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I imagine some of us (or many?) have some secrets. Things you learned about your family but never told anyone. Something you did perhaps. My sister told me once that from her work she figured that there is no such thing as the Cleaver family (as in, Leave it to Beaver), that all families have secrets.
So I have a couple of secrets and no, I am not going to reveal them here. But I am wondering what to do with them. Take them to the grave with me? If so, it will be like those things never happened. Pass them on to a young family member and let her decide whether to reveal it or not? It could make for interesting family lore, or a lot of tittering around the Thanksgiving table. Or is it better to keep that stuff suppressed and take it to the grave?
I am curious if anyone else has thought about this.
I imagine some of us (or many?) have some secrets. Things you learned about your family but never told anyone. Something you did perhaps. My sister told me once that from her work she figured that there is no such thing as the Cleaver family (as in, Leave it to Beaver), that all families have secrets.
So I have a couple of secrets and no, I am not going to reveal them here. But I am wondering what to do with them. Take them to the grave with me? If so, it will be like those things never happened. Pass them on to a young family member and let her decide whether to reveal it or not? It could make for interesting family lore, or a lot of tittering around the Thanksgiving table. Or is it better to keep that stuff suppressed and take it to the grave?
I am curious if anyone else has thought about this.
I know a few things about a couple of other people but I see no reason to ever tell what I know, it would serve no purpose, it wouldn't help anyone to know and I'm not a fan of gossip. I'll take them with me when I go.
I know a few things about a couple of other people but I see no reason to ever tell what I know, it would serve no purpose, it wouldn't help anyone to know and I'm not a fan of gossip. I'll take them with me when I go.
Even if the people are dead? I don't like gossip either, hence keeping a secret. But secrets are partly to protect the living. Does the family have any sort of right to know the truth about other members of the family? And what if the secrets are about you, not others?
It depends...ask yourself ...is it your secret to tell? I mean is there anyone else who would be impacted by your telling? Will it improve others lives or reputations, or drag them down? What is the point of telling? Does anyone actually have a NEED to know?
If the secret is about someone else, living or dead, you really have no right to spread it. That's called gossip, and is NOT NICE. If there's a valuable purpose, such as someone doesn't know their "real" parentage and you're aware that the "real" parent had a hereditary disease and the offspring should be checked for it, then that is something to tell that person privately, and not spread around the family.
I recently discovered the truth of my family secret, and discovering the truth required the assistance of one brother and his wife. Now that we know, we won't be telling the rest of the family. It has no impact on their lives, and will only tear down the memory of a deceased family member, and create a sh*t-storm of prurient gossip. So the secret will be our secret to the grave as far as the rest of the family is concerned. I can tell total strangers, such as here, since they will never meet my family, and they never met any of the involved parties. If you feel you have to tell someone...write it on a dollar bill and put that into a vending machine, or scream it in the wilderness where no one can hear it.
I'm not a religious person, but for the many who are, the Bible is very clear in numerous places about gossip, such as....Ephesians 4:29...."Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." And James 1:26...."Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless." Good advice for Christians, and pretty much everyone else.
Last edited by TheShadow; 03-05-2019 at 01:20 PM..
Even if the people are dead? I don't like gossip either, hence keeping a secret. But secrets are partly to protect the living. Does the family have any sort of right to know the truth about other members of the family? And what if the secrets are about you, not others?
I gave my opinion. I see no reason for telling what I know. Would it help anyone? No. So what would be the point be besides people sitting around gossiping about it. Does the family have a right to know? No they don't. It would serve no purpose. And If someone somewhere has a secret about me they wish to share....have at it and good luck with that because I'd know if I personally was keeping a secret about myself. The thing is when I hear stories from others I take them with a grain of salt because in the end we don't know if they are true or not. As years go by stories get passed down or around and they tend to grow. The ones I know, I know 1st hand and as I said there is no reason anyone else should know. They don't concern anyone else. IF it would help someone to know a 'secret' I knew I could see sharing it but the truth is, that is seldom the case. (Example: If a person needed a transplant but he or she was secretly adopted or was a love child with someone else.) I had an aunt I dearly loved but she loved to gossip, that was the one thing I disliked about her. I am not a fan of tarnishing other people's memories, it accomplishes nothing.
Unless it is about a crime, or has information that is critical to the lives of others, or will save the universe.... I would take it with me and let the worms digest it.
I think people like to tell secrets because they think it makes them important, or special, because they know something others don't. Well once you tell, now everyone knows, so you're not special anymore. And you probably just stirred up trouble and made some people mad. Gossips remind me of drama queens and pot-stirrers.
My family has no secrets. They are the type that blurted everything out. I married into a family like that. We’re not perfect, but we’re not terrible bad people either.
I think people like to tell secrets because they think it makes them important, or special, because they know something others don't. Well once you tell, now everyone knows, so you're not special anymore. And you probably just stirred up