Retirees who move to another state what about friends (beach, moving, acquaintance)
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This is for retirees or considering relocating to another state.
When you make that decision, how much of a factor is it that you will be leaving behind friends and nears and dears - a social circle that you built over time.
Let's assume that you practically know no one in the new location and will have to start building friendships all over again.
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
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BTDT a few times (5 oversea assignments and moves) (2) in retirement.
We stay engaged to an extent with old friends (very good friends from locations 40+ yrs ago)
We host a lot of people to our home in the new location
Join community volunteer groups
Seek to nurture old and new friends (They all get personal Valentines!, from our previous 'Sweetheart City')
Be a good neighbor
A problem... snowbirding / frequently traveling can get you feeling 'lonely' for a LONG heart-to-heart conversation with a close neighbor. Or anguish to not be able to help a friend out while you are in another location.
Facetime helps... frequent trips 'back' to renew friendships help. Hosting past friends to your new location helps..
Nothing replaces GREAT friends.
Reunions are to be treasured.
We left the town where DH was born and grew up, and where we lived as a couple for 36 years. All of his siblings and all my siblings and most of their children and grandchildren lived within 50 miles of us, many of them only a few minutes' drive away.
In the town we moved to, we knew exactly 3 people, one of them was our son who at the time was attending college but has since moved away; the other two were women from whom we rented vacation homes during our many stays here.
We've been here 20 months and have not had any trouble meeting and getting to know people. I wouldn't call any of them "close" friends but we've never run out of opportunities to socialize, and there are several whom we feel comfortable calling to ask favors.
Some reasons for that:
1) We chose a city that is compatible with our interests and values. Much more so, in fact, than the town we left.
2) The area to which we moved is known for being welcoming, friendly, and accepting of newcomers. Again, imo, more so than the town we left even though it was okay in that regard.
3) We dived right in to participate in activities which we enjoy (theater, museums, gardening, library, walking, birdwatching, politics). Thanks to our many visits here, we knew we'd have no trouble indulging those interests and finding others who enjoy them.
FWIW, moving to a new place may mean you'll suddenly get more friends that you had before. Especially if you move to a place with lots of retirees (who ahve time to socialize). That's what seems to be happening to us. We moved from northern VA (very busy and career oriented, hard to find time to get together with friends) to Williamsburg (extremely sociable, with a huge population of newly retired people who are looking for new friends) and have made all sorts of friends in a very short time. Which is still a little surprising to me, because it was just so hard to do things with friends in Nova.
In my new town, I've met people by doing some volunteer work, and we joined a few meet-ups (BYOB club, that sort of thing) and made friends through that. I've also met most of my neighbors and done a few things with them. There are a few people who I think might become close friends, including our next door neighbor, who we've gone to a few concerts and HOA events with.
In addition to all our new friends, I think I may see more of my friends from Northern VA now than I did when I lived there. Now that I've moved to Williamsburg, people who rarely had time to go out for dinner up there all want to go out to dinner or stop by for a few days on their way to the NC beaches.
Last edited by Piney Creek; 07-27-2018 at 12:54 PM..
We moved HERE almost 30 years ago and knew no one. Left family and friends behind. Still close enough to visit on vacation - and then there's email/FB and the phone.
We're moving closer to family - and some friends - in retirement. I feel much more secure/happier closer to family.
Friends we leave behind will visit or will stay in touch via the internet.
We lived in the area surrounding Sacramento CA for pretty much our entire lives. Our friends of 30+ years and our siblings all lived within a 40 mile radius of Sacramento. We moved 2500 miles to Tennessee to retire, not knowing a soul. We were somewhat worried about leaving all the people behind, but we knew that we can't live our lives for our friends and family. Most of them still work, and they don't make their life decisions based upon our being nearby, and we realize that spending a few hours together around holidays and birthdays maybe 5 or 6 times a year doesn't justify living the other 360 days nearby so we can see them when they have time for us. There is internet, telephone, and skype, etc to keep in contact. I go back once a year or so to see them in person. My husband telephones his friends for extensive conversations every few weeks. And it's enough. We don't have kids or grands, so I'm sure that makes it easier for us.
We moved to a community with many planned activities and clubs that allow us to make friends, and we actually spend a lot more time with our new friends here than we did with our old friends when we were in CA. Our new friends are retired, live very near, and have time to be involved in mutual interests. With our old friends and our families, we spent time together based upon love and close feelings, but our interests were often much different, and the things we did together were often more about habit and tradition than actual desire to do those specific activities.
It seems that since we left, my siblings and their kids have spent less time together than when we all were together. When I go back to visit, I end up visiting them individually, rather than at group dinners or parties as we used to. In a way, spending a day or two with each gives us much more one-to-one time, and a deeper relationship than we had when we were all together as a group.
.....how much of a factor is it that you will be leaving behind friends and nears and dears - a social circle that you built over time.
Let's assume that you practically know no one in the new location and will have to start building friendships all over again.
I did that. I have friends clustered in three places now. I keep track of those far away by the internet and phone calls. I make a plan to visit about every year and a half. My earlier friends and family lived about 150 miles from where I lived and raised a family for about 35 years so it was normal not to see people regularly. My family is very small and scattered so there was never any strong pull to stay close to family.
I moved 1000 miles in 2013 and where I live now I have a new batch of friends. I managed that by being open and friendly with people. I have a night with friends each week at a local brew-pub where we have a "vinyl night" and listen to records -- mostly jazz but other stuff as well. We might get together on weekends for a few hours. I joined an Italian-American club (I'm not Italian) and play bocce with them and I'm learning a little Italian on the side. I volunteer at a local foundation and became an officer. Living close to two major interstates means I'm more or less on the way when friends travel cross country so I see old friends and relatives more often than one would expect. My daughter moved here a couple years ago and likes it as much as I do. I have some friends who are planning to move here from Arizona in a few years. I just met a new couple that moved here from New York and another couple from Florida. There is a growing retiree transplant population so they are also looking for friends and it works out okay.
I tried meet-ups and my church but that really didn't work as well as just being unstructured and available to make friends.
I will preface this with stating that my husband and I are both very much introverts.
Ten years ago I moved from Florida where I had friendships, a business, a home. I investigated the city I moved to as I was moving into it. I knew no one here. Of the friendships that I left, one has survived. That is my fault. I don't put much effort into keeping in touch. Regarding the friendship that survived, we don't have much in common, don't visit each other, rarely talk, but we like each other well enough.
My husband has lived here for 30 years. His friends have pretty much moved away over that time and he hasn't bothered to replace them. He keeps in touch with them through email, and phone.
I don't find this an easy place to make friends. I have made a couple of acquaintances. We do 1 or 2 things together a year. That is plenty for me.
We are planning to move again. This time I would like to find a place where it is easier to befriend people. Friends come and go. I don't think it's a good idea to factor them into my major decisions.
As in previous posts, I point out the enormous difference in one's need for friends and contact if alone versus being a "we." Not that it's easier to make new friends, but it certainly might well be more imperative.
I live in Las Vegas so some of my old friends still visit now and then. I have found that distance doesn't deter a real friendship. You just don't have the opportunities to see each other that you did when you lived in the same place.
When I first started planning to move, I had an aunt and uncle here. Well life happened, my uncle died and my aunt moved away. I do wish I had more friends here but socializing costs money that at least for now is better spent elsewhere. I miss having people to do things with! But not enough to want to move back to where winter is half the year.
Plus we probably idealize more than a bit. I think I am missing out on things but in reality, my friends all have their own lives, most are still working, and have kids/grands. If I lived there I probably still wouldn't see them much. We would probably talk more.
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