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She was just admitted through the Hospice program this past Monday, as you said, they would not have accepted her unless she was terminal. They send a nurse to take her vitals and monitor her, a girl to give her a bath, said they have volunteers to sit with her for 1-2 hours maybe 3 times a week. This is very helpful but she needs someone around all the time but we are GRATEFUL for their help.
As I said before, my husband helps his dad although he isn't as bad as my mom. Funny how the neediest of his 3 boys, one lived with him until 58yo, never married, moved north about 2 hours. The other son always needing help with his mortgage, cars (free), help paying for insurance moved even further north almost 3 hours away. We never asked or took from him, never needed help, now that dad needs help, the brothers are gone.
Then you definitely should not quit your job and risk your future security for your family. You haven't mentioned what your husband is doing to help his dad and how many hours this entails, but I think you should try to juggle this. How many hours does he need to be away helping him? What might he be willing to do to help your Mom. All he really has to do is just be in the house.... am I right?
It also sounds like there is a large extended family. It's time to make some direct requests for assistance. Maybe someone comes from out of town for a weekend, once a month, for example. Maybe some other family member takes FMLA. You just don't know until you try and ask. Try to be direct, and start with small requests if you think family members will be resistant initially.
Do you have a job that has FMLA? Then you could take some time, if needed, without losing your job.
Again, you can afford with your mother's money to pay for additional help to come to the house for several additional hours a week so your husband can help his father as well and have "time off". You said she has a whole house to sell and gets almost 2k per month in her pension/SS. She has a lot of resources that can carry her if her life expectancy is less than 6 months. And if she has to go to a Nursing Home for part of that time because her personal demands are more than you can manage, that is always an option - thank goodness.
So, has your husband refused to help with this?
Another option is your husband goes back to work and you help out the two parents, while asking other relatives to assist.
You actually have a lot of options....more than many families do. I sense you don't realize this, because you are so frustrated with what you can't get (ie. more federal subsidies for your Mom to have around the clock care at home). That is not realistic. But you can do a lot. Especially with a husband not working and being at home.
Then you definitely should not quit your job and risk your future security for your family. You haven't mentioned what your husband is doing to help his dad and how many hours this entails, but I think you should try to juggle this. How many hours does he need to be away helping him? What might he be willing to do to help your Mom. All he really has to do is just be in the house.... am I right?
It also sounds like there is a large extended family. It's time to make some direct requests for assistance. Maybe someone comes from out of town for a weekend, once a month, for example. Maybe some other family member takes FMLA. You just don't know until you try and ask. Try to be direct, and start with small requests if you think family members will be resistant initially.
Do you have a job that has FMLA? Then you could take some time, if needed, without losing your job.
Again, you can afford with your mother's money to pay for additional help to come to the house for several additional hours a week so your husband can help his father as well and have "time off". You said she has a whole house to sell and gets almost 2k per month in her pension/SS. She has a lot of resources that can carry her if her life expectancy is less than 6 months. And if she has to go to a Nursing Home for part of that time because her personal demands are more than you can manage, that is always an option - thank goodness.
So, has your husband refused to help with this?
Another option is your husband goes back to work and you help out the two parents, while asking other relatives to assist.
You actually have a lot of options....more than many families do. I sense you don't realize this, because you are so frustrated with what you can't get (ie. more federal subsidies for your Mom to have around the clock care at home). That is not realistic. But you can do a lot. Especially with a husband not working and being at home.
Listen sfcambridge, I've looked at every angle, tried to get her help looking into every program but she was denied help. She certainly doesn't have enough income to pay herself. She already lost her house to the government and can't sell it. I know people don't understand how it works and some people will find out when it's too late.
Yes, I was ticked, I didn't want to give up my job, but there are no other options. It's up to us as it always has been all our lives.
You actually have a lot of options....more than many families do. I sense you don't realize this, because you are so frustrated with what you can't get (ie. more federal subsidies for your Mom to have around the clock care at home). That is not realistic. But you can do a lot. Especially with a husband not working and being at home.
Government does not give around the clock care. People obviously do NOT read. My husband has his own dad to take care of since his dead beat brothers who always took from him but now that he needs help they took off and I don't think he could handle the care of my mother. I have a medical background, he doesn't. I have two brothers, only one will help but he also works full time and did not save like I did.
Again, I've looked into every option and this looks to be my only option, like it or not.
Government does not give around the clock care. People obviously do NOT read. My husband has his own dad to take care of since his dead beat brothers who always took from him but now that he needs help they took off and I don't think he could handle the care of my mother. I have a medical background, he doesn't. I have two brothers, only one will help but he also works full time and did not save like I did.
Again, I've looked into every option and this looks to be my only option, like it or not.
I thought Medicare paid for hospice in a full time facility or at home. Medicaid pays for nursing home if needed and qualifies.
I thought Medicare paid for hospice in a full time facility or at home. Medicaid pays for nursing home if needed and qualifies.
My mom was on hospice through medicare.
You are right. She was in the rehab because she fell and broke her hip. When she was supposed to go home she fell in OT and had to stay. She ran out of medicare days and had to apply for medicaid, her house is now the governments after she passes.
We applied for Nursing Home Transition for help while she is home but she made $5.82 a month too much and was denied. Hospice will monitor her. Their goal is to keep her out of the hospital so she can pass at home.
Listen sfcambridge, I've looked at every angle, tried to get her help looking into every program but she was denied help. She certainly doesn't have enough income to pay herself. She already lost her house to the government and can't sell it. I know people don't understand how it works and some people will find out when it's too late.
Yes, I was ticked, I didn't want to give up my job, but there are no other options. It's up to us as it always has been all our lives.
You just ignored my questions, and whine about the same things. We are giving you a lot of ideas. Now suddenly the house is worth nothing and the government owns it all. Ok.... that happened fast. But she still has monthly income. You still have a husband, not working, who can be at home. You still have inpatient hospice as an option for respite care or for long term care.
It's not like your mother is paralyzed, needs to be turned every two hours, given medicines every 3 hours, catheterized every 4 hours, diapers changed, exercises done, dressings changed and infusions given. I don't think you realize how little help it sounds like your mother needs at this time. You can hire a caregiver to come for a few hours a few times a week with your mother's income, when your husband needs to help his Dad. You gather more people to help. Unless you have put off all of your family already with your judgmental tone?
So are you saying (but ignoring our suggestions) that your husband refuses to work, and refuses to help with your mother? If that is the case then I don't know what to tell you except you should probably still continue working and your mother should go to inpatient hospice
You don't realize that you are very close to taking care of this. The time you are wasting on this forum is only contributing to your frozen state.
I'm not sure why find myself drawn to respond to these threads. Very unhealthy.
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