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I like travelling alone, making my own choices about what to see and do. My main issue is meals. I just can't seem to get past eating alone in a restaurant. I feel like I'm sticking out like a sore thumb and everyone is looking at me, which of course they're not. I end up eating on the run or taking food back to my room. In my mind I know it's ridiculous, but how do I get past it? I'm not much of a book reader, but I guess I could bury my nose in my phone like most others do. Also I'm an introvert and have trouble striking up conversations with strangers. Any tips/advice?
If staying in a nice place is part of the experience, I am a big fan of room service. "Continental breakfast" is comfortable and casual.
sorry brava4, but would you all tell me why you find this so offensive..... the ones who do.
I was a young attractive woman and now I'm an old, relatively invisible one, but I am not retired in my 50's. I am considerably older, and I guess I was thinking of a woman my age when WCG posted "Retired women....."
Young women are more "attractive" for a reason. It is their biological time of life to "attract". I get treated with respect if I am lucky and ignored most of the time. I don't mind.
I think the way to travel safely is just to be smart. Don't carry a shoulder bag, wear expensive jewelry, open your wallet full of cash and credit cards in public, etc. You can fly under the radar at any age..... but being old helps
The reason the pose in question is so offensive is that rape is a crime of opportunity and a rapist is a predator looking for a target who is vulnerable. A woman who is alone, or very young, or past her youth, or distracted from her surroundings, can be that vulnerable target. Middle aged or older women can be targeted for rape if they are isolated or appear to be weak and easily overpowered. The rapist is looking for the easiest target, a person who appears easy to knock down and overpower.
Rape is not about targeting the most vibrant, attractive, and youthful woman on the street or parking lot or nature trail or apartment building or wherever. It is about finding the one with the unlocked window or unwieldy packages to carry or the one walking into a pool of shadow, so the rapist can attack quIckly, overpower the victim, and get away without being observed or stopped.
Girls and women of any age need to keep their wits about them and stay aware of their surroundings. I always do, especially in the big urban capitals where I often travel.
Youthful beauty is certainly no protection from the crime of rape, but neither is mature "invisibility." The best defense for any solo female traveler is be alert to what is happening around her at all times.
Retired women would be way way way better off travelling alone than young women. Sure, you might get mugged, but you're going to be less likely to be raped. I hate travelling alone and never will, but there are a lot of things two young women simply cannot do that two old women probably could. There is a huge advantage in being invisible to men.
I understand what you're saying and I agree. Few morons are going to risk a rape charge on an older woman. IMO.
I don't think this was tacky at all.
Bella - great thread! I have traveled a lot alone with my previous job - my favorite being NYC. I was meeting people I knew there but I decided to go the Friday before the weekly meeting that started MOnday. No one else could go early so I hopped a plane and crossed my fingers and off I went. Stayed in the Times Square area.
Walked all over - got the funniest looks when I was walking through the Diamond District. Central Park always held that BEWARE image - that's where people get mugged & murdered but I saw many walking in so hey, I'll try anything (almost) once so in I went. It was very nice (in the day time).
BUT, When you are traveling alone there are things you just can't do, or, I didn't feel I could do. Walking the streets at night, even with all the people, didn't seem safe. So evenings I stayed in, ordered room service and anxiously waited for the morning.
Once others arrived we hit the streets in a group and walked a long long way in the dark to Little Italy and didn't feel at all vulnerable.
My preference when traveling for leisure is to have someone with me. It's nice to have someone to talk to during meals and when visiting various sites. I admire those that can do this and enjoy it. I'd do better going with a group than alone - as long as we enjoyed the same things.
Mid-50s, single female here. I travel solo almost exclusively. It’s rare that I have friends that have the means and interest in traveling where I want to go at the same time I want to go there.
I do usually travel by cruise ship. I have found it is the most enjoyable way for me to travel as a single person. The cruising environment just seems to promote friendly interactions more than land-based resorts. I meet people from all over the world in one place (passengers and crew!), I can be with people as much as I want and alone as much as I want.
