Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Have any of you dealt with friends who feel free to tell you that what you are thinking of doing is not a good idea?
Most of my life I have wanted to live near water. First it was ocean, grudgingly gave into thinking about a lake. More recently I believe the St. Lawrence River would be ideal (I've made a lot of visits there), and I would not be leaving NY state. When I mentioned this to her she said "oh you have moved so many times." Yeah, true, I have.
I don't think she understands how different our lives are. I am not overly happy living where I am right now. It's a 55+ and/or handicapped apartment complex. I remember when I first moved in it reminded me of a motel. Her last husband built a house for her and she has remained there. He died many years ago.
I probably sound very envious. And maybe that is part of the problem. I've thought about making a comment pointing out our differences. But I have decided to just keep my mouth shut (a newly acquired talent).
I would appreciate any insight you might have and maybe how I can best deal with it so that I don't feel so put down, so to speak.
And please, if you just want to bash me, don't. I do enough of that to myself.
Have any of you dealt with friends who feel free to tell you that what you are thinking of doing is not a good idea?
Most of my life I have wanted to live near water. First it was ocean, grudgingly gave into thinking about a lake. More recently I believe the St. Lawrence River would be ideal (I've made a lot of visits there), and I would not be leaving NY state. When I mentioned this to her she said "oh you have moved so many times." Yeah, true, I have.
I don't think she understands how different our lives are. I am not overly happy living where I am right now. It's a 55+ and/or handicapped apartment complex. I remember when I first moved in it reminded me of a motel. Her last husband built a house for her and she has remained there. He died many years ago.
I probably sound very envious. And maybe that is part of the problem. I've thought about making a comment pointing out our differences. But I have decided to just keep my mouth shut (a newly acquired talent).
I would appreciate any insight you might have and maybe how I can best deal with it so that I don't feel so put down, so to speak.
And please, if you just want to bash me, don't. I do enough of that to myself.
Hey, if she feels free to tell you how she feels, why shouldn't you?
Maybe she wants to move also, but feels some kind of loyalty to her house. My older sister is like this. She had parts of the house redone, but she couldn't bring herself to redo the kitchen counters even though she wanted to redo them. Her hubby did them.
I too want to live by water and think of moving all the time. A simple easy to maintain residence. I'm kind of stuck now because of all my pets. This morning I was thinking, that it seems it might be a while before I can do that, so maybe I should just make this place more comfy and to my liking. Work with what I have.
Hey, if she feels free to tell you how she feels, why shouldn't you?
Maybe she wants to move also, but feels some kind of loyalty to her house. My older sister is like this. She had parts of the house redone, but she couldn't bring herself to redo the kitchen counters even though she wanted to redo them. Her hubby did them.
I too want to live by water and think of moving all the time. A simple easy to maintain residence. I'm kind of stuck now because of all my pets. This morning I was thinking, that it seems it might be a while before I can do that, so maybe I should just make this place more comfy and to my liking. Work with what I have.
This could very well be. The other day a neighbor of mine was saying that she just can't part with the big old elephant of a home she owns in Vermont even though she is living in here in Lakewood, Ohio. Her son is living in the house and is barely able to keep up with it falling apart all around it. Still she just can't let go and he is hanging on in respect with her wishes. It's a real no-win situation.
To the OP, there's a time to be quiet and a time to speak up. The really hard part is determining when the time is right for each situation. I say go with your gut and do what you feel you must do so you don't have to continually deal with the situation.
Have any of you dealt with friends who feel free to tell you that what you are thinking of doing is not a good idea?
Most of my life I have wanted to live near water. First it was ocean, grudgingly gave into thinking about a lake. More recently I believe the St. Lawrence River would be ideal (I've made a lot of visits there), and I would not be leaving NY state. When I mentioned this to her she said "oh you have moved so many times." Yeah, true, I have....
I would appreciate any insight you might have and maybe how I can best deal with it so that I don't feel so put down, so to speak.
