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They're getting older yes, but they aren't dead. They still have to be the champions of their own cause and cant count on anybody to bail them out. If that means they have to sell houses and take lower paying work to keep their heads above water, that's what it means. It's going to be a tough situation to deal with though if they've spent their lives making bad financial moves. Usually you're fighting against an entitlement mentality with people like that. Help them out if you can here and there but you can't turn you own life upside down because of this.
You didn't really give any information. Age, income, assets(equity - I assume zero?) , expenses etc.
The emotional stuff isn't the issue; the practical stuff being resolved solves the emotional stuff.
If they worked their entire lives, they should have enough Social Security to live and apply for low income senior income based housing. You pay a percent of your income and you qualify by checking your income against the Average Median Income for your county. Certain percentages below the average qualify you for various buildings depending on how the company set up the Plan with HUD and financing etc. You just speak with the leasing agent and they do all the "qualifying" with you. Just like moving into any other place.
They're very cheap AND typically VERY nice. Sell and move.
Even if someone only gets a meager 10K or whatever per year, there is housing for them. I'd be looking at places that don't require cars, too.
Taking SS at age 62 penalizes you 25% but perhaps that'll be "better" long term as it will qualify them for housing and benefits where waiting for full retirement age of 65 or 66 is just throwing money away on those houses and mortgages anyway. You can work all you want if you're full retirement age. Someone needs to evaluate all this.
The REAL problem starts when they are unable to care for themselves and need to go to Medicaid taxpayer supported Skilled Nursing facilities, but refuse.
Are they sober? If not, there's nothing you can do anyway for real.
Not to mention you can still work part time on the books and make up to $16,920 in 2017 without penalty even while collecting SS. Assuming somebody had nothing but did always work and pay FICA for 40+ years you would be in no danger of starving to death or going without medical care.
I moved away from my hometown a long time ago. I moved to Southern California, have since planted roots and started a family, and we are able to support ourselves financially. Reason I mention this though, is because space is a premium out here.
Now on to my parents. They have both just reached retirement age, but they spent their life making horrible financial decisions, they divorced a few years ago, now they are also getting sick and they are broke. They were both coincidentally laid off from their jobs at the same time last year, they both still have their mortgages, and they don't have any prospects of gainful employment nor do they have significant retirement savings.
Like I said, I'm too far away from them to take care of them, I dont have much to help them, and I can't move back there. My famity and career are rooted here.
My parents would have no way to financially support themselves in Southern California. My father has become extremely argumentative and bitter. He can not live with me. My mother is very intrusive and almost parasitic.
I love my parents, I mentally feel as though I'll be turning my back on them, but I cannot support them and if they live with me it would cost me my marriage. My wife would rightfully say NO.
What can I do?
How old are they? Too old to make their own decisions? Too old to sell their houses and move someplace cheaper?
I skipped a lot of the posts but wanted to add to the discussion.
I think it's wonderful you're concerned enough to reach out and want to do something. How many kids think like that, even adult kids. Your wife is lucky and blessed to have you!
If your parents have lived in a community for years, surely they have friends, old co-workers, or neighbors. While those friends may not know details, if they did, I bet they'd step up and at least offer emotional support. Do you know any old neighbors or friends to call? Ask?
While I haven't been in your situation I did deal with parents being out of state. It isn't easy being long distance or out of state when a loved one needs to talk or help. I did a few trips each year to go visit. I was available when they called. Like you I couldn't be there even if I wanted to.
I wonder if they'll listen to your advice. If not then maybe a friend can get through to them. I wish you the best. Do let us know how it goes.
Love does NOT mean being a doormat. Love does NOT mean abandoning your children and wife to take care of your parents. Love does NOT mean putting yourself into a bad financial situation for your parents. Love does NOT mean you give up your life to take of others.
How sad that there are people who actually have to have this explained to them.
I note that none of the people who are recommending the OP sacrifice his family for his parents have actually done so themselves. Talk is cheap.
They are still divorced, right? They need to sell their homes or whatever they have mortgaged. Then they need to see a social worker and apply for low income housing for seniors.
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