In port, I can join a ship’s excursion, find a tour myself through a third party or just make my own plans and wander by myself. (Some ports I’m very comfortable doing that, others not so much.) A few years ago, Sydney was the last port of a two week cruise. I had planned my day out to hit the highlights I wanted to see. By the time we got to Sydney, there were 15 people I met on the cruise that had asked if they could tag along – I was the unofficial (and unpaid ) tour director that day. It was a blast!
Yes, sure, there are some times that I feel like a single island in a sea of couples. And yes, paying double as a solo traveler is annoying. But it sure as heck beats staying home. In a few weeks, I’ll be off again to Rome, Greece and Turkey (unless the Turkey ports get cancelled – that’s a “wait and see” at this point). I’ll have a couple of days in Rome beforehand to visit the city on my own. Can’t wait.
I really am very impressed! Enjoy your trip! "Shirley Valentine" just keeps flashing through my mind
I like travelling alone, making my own choices about what to see and do. My main issue is meals. I just can't seem to get past eating alone in a restaurant. I feel like I'm sticking out like a sore thumb and everyone is looking at me, which of course they're not. I end up eating on the run or taking food back to my room. In my mind I know it's ridiculous, but how do I get past it? I'm not much of a book reader, but I guess I could bury my nose in my phone like most others do. Also I'm an introvert and have trouble striking up conversations with strangers. Any tips/advice?
I have no problem eating alone in restaurants, I've done it since I was teenagers. If I'm alone I would travel with friends or relatives or group tours. There are many ways to skin a cat.
Retired women would be way way way better off travelling alone than young women. Sure, you might get mugged, but you're going to be less likely to be raped. I hate travelling alone and never will, but there are a lot of things two young women simply cannot do that two old women probably could. There is a huge advantage in being invisible to men.
I'm in a hurry before work but wanted to say that in the main I agree with this. Young women tend to be victimized far more than older women and that includes sexually as well as other ways. I suppose you could say the same for boys. Sex may be a crime of domination and power but it also crime of sex. There are many ways to dominate.
I've been traveling alone for a good 20+ years both for work and pleasure. Never really seen the big deal about and don't understand why people/women are so afraid. Granted I think a lot of women and people aren't very independent generally. Tend to rely on others to figure out situations, run to others for what to do etc. which is strange because I think motherhood would sort of "solve" that issue of "problem, find a solution, make a decision, execute". I've just never understood what's so scary about doing things alone but I guess there are more scared people than not.
On a more personal note sitting on a beach alone is fine if you don't do it very often, have a chaotic personal life. But if you are alone a lot, it would be nice to share certain situations. I have a pretty high tolerance/need for alone time but it is starting to pale a bit.
I am 74 years old but in NO WAY do I consider myself OLD!!
It's all about attitude and what you think of yourself. If you think you are old and unattractive, you won't bother making that effort to look nice.
I was blessed by good genes and have always looked younger than my age. But I'm seeing a gradual change in that, but I still DO NOT FEEL old. Why should I?
I want to be attractive to the opposite sex. It's wonderful for my ego and how I feel about me.
I'm still interested in meeting someone. But I won't if I don't care enough about myself.
As for traveling solo, I prefer it. I've been disappointed too many times when I had a companion with me.
OK, so it's fine for you to want to be catcalled, groped, have passes made at you in the cereal aisle at the supermarket and have waiters flirt with you. If that's something you enjoy and want to encourage, you do you.
However, many of us find that constant sex obsession by men we encounter annoying, intrusive and threatening. Who wants to be having a normal converstaion with another adult and have them suddenly indicate they're thinking about having sex with you? And yeah, it's worse when you're in a totally foreign culture and the taxi driver or tour guide does it. Because that is bloody dangerous. For us, being able to spend a day in Rome or Agra just looking at ancient ruins would be a wonderful change of pace. And, even more, I would love to know if there's ever going to be a time when I could wander the Grand Bazaar on my own without a personal penis-haver and their implied ownerahip of me for protection.
