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After writing the above post, I have a question for those of you who have had a LOT of stress/tragedy in your life --
Do you think that your early experiences have made you more compassionate to others or less?
I sometimes feel like I am somewhat of a 'bad' person because I have very little patience or sympathy for the minor problems of others. For example, it is difficult for me to sympathize with someone whose car is being repaired and they have to walk a half-mile to the bus stop for a few days. I always think, "Well, at least you canwalk!"
More. Too much more in many cases. I don't begrudge people's little problems. It does suck to walk to the bus while a car is being repaired. I only 'lack compassion' for people who act like REALLY tiny problems have wrecked their day/week. I am like (in my head) get a grip. Even before my life was hard I was that way. It's not to me lack of compassion even. It's just not seeing a need for compassion to begin with.
I remember a boss freaking out and slamming his door, ordering no one to bother him for anything. We thought someone died. Turns our that his uber special chrome wheels for his new Mercedes were delayed by two days.
A man I went to school with, all the way from kindergarten to twelfth grade, was in a serious MVA when we were in high school. He was the passenger, was wearing a seat belt, and still had a couple of fingers severed. The drivers, who was not wearing a seat belt, was ejected and killed.
Several years later, he was in a bad motorcycle accident, and sustained several serious issues, but none were life-threatening.
Several weeks ago, he was in yet another serious MVA, and is now paralyzed from the chest down. He now has a wife and a young daughter.
He's been through accident hell. I've only broken a wrist twice and no other serious injuries.
I also found out this morning that a popular local bodybuilder and small business owner I looked up to growing up was just diagnosed with ALS early this month. He's pushing 60, looks phenomenal, and to just come down with something like this has to be like being struck by lightning.
You credit the success of her life to having a man take care of her? Why haven't YOU taken care of yourself?
Life is what YOU make it to be. I'm single and I'm doing fine financially because I work at it. I take care of my health. I travel all over the world because I can.
If you are unhappy, change what you can change.
She does take care of herself. She's been doing it all her life. She is just wondering where it went off the regular path that others take. Will it ever get better?
Who goes to the casino twice a week? That's a potential sign of trouble in Paradise.
Other peoples' lives are rarely as great as they appear from a distance.
I have to agree with the casino trip thing. I've only been twice to a small one here in Texas. I felt trapped in there.
It was dark and didn't feel like I knew what time of day it was. First time was okay. Second time went just to get away for the day and after that knew it was not for me.
This is an interesting thread. Lives have been lived!
I don't know if I can compare what has happened to me to what has happened to my friends. I was thinking about this the other day, because a friend of mine is having financial difficulty and ups and downs in a long-term, off-again/on-again relationship. I was reflecting on the time 20 years ago when I was leaving to go to court to keep from getting evicted because my then-husband had gambled away the rent, and she called me all excited because she and her husband and their friends had just booked a cruise to the Caribbean. Now I am financially OK and in a good relationship and she is having difficulty. Things change.
I struggled financially most of my adult life, mainly because of the choice I made to marry the wrong person, but on the other hand, I always had a job and retired with a pension. I have a physically attractive, very intelligent daughter who is working on her doctorate, but three years ago she was spiraling downward as her bipolar disorder began to manifest, and I almost lost her to suicide.
Seventeen years ago tomorrow, I was carrying the breakfast I'd just purchased back to my desk when a jet slammed into my building. I lost 84 coworkers, some of whom I'd known for 20 years, and the aftermath of the experience is far too much to cover in a CD post. I was there for the bombing in 1993 as well. I had a house fire in between wherein I lost everything and had no insurance.
My husband was abusive and an alcoholic/addict. I lost a brother and a best friend to alcoholism/addiction.
But I learned and grew from all those experiences. My late father had lost both his legs below the knee in WWII and learned to walk again on artificial legs, met and married my mother, and had us kids. I learned from him to keep on moving forward and not feel sorry for myself.
My mother will be 90 in November and has been driving herself to dialysis since her kidneys failed three years ago at the same time she had a quad bypass. She lived a life with a disabled husband, raised seven kids and buried one of them. She too showed me how to keep going.
I just turned 60. So far, health is good with only one major bump in the road that's under control. I'm in a healthy relationship, and except for my mortgage, I'm out of debt for the first time since I met my ex in 1983.
I'm kind of hoping that I've had my share...but somehow I don't think it works that way.
This is one of those the grass is always greener things. Stress is what you decide stresses you. Some people have major life setbacks and don't let it bother them. Others look like they are going into full cardiac arrest when the person in front of them stops at a light they felt sure both cars could have gone through. Which is more stressed? Speaking of driving, I saw a survey that said 80% of drivers think they drive better than 80% of the people on the road. It's all about perception. I have a lot of stress because I don't deal with stuff as well as I should.
When I reflect on my 69 years the scale is more tipped on the lucky than unlucky.
Bad things:
My Dad’s whole family killed in Holocaust, which cast a dark cloud over my childhood
Bad choice of first husband and stupidly tried to stick it out for 11 years
Stepdaughter (who I raised) killed in a car accident
2nd Husband died of cancer
Very difficult son from who I was heartbreakingly estranged for some time
Sister (my best friend) suddenly died of sepsis at age 56
Mother with Alzheimers was my burden for 10 years, very difficult
Glass ceiling in my career due to being a woman in the workplace 20 years too early
Great things:
I have been physically healthy, and normal weight all my life.
I made sufficient income to keep a roof over my head, but I was frugal
My parents paid for my college education and loaned me down payment money for a house (yes, paid it back)
Husband(s) #2 and #3 were good choices — a great partner makes all the difference!
My son has turned into a good father, husband and loving son. It took forever but hey it happened!
I have picked up lots of skills and life hacks in my 69 years.
I believe that 75% of our situations are the result of our own decisions, and 25% are luck. I work hard at the things that are important to me and am deeply grateful for the luck I have had.
And I recognize a challenge I have (and usually overcome) is to avoid comparing my life to others.
Compared to most people I know, yes. Compared to most people who've ever lived, I live a very charmed life. It depends on what your point of comparison is.
I think some of the stress, I've brought on myself. There is something in me that likes to go my own way, to do things differently, to be honest even when it's not what the other person wants to hear, to take on difficult problems, etc. That kind of temperament has caused me some stress.
I don't regret it, because I've learned a lot and grown stronger, and I know myself better. I prefer it to a "play it safe" lifestyle where you go along with the crowd. "Life on easy mode," so to speak.
In other cases, the things I've done have just been downright stupid and self-destructive, and they have certainly added a lot to my stress. Overindulgence in alcohol and drugs, for instance. I've got no one to blame but myself for that.
In some ways, I'm more fortunate than others. I'm smart, and I've learned a hell of a lot about some really important things (although it's taken a while). I'm in good financial shape. I've got a lot of freedom. I live in a safe place where people are friendly.
Maybe the old saying, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" IS true!
I am filled with admiration for those who have posted on this thread. Reading other threads would lead me to believe that C-D is almost entirely filled with whiners and complainers and people just filled with self-pity and excuses, but this is certainly not true on THIS thread, I think!
Again, all of you have my sympathy and also my kudos for being survivors!!!
Every time I watch the evening news and they show the wars in the middle east, I wonder how in the world do the people live through the bombings, destruction of their homes, constant gun battles, noise, lack of food, losing loved ones, no hot coffee in the morning, no water to drink, worrying about your spouse and children. How about headaches, stomach aches, gastro problems, etc. The list is endless. The terrible smells, children seeing the carnage.
I'm so glad my life is good.
Now THAT is what I call stress.
Let's face it, we are pretty spoiled.
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