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I thought I would post the following checklist which I received as part of the paperwork from our local cemetery. For those of you who have not seen my prior posts, I'm the daughter of two 88 year old parents and act as their full-time caregiver. My Dad has lung cancer and my Mom has Severe Alzheimer's. It all happened in a three year time-frame. None of us were prepared and all our lives have been changed in ways you cannot begin to imagine.
With the view of making things easier for YOUR children or SO, I would highly recommend that you spend a day or two gathering the information listed in "Secure Vital Statistics" and "Collection Documents". It will mean less stress for them if everything is placed together in one file which is easy to locate during a stressful time.
I know there has been a thread on this before and a great deal of "they can burn me and scatter my ashes". And that's fine. But what everyone NEEDS to know is that the family member responsible for your remains will need to deal with most of the items on this list. Make it a bit easier for them. Therefore, this list is not so much for you personally - but for the person responsible for your remains.
Personally, I have already now pre-paid and pre-planned my parent's funeral (and while I was at it - mine. I may only be 48, but I've witnessed things changing fast - and I'm an only child and have no desire to place this burden on my friends). A good few of the things on the list below are already taken care of via that pre-planning. And trust me, as surreal and gruesome as it was to deal with, it is now a major relief to have it behind me. It might be a good idea for you to print off this list and see how many of the items you can already check off - or work to put in one file now.
And please note to those with Power of Attorney or to those of you who have given someone Power of Attorney over your affairs: Power of Attorney ENDS the day you die. Therefore, if you think your child will have easy access to your accounts to make payments, that is NOT the case. Please be very aware of this. Someone will have to pay the costs upfront (if you have not pre-paid) and will only be reimbursed upon the settlement of your estate.
Notify Immediately
- The doctor or doctors
- The funeral director
- The cemetery
- All relatives
- All friends
- Family attorney
- Employers of deceased
- Employers of relatives missing work
- Insurance agents (life, health, etc.)
- Organizations (religious, civic, etc.)
- Newspapers for obituary
Decide and Arrange Immediately
- Select funeral director
- Select cemetery
- Purchase burial property
- Select casket
- Select vault
- Arrange type of service (military, etc.)
- Decide location of services
- Select clergy to officiate
- Provide information for eulogy
- Select flowers
- Arrange for music and visitation
- Select memorial
- Provide obituary to newspaper(s)
- Answer calls, messages and letters
- Get addresses for thank you cards
- Meet with funeral director
- Check and sign burial permit
- Arrange for special memorial services
- Check the will for special wishes
- Order death certificate
- Look after house and children
Secure Vital Statistics (All of this information is required for the Death Certificate issued by the Board of Health)
- Name, home address and telephone
- How long in state
- Name of business, address and phone
- Occupation and title
- Social Security Number
- Veteran's Serial Number
- Date of Birth
- Place of Birth
- US Citizenship
- Father's name
- Father's birthplace
- Mother's maiden name
- Mother's birthplace
- Religious name (if any)
Collection Documents (All of this information is required to establish rights for insurance, pension, Social Security, etc.)
- Funeral certificate
- Deed to burial property
- Will
- Legal proof of age or birth certificate
- Social Security card or number
- Marriage license
- Citizenship papers
- Insurance policies (life, health, etc.)
- Bank books
- Bank account numbers
- Deeds to property
- Bill of sale of car
- Income tax returns, receipts, checks
- Veteran's discharge certificate
- Disability and pension claims
Pay for the Following
- Funeral Services
- Memorials
- Casket, vaults, endowed care
- Burial plot, mausoleum, or niche
- Opening and closing of plot
- Clergy
- Church or temple
- Transportation
- Any attorney fees
I've got most of this in a large 3-ring binder with labeled sections. It is in a safe. I will tape this checklist (modified for me) to the top of the safe. Best wishes and adios!
It is so daunting to deal with the aftermath of a person dying, esp a spouse, partner, or parent, and especially if one is not a CPA or legal professional. One has to wonder how anyone who dies gets his or her affairs taken care of properly!! And with grown kids on the move, can we count on them to carry out the list??
My father is a very healthy 87-year-old who lives on his own in a small trailer. He has zero assets. My sister lives some 45 minutes away. He gave me his Soc. Sec. number and the vet cemetary he wants to be in after cremation, and she took him to fill out whatever paperwork. All he wants is to make sure there's a Jewish star on the stone the vets' place puts on graves (I think it's a small flat marker) to show "that Jews fought back." He has left no instructions as to end of life care (although he very much liked the hospice service I found for my mother) and doesn't even seem able to consider possible dementia. He most fears cancer, as most of his siblings died of it and he absolutely doesn't want to"just lie in a bed and you can't do anything." He expects a sudden heart attack (had one 12 years ago). I hope he gets his way.
My father is a very healthy 87-year-old who lives on his own in a small trailer. He has zero assets. My sister lives some 45 minutes away. He gave me his Soc. Sec. number and the vet cemetary he wants to be in after cremation, and she took him to fill out whatever paperwork. All he wants is to make sure there's a Jewish star on the stone the vets' place puts on graves (I think it's a small flat marker) to show "that Jews fought back." He has left no instructions as to end of life care (although he very much liked the hospice service I found for my mother) and doesn't even seem able to consider possible dementia. He most fears cancer, as most of his siblings died of it and he absolutely doesn't want to"just lie in a bed and you can't do anything." He expects a sudden heart attack (had one 12 years ago). I hope he gets his way.
My 81 yr old mother just went through a lot of this when my younger brother died. It doesn't matter the age. Some of the things can be bypassed... say if you care to cremate. My brother was cremated and my mother has his ashes.
My mother insisted on taking care of all the details about my brother but every day we reviewed it together.
I've got most of this in a large 3-ring binder with labeled sections. It is in a safe. I will tape this checklist (modified for me) to the top of the safe. Best wishes and adios!
It is so daunting to deal with the aftermath of a person dying, esp a spouse, partner, or parent, and especially if one is not a CPA or legal professional. One has to wonder how anyone who dies gets his or her affairs taken care of properly!! And with grown kids on the move, can we count on them to carry out the list??
You need to have someone be your power of attorney. There are differnent kinds but it is worth having the talk with someone you trust. It is wise to set it up now and re-evaluate if needed.
My mother has my snl as hers. She has gone over everything with her and we all agreed she was the best person. Many of us don't live near my mom so medical/end of life decisions needed someone close by. I have to say, I really appreciate my mother's down to earth approach to her own death.
My father never wanted to talk about any of it even though I tried many times.
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Great list -
