group" who do not need visiting. In reference to my having seen those in a facility during voting, I was referring to ones sitting alone in a wheelchair, who appeared to just appreciate the activity of those coming and going that day.
As I say, when making my next housing move, I am uninterested in the type of environment that would attract cliquishness, but more of a regular apartment building, with no community room, etc.
I have lived in regular apartment buildings all my life. Many did have cliques. There were no community rooms but there were neighbors who threw parties in which they always invited some residents and always excluded others. They liked to hang out exclusively. They were not welcoming to newcomers.
As my previous regular apartment complex became more and more filled with Millenials and the neighborhood became more gentrified, the new younger people would have nothing to do with the few older tenants remaining no matter how welcoming or friendly we were.
There was definitely an age clique situation going on. Before that we had a mix of ages and all were friendly. We had outdoor paries, barbeques and yard sales everyone was invited to participate in.
in some buildings in which I lived where there were families, they stuck to socializing with other families as did the singles stick to other singles.
My point is, people are people. Cliques can be found anywhere. So don't be surprised if you find them at even a regular apartment complex.
Definitely check with the facility first. Also ask to see who may and may not want you to interfere with their group. Find out who are the people who prefer to be alone. Don't assume the "brightening up" is due to loneliness. My friends and I who like to sit in our lobby and chat always give a smile and hello to anyone who walks in.
Don't confuse an Independent senior living residence and an assisted care home. The people in the independent residence are free to go out and about and will be able to choose their own friends and activities. Those in an assisted care facility may be either bed or premises confined. The latter is the place where visitors would be most appreciated.
Whatever you do, don't just barge in either on a group or individual. You wouldn't want someone coming into your home doing that they don't either.
That's good advice. Some people in assisted living come and go, drive their cars, while others are there because they can no longer take care of themselves, can no longer live alone. I would definitely call and ask if there are any people in particular who would appreciate company.
I remember one aunt who was miserable in assisted living. Her daughter would invite her over for Sunday dinner every week and would visit almost every day, but she wanted to stay with the daughter (impossible) and would go back to her assisted living apartment reluctantly. If my cousin needed to go away on business, she would have to call other relatives to make sure there was a steady supply of visitors. (This aunt was wonderful, but the way, sweetest lady ever...just didn't fit into institutionalized type living.)
And right now I have POA and am guardian to a cousin my own age who has Alzheimers. I don't live near the place (they call it assisted living, but it's a very fancy Alzheimers place) and I have to pay someone to go take her our for a ride or visit with her once a week. She is still high functioning and has always loved lots of attention. I go to visit every few weeks but it's not enough. She has no one else.
Another thing: I don't know about other places, but where I used to live, people would bring dogs to visit the nursing homes. There was a training program for the dogs and then their owners would take them to brighten people's days. This program was a huge success. They knew in advance which people to visit, of course.
Anyway, I live in a small independent housing of 40 apartments and so far, it's not cliquish. We do have a few crazies, I am sorry to say and they are best avoided. Crazies=people who call the police or the management to report things of no importance, just to stir up trouble. Fingers crossed that it stays this good.
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...lmao...
