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I travel cross country to see family a couple of times each year with the trip involving 4 hours on a plane plus 8 hours of train & bus. Mostly happy to keep to myself, with headphones on listening to music, but occaisionally end up talking to someone on one of those legs. I was a bit of a road warrior before I retired and have enjoyed these random travel conversations as the topics covered can be anything. The reason for this post is that now that I am getting older, grey beard and bald on top, I seem to be having a more in depth conversations.
The latest was during a 2 hour wait in a crowded airport lounge. Sat down with a young man (mid 40s?), grabbed a beer and started chatting. Initially travel and restoring old cars but last 20 mins was about has father and brother starting a rift with his wife which means they no longer have family gatherings. He seemed to need to vent about the pain this was causing and his inabilty to get it resolved.
The one before was on the train leg sitting in a pod of 4 seats where I was talking to another retiree swapping travel tales such as food in Malta versus Hawaii. Rough looking, 30ish guy joins the conversation. He worked on trawlers and started by complaining about the job but he mostly wanted to talk of his Dad dying 12 months earlier. He was struggling to get over the grief and the feeling of being completely alone.
I had thought that maybe I was viewed as an "elder" which is a funny feeling as it is not how I feel. I created this post to ask if others had noticed anything similar?
I enjoy chatting with people but I always ask them if they want to chat. Some do and some don't. I'm ok with just listening to my iPod.
If you are a good listener, you can draw people out and get them to talk. For the most part, we're all too lonely.
When I was the senior engineer during my final 5 years of work, many of the younger Asian engineers would seek me out for advice on how to make technical decisions. I thought it must have been a cultural thing. They tend to respect older folks.
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
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Thanks for taking an interest in another human being. !
"For the most part, we're all too lonely."
Listening is a great skill. Knowing how to make meaningful conversation is a rare and valuable skillset.
Since I travel every week, I was just thinking about this topic on Monday while on a SWA flight. Chatter was at a high level (as usual for the LUV airline). The flight crew helps to defuse the tension of many fliers by making an effort to be casual and fun. (+/-). but... there are a lot of people on pins and needles all the time and especially when traveling and even more so flying. It is good to 'free' them for relationships / discussions.
On the other hand... if you like it quiet... fly a legacy carrier and use 'red-eye' flights.
Quite honestly, I am a bit concerned about our emerging 'self' culture. By choice, necessity, or habit people are stuck within their own skin, and what is going on inside that skin may be quite alarming.
After the decapitation incident of the 'seatmate' on a Greyhound bus in Canada. I tend to be more cautious of other passengers.
In a world where just about everyone seems to be in broadcast-only mode, a patient listener is worth his weight in gold.
I have had many encounters such as you describe on Amtrak (I don't fly). One man spoke to me of his wife's estrangement after the death of their son and how he was helping someone's small business get off the ground.
Since it's Amtrak policy to seat four to a table in the dining car, I've met people from all over.
... Thank You (All 3 of y'all) for bringing-up this topic ... It's one I try not to participate in, when we travel, mainly due to there being so many people who are jammed-into the flying cigar tube (airliner), and may be nervous about "travel" in general. We have noticed that many, many people have their 'electronic devices' already plugged-into their ears, when they take their seats. That tends to limit conversation all by itself. Additionally, our flights are never longer than 3 or 4 hours, and I believe that also tends to limit in-depth conversation.
I really have no anecdote(s) or advice to offer - I just want to say that I do really enjoy being reminded that not everyone wants to discuss their personal lives while traveling, and that y'all seem to have noticed those who do. Stealth's comment about the bus in Canada will be taken to heart by a lot of folks , I suspect; those who travel by bus, and also by other means.
...
Sorry no answers for you because for the most part I am a home body. I really should get out and travel a little bit and the train comments here sparked thoughts to look into Amtrack to see if there are any stops within 100 miles or so of where I live. I hate to drive and not fond of flying but I always loved trains. Thanks for putting these thoughts in my brain. I might just pursue a little train trip.
I have a real interest in people. I enjoy listening to them tell their stories, I like to find out more about a person by asking questions and most are very willing to share.
I used to be with a guy who had lots of friends and once I met them and found them friendly, I would ask questions to learn more about them.
Then on the way home I would ask my guy if he knew this and that about any one of them and he would say no. He told me he knew those people for 10 or 20 years and I knew more about them after 15 minutes.
When people don't indicate they want to chat, I move on.
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
34,754 posts, read 58,140,793 times
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There was some discussion during the investigation that the assailant was upset that the seatmate didn't acknowledge or speak to him, but instead, used headphones and slept.
As was stated earlier, Amtrak, or the Canadian equivalent, is a wonderful venue to have nice long conversations. It is amazing what you learn...and it usually isn't personal drama. I learned all about beekeeping once. I met an independent film maker and was interviewed on camera for a documentary on train travel. I met a NPS park ranger from Roosevelt's home in Hyde Park and we talked about the mechanics of running a house museum open to thousands of visitors. My wife learned all about salmon farming off the coast of British Columbia. I met a seventeen year old author with three published books and also a "ghost writer" who assisted others (unnamed) to write books. It seems that people travelling alone are most talkative because they don't have family to attend to.
Open seating in the dining car means you meet new people at every meal. One example was two ladies who were traveling together from Virginia to California on Amtrak. They befriended a lone Chinese lady tourist somewhere near Chicago and they were well acquainted by the time I joined them for lunch. We talked for almost two hours. Another time I joined a lady for lunch who was travelling alone and we happened to have the same destination. She was from Hawaii and was describing where she lived and the various local plants and animals. Another lady sitting at a table across the aisle was obviously listening and interrupted finally to ask exactly where my table companion was from. It turned out that they were neighbors in Hawaii living a short distance apart and had never met. They both left Hawaii on different days for different reasons, heading to different destinations, and met in a train dining car crossing northern New Mexico. What are the odds of that?
Air travel has no comparison to train travel. On a plane we all might as well be stuffed into potato sacks or drugged. That might be a better plan because by the time we get on a plane we are unfit for human companionship. Luckily we are together for a relatively short period. People seem to be on trains because they want to be on a train and have that experience. I don't know anyone today who is really happy to be crammed into a plane.
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