Retirees who move to another state what about friends (alcohol, community, social security)
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Had no trouble making friends when I moved to a new city where I knew no one. Started with a meetup or two, then our group of friends quickly formed and we were close the three years I lived there.
We were same ages, retired early, no kids around, and all were new to the area. Several I developed deeper relationships with, besides having common interests. We discussed just about any topic, I think because all of us were open-minded and non-judgmental at heart.
It's easy to meet people to share activity/interests.What's hard (and is so much easier when younger/at work/in school) is to meet people or a person with whom you can click emotionally, or share growth or or or. For me, it's not about hiking or liking dogs or whatever, although that can be a start.
My long-term friends were all pretty much connected when we worked together and had conversations at work and then outside work. Not too likely to get that time again.
True. I can count the Click At First Meeting people on one hand. It is like a form of chemistry.
Maybe with age, as we get pickier, we also become weary of facades and just hang back, wait and see. I am guilty of this.
This is for retirees or considering relocating to another state.
When you make that decision, how much of a factor is it that you will be leaving behind friends and nears and dears - a social circle that you built over time.
Let's assume that you practically know no one in the new location and will have to start building friendships all over again.
The Bible contains many truths. As it is written, if you want friends, be a friend.
We moved where we live 16 years ago-in our 50s. It is not as easy to make friends as when one was 24. But I decided to reach out and see what stuck. Failures and success. Takes some work, but we have a nice circle of friends and meet people we know around town .
I have friends I made in my hometown, in California when I lived and worked there - and I suppose the friends I have here in Utah - that I will be bonded to forever. We will always keep in touch. With some I pick up the phone sometimes after years between calls and we're on the same page.
But some of my best friends are my siblings. We have a shared experience and we genuinely like each other and the families that have come from sibling marriages....
When my parents died we gathered both times for a famiy reunion - taking great pains to make sure everyone could make it - because our parents' deaths happened at times when many could not get back for a funeral - we set a date within months and flew in for a long weekend of remebrances and memories.
It started a trend that is reforming - tho we're not waiting for someone to die. Now we're looking at a family reunion in California - where part of the family is growing - 2 new babies in the last 3 years plus the home of my sister who's other daughter has two girls some family members have never met.. We genuinely love being together - and can afford to get everyone together.
So moving away does not preclude closeness. Many of us remain very connected despite the miles between us.
Any friends I made during my many moves, were people who also had their own lives and families and jobs, etc. I had a good friend and we would meet every Thursday for dinner at a local restaurant to keep up with each other. But, that's rare.
I had to move far away to get affordable housing. What's worked for me, while having to move for housing, etc., is volunteering. Not all volunteer opportunities will be a great fit. I tried at least half a dozen before I found the one I currently have, which I love and is the highlight of my week, which is coaching at a ESL conversation club at a local library.
I have lived in 3 low income housing senior buildings so far, and I've learned that I'd rather socialize outside of my building. I don't like people knocking on my door, without calling me first. I don't like getting involved in the drama in the building. I am friendly and chatty when I run into people in the hall, but I don't participate in any gossip or group activities. I've just learned that I don't want to deal with drama with my neighbors who think they can bother me when I'm coming and going - whereas my other friends (outside the building) wouldn't dream of showing up unannounced.
At one time I thought about moving to a new location and starting out fresh. However my husband was forced into early retirement a few years ago due to his health. He has a rare neurological brain illness and it's not easy to make new friends when one has certain disabilities. I just don't think it's in the cards.
So here we stay but we're both happy here. We have a good number of friends nearby to socialize with and we've been here for over 25 years. We're still in the house where we raised our kids and they are both only an hour away.
My friends and activities are very important to me. My concern is that someday the house might be too much for us and we will have to downsize. I'm also not fond of the winters here in Pa. I'm hoping that my mother leaves us her Fl condo to get away over those rough winter months...which would be nice but who knows what the future has in store....
It's easy to meet people to share activity/interests. What's hard (and is so much easier when younger/at work/in school) is to meet people or a person with whom you can click emotionally, or share growth or or or. For me, it's not about hiking or liking dogs or whatever, although that can be a start.
My long-term friends were all pretty much connected when we worked together and had conversations at work and then outside work. Not too likely to get that time again.
Many, if not most people, do not socialize with people they work with. You already spend a third of the day with them. Same with parents of the friends of your children. Those are the people that have problems making friends because they haven't really done so throughout their lives. They spent their time with people that others pick out for them like coworkers or put together because of circumstance like the parents of your children's friends.
A shared interest isn't enough to base a friendship on but it gives you a group of people that you have at least one thing in common. Say you join a tennis club with 457 members. A group that you see regularly and over time develop friendships if it is with one person or 11. Then there are the people you meet through the members of the club. You go to dinner at their place, meet their brother in law or neighbor, and you find a person that may become your friend. It all starts with a shared activity and the people you meet during that activity.
Many, if not most people, do not socialize with people they work with. You already spend a third of the day with them. Same with parents of the friends of your children. Those are the people that have problems making friends because they haven't really done so throughout their lives. They spent their time with people that others pick out for them like coworkers or put together because of circumstance like the parents of your children's friends.
A shared interest isn't enough to base a friendship on but it gives you a group of people that you have at least one thing in common. Say you join a tennis club with 457 members. A group that you see regularly and over time develop friendships if it is with one person or 11. Then there are the people you meet through the members of the club. You go to dinner at their place, meet their brother in law or neighbor, and you find a person that may become your friend. It all starts with a shared activity and the people you meet during that activity.
I feel the same.
If the intention behind joining a group is to make friends, that is a path for disappointment. I join a group and enjoy being with others that share my interests and passions. Eventually I may find someone that not only shares that interest, but find we share many other things in common. It’s great when that happens, but I don’t go to these groups with that in mind, it’s secondary.
I have never expected my co-workers or neighbors to turn into close friends. I’ve found a friendly distance usually worked best with most. We had a nearby neighbor recently move a few blocks away. While she is is a gregarious, engaging, and very delightful person, she also wore us out with constant interactions. We were sad, but happy to see her move. While we can still see her, it will be better without the daily contact.
Last edited by jean_ji; 07-28-2018 at 06:49 AM..
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