And please, if you just want to bash me, don't. I do enough of that to myself.
Well, you could always go the next step and ask what she thinks you should do. This is really dangerous ground as her answer might be one that you don't like (for any number of reasons), and things could quickly escalate into a deeply unpleasant disagreement.
But, it is true that wherever you go, there you are....at least as far as your coping skills and memories go. Other than her remark that you cited, I wonder if she has any unbossy, helpful observations or suggestions about stay or move. But as I said above, it's a chancy gambit.
But maybe you could just kind of step over this situation with your friend for a bit. You agree that her observation is on the right track, so maybe you should just think about what you hope to gain from moving, and if - possibly - you have "magical" expectations about the St. Lawrence area. (It is a gorgeous area in my estimation, by the way...except for the snow.)
How much of your idea is simply about a more agreeable environment, and how much could it be about "I do not like my life."
After you think about your idea a bit more, then - maybe - you might want to talk to her about it again. Just possibly.
Just a note. I uprooted my self completely and moved to a foreign country where I knew no one. I would say, regarding my remark about what you take with you, that my coping skills really faced totally new situations and I had to wing it a lot, and many of my memories of the past seem to have become very neutral since the move. You would be moving to more familiar territory, so maybe more of "yourself" would travel with you. This just occurred as an afterthought.
Have any of you dealt with friends who feel free to tell you that what you are thinking of doing is not a good idea?
Most of my life I have wanted to live near water. First it was ocean, grudgingly gave into thinking about a lake. More recently I believe the St. Lawrence River would be ideal (I've made a lot of visits there), and I would not be leaving NY state. When I mentioned this to her she said "oh you have moved so many times." Yeah, true, I have.
I don't think she understands how different our lives are. I am not overly happy living where I am right now. It's a 55+ and/or handicapped apartment complex. I remember when I first moved in it reminded me of a motel. Her last husband built a house for her and she has remained there. He died many years ago.
I probably sound very envious. And maybe that is part of the problem. I've thought about making a comment pointing out our differences. But I have decided to just keep my mouth shut (a newly acquired talent).
I would appreciate any insight you might have and maybe how I can best deal with it so that I don't feel so put down, so to speak.
And please, if you just want to bash me, don't. I do enough of that to myself.
NYgal, if you have never really liked where you are living since you moved there and you have always longed to live near water, that says a lot and makes me think you should go for it. You seem to have already compromised by giving up the ocean and by staying in the same state, so that tells me you're being realistic and practical.
As far as your friend's seemingly non-supportive observations, she seems to not have "walked a mile in your shoes".
Are there other reasons why you should disregard her input?
Do you find her to have a good head on her shoulders in general when it comes to decisions?
Has she ever had to make really hard decisions and if so has she made good ones and not regretted the decisions afterwards?
I think "observations" from people have different levels of value, depending on the source.
As far as having "moved many times" being construed as a criticism, I read somewhere here on CD that people should be more willing to move more often. Goodness gracious, we have one life to live. To spend it all in one or two or even three places can certainly be construed as b-o-r-i-n-g.
Lastly, if I may, to the point of "no matter where you go, there you are" - Of course this is true. But there is very little doubt to my way of thinking that if you didn't like where you are now from the very beginning (for specific reasons which you have stated) and if you've always wanted to be near water, you will very likely be happier by making the leap.
Good luck whatever you decide. Draw on the strength that is inside of you.
And, if you do decide to move, having done it "many times" before is an advantage. You know how to do it! Perhaps you should put that knowledge and experience to use. :-)
Keeping your mouth shut is a good habit, but maybe not at the expense of sticking up for yourself, of course, in a nice way.
I've read some good things in your responses. I want to respond to you but not feeling well right now. From reading other forums here, I know when the OP "disappears" for a while, a lot of assumptions are made. I'm here. Just not ready to write.
Hope you're feeling better. The St. Lawrence / Thousand Island area is beautiful !
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
