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I'm not one to be constantly thinking about the past or former work acquaintances. But over several years I did call or email a few good friends that I worked with for many years. More often than not I got a vibe that they were not interested in communicating with me to the point of being kind of rude. Some I worked with for 25+ years. I know its normal to drift apart and loose touch over time. But whats wrong with at least being polite back.
Anyone else run into this kind of thing after retiring?
No, but I know of two retirees who have had this experience. One co-worker of one of these retirees was a supervisor with a PhD who was the boss. The retiree does not have a college degree and was at clerk level. They were pals on the job, going to lunch together and socializing outside the workplace. As soon as said retiree left, the PhD slowly dropped her as a "friend." It's a way different dynamic in the outside world, outside the workplace.
OTOH, for awhile (until she moved away) I remained friends with a coworker under me on the hierarchy and also with two volunteers from the workplace. I'm meeting one of those former volunteers for coffee this week; older than me, she's gotten her nursing degree and is working FT while I'm mostly retired.
The only way you can tell whether it's a mistake or not is to try it out, but I'd say don't be disappointed if it doesn't work.
Work friends are not really friends as we normally think of friends. A work friend can become a normal friend only if the outside social contacts are followed over a long time. Those that spend all their time work focused with little outside social contact usually end up with no friends or no true long term friends. You must develop out side of work friends via church or hobby interests or common interests. So your experience is the norm.
I know what you mean. I was excited to move back to near where I lived as a young adult, thinking that I would make contact with "old friends", even though we had not necessarily kept in close touch through the years. For the most part, it was as you described.
On the other hand, there were a few very nice reconnections that have held up, so don't give up.
I make it a point not to be a nuisance. If it's obvious that my getting in touch is not welcome for whatever the reason, I cease and desist. One friend I hadn't talked to in 40 years was glad to hear from me and even came to visit. We had a fun afternoon looking at year books, but we gradually let things fade. It was fun while it lasted.
I think it's sad that people miss these opportunities when people of all ages talk about how hard it is to make friends.
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
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I think a lot depends on the 'environment / culture' of your previous employ. So many are dog-eat-dog, and workers-eat-workers...
Inspite of 'relative ranking' (being ANNUALLY 'graded' against each other)...
We (co-workers) are a CLOSE group (worldwide) and highly leverage the excellent employ / training / community service of our previous benevolent employer (really was the founder's ... Bill and Dave 'garage' thing.) We have several web / bbs / notification / meet-ups / service / investment groups. I expect it will continue for decades. Probably cuz we help each other a LOT! (always have) & never pss and moan about our jobs / previous jobs / managers / co-workers / spouses / kids... We continue in the realm of 'respect', tho all was not peachy... it was pretty much the cream of the crop. (We only hired the top of the top 5%, and was VERY hard to get in +/-) some of us 'grunts' lucked out (never the 'top' of anything!). I have been associated with these co-workers for over 40 yrs. We had FUN!
I have 3 rural co-worker neighbors from previous employ. We join up to do community service projects (in the spirit of our previous employer... RIP), today we will be doing some urgent wildfire mitigation for the county.
Many of my co-workers have subcontract work arrangements. One 'retired' co worker now employs 120 of our former high tech co-workers (most are early retirees). Another has a smaller company that only has 5. Two coworkers in Singapore have multi country 'subcontract' firms / factories that largely draw workers and projects from previous employer (and serve the same as well as many competitors).
The 'ideal team' had 5 retirees 'job share' 3 positions for 4 months each. It was wonderful for them for about 10 yrs! (rotating months off and about 200% previous pay, while enjoying retirement benefits.) Our company decided this was too 'ideal'.. (too good to be true), so went to the rigorous Subcontract 'agency' model with the high overhead / competitive bid process. That has proven to be VERY good for the folks who create a viable subcontract agency. Still decent for retired co-workers who subcontract.
We still share a lot of 'invention' and currently working on various projects for personal / market / volunteer agencies. Locally we have helped each other start over 20 businesses / non-profits. At my original location in Colorado the number of 'co-worker' start-ups and non-profits would be in the hundreds (people seem to prefer to stay in 300+ days of sunshine, rather than 200+ days of drizzle).
It is really fun to go help in a 'residential senior memory care unit' that is managed by ex-high tech co-workers! We all may need to live there (together) eventually.
One group of co-workers all over age 65 took a wilderness raft trip into the wilderness of Alaska and they lost their rafts 2 days into the trip. They all survived (eventually), and even stayed friends! That was a REAL test!
If you hated your job (plenty of those here), you probably do not want to contact your previous co-workers... they may have a concealed weapon!
Last edited by StealthRabbit; 08-20-2015 at 12:08 PM..
I still keep in touch with several people from 2 previous workplaces and I have never felt a bad vibe from any of them. Guess it just depends on how good friends they were to begin with.
There are several people that became friends outside of the workplace while we were employed together. They were from a variety of jobs I had held. In fact, I introduced 2 of the women since they both grew up in the same area and had so many of the same qualities. They became very close friends themselves.
In all of these friendships, our husbands were introduced as well and we became "family friends". Work really wasn't what bound our friendship together anymore.
So, to answer your question, I have remained good friends with people I've previously worked with. The others were more acquaintances. When I run into one of them it's always nice to catch up. But, that's it. I have no desire to re-connect. If I had wanted a close, personal relationship it would have happened while I was working with them.
I've had the same thing happen to me. I've given up trying to reconnect with people. At this point they can try to find me if they want me.
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(being ANNUALLY 'graded' against each other)...