OK, so it's fine for you to want to be catcalled, groped, have passes made at you in the cereal aisle at the supermarket and have waiters flirt with you. If that's something you enjoy and want to encourage, you do you.
However, many of us find that constant sex obsession by men we encounter annoying, intrusive and threatening. Who wants to be having a normal converstaion with another adult and have them suddenly indicate they're thinking about having sex with you? And yeah, it's worse when you're in a totally foreign culture and the taxi driver or tour guide does it. Because that is bloody dangerous. For us, being able to spend a day in Rome or Agra just looking at ancient ruins would be a wonderful change of pace. And, even more, I would love to know if there's ever going to be a time when I could wander the Grand Bazaar on my own without a personal penis-haver and their implied ownerahip of me for protection.
No it is not fine with me to be cat-called, but I am able to ignore it. No I am not fine being groped, having passes made, or waiters flirting with me.
I have self respect and do not encourage any of that behavior. I refuse to be a victim. I also avoid situations where I could be victimized that way. Using common sense helps a lot, too.
When you travel in foreign countries, are you aware that type of behavior is "normal" there? And do you know how to take care of yourself?
It isn't all about you. I imagine all the offenses you list are suffered by many women who either enjoy that type of attention or have learned how to take care of themselves.
There is an awful lot of anger in your post here. What happened to you that caused the anger? Were you abused as a child? This despicable offense is so traumatic and a woman who has had this happen to her needs to find someone who can help her. Please, if this is you, find help. Your life will be misery until you do. You have power. You do not have to put up with bad behavior from men or women.
I would encourage you to find a counselor who can help you achieve a better attitude about yourself, teach you how to protect yourself from the offenses you have listed. There are ways to do it and I really hope you will get some help.
Mid-50s, single female here. I travel solo almost exclusively. It’s rare that I have friends that have the means and interest in traveling where I want to go at the same time I want to go there.
I do usually travel by cruise ship. I have found it is the most enjoyable way for me to travel as a single person. The cruising environment just seems to promote friendly interactions more than land-based resorts. I meet people from all over the world in one place (passengers and crew!), I can be with people as much as I want and alone as much as I want.
In port, I can join a ship’s excursion, find a tour myself through a third party or just make my own plans and wander by myself. (Some ports I’m very comfortable doing that, others not so much.) A few years ago, Sydney was the last port of a two week cruise. I had planned my day out to hit the highlights I wanted to see. By the time we got to Sydney, there were 15 people I met on the cruise that had asked if they could tag along – I was the unofficial (and unpaid ) tour director that day. It was a blast!
Yes, sure, there are some times that I feel like a single island in a sea of couples. And yes, paying double as a solo traveler is annoying. But it sure as heck beats staying home. In a few weeks, I’ll be off again to Rome, Greece and Turkey (unless the Turkey ports get cancelled – that’s a “wait and see” at this point). I’ll have a couple of days in Rome beforehand to visit the city on my own. Can’t wait.
Lucky you!!! My husband and I did a Med cruise this past April starting in Barcelona and stopping in the ports of Sardinia, Sicily, Naples, Rome, and Florence. We had a great time, and although we travel together we have done on a number of cruises excursions and other activities separately. Me being more of a social butterfly I tend to meet and establish cruise friendships with lots of solo travelers. I met the most wonderful people on this past cruise from all over the globe and continue to keep in touch with people I met from England, Jordan, and Oklahoma
We have done 16 cruises and I agree this a good option for solo travel. NCL which we have done our last 6 cruises on really caters to solo travelers. On their bigger ships they have an area with solo cabins that include a nice lounge along with many planned activities for the solo cruiser. Definitely a nice option for the solo traveler who does not want to cabin share.
Have fun on your cruise and please toss a coin in the Trevi Fountain for me as I did not get an opportunity to do this on my cruise.
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. Central Park always held that BEWARE image - that's where people get mugged & murdered but I saw many walking in so hey, I'll try anything (almost) once so in I went. It was very nice (in the day time).
