Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
As I grow older, I realize how important it is to give attention to my needs and wants. I always felt that I "had" to get everything done or I would be a failure (to who?). And of course help others who were going through difficult times. While going through difficult times myself and thinking I had to do it "all" without any help.
I think there are plenty of us here who have done similar things, help others while ignoring our own needs. It has taken me a long time to realize that the people I thought were good friends were anything but that.
Getting older has offered me the opportunity to realize my own value. And if someone in my life denied my value, it has gotten easier to release that friendship. I'm also able now to consider that there are times when too many stressful things have happened in a short amount of time and that I don't bounce back as quickly as I once did. I'm taking time now to think about them, how I feel about them, to be more patient with myself. After spending a really nice weekend with my nephew and his wife, as I was driving home I burst into tears. And I could not stop. I realized that I had not grieved very much for losses I've had recently. A past habit of just getting through hard stuff and going forward without taking time to feel what needed to be felt.
This has given me a sense of freedom that I've been looking for for a long time.
Getting older isn't necessarily a bad thing. For me it is a blessing.
As I grow older, I realize how important it is to give attention to my needs and wants. I always felt that I "had" to get everything done or I would be a failure (to who?). And of course help others who were going through difficult times. While going through difficult times myself and thinking I had to do it "all" without any help.
I think there are plenty of us here who have done similar things, help others while ignoring our own needs. It has taken me a long time to realize that the people I thought were good friends were anything but that.
Getting older has offered me the opportunity to realize my own value. And if someone in my life denied my value, it has gotten easier to release that friendship. I'm also able now to consider that there are times when too many stressful things have happened in a short amount of time and that I don't bounce back as quickly as I once did. I'm taking time now to think about them, how I feel about them, to be more patient with myself. After spending a really nice weekend with my nephew and his wife, as I was driving home I burst into tears. And I could not stop. I realized that I had not grieved very much for losses I've had recently. A past habit of just getting through hard stuff and going forward without taking time to feel what needed to be felt.
This has given me a sense of freedom that I've been looking for for a long time.
Getting older isn't necessarily a bad thing. For me it is a blessing.
Good. You should let others do things for you now and then. Especially when you get older. So many injure themselves trying to do things their bodies cannot handle. Then when you break a bone or pull a muscle - you are really in a bind.
I am glad that the military "taught" me to let others do things for me. It was based on rank of course. When I was a lower rank, we had to do things for those with higher rank. Maybe people do not realize that when they were younger they did things for their elders, so now no reason to not let them do things for you.
I'm very empathic, and have been the person to call when you need someone. But I don't do that anymore. One woman, doing all the wrong things, only wanted to have me tell her her husband was a jerk and she wasn't harrasing him. Calling him ten time a day and leaving nasty messages is harrassing even if he was a jerk. I tried getting her to see that she was fueling the fire, but she just wanted rides, me to get her groceries and so on. Final straw was when I needed a place to stay for a short while, she got all mad that I would drive her sleep over around, or let him drive my car. I realized that never had she seen my in terms of need, just hers.
I stopped coming and calling and when I went by she'd moved. Don't know what happened.
But I think those of us who 'feel out' others well tend to get taken advantage of as a place to lean and yet when its something they don't want to hear, we're being mean.
What is it the airline staff say in the safety messages before the flight takes off? If you need oxygen, fit the mask over your face first and only then assist your children/others. In other words, you need to save yourself first or you won't be able to help anyone else.
I've helped some close friends in my life, but one thing for sure, I didn't go overboard in doing it. I knew when "enough is enough". Some friends got somewhat perturbed at me, but "oh well, I help as much as I could/wanted to and that's it".
I've helped some close friends in my life, but one thing for sure, I didn't go overboard in doing it. I knew when "enough is enough". Some friends got somewhat perturbed at me, but "oh well, I help as much as I could/wanted to and that's it".
Sounds like you have healthy boundaries. Nothing wrong with that.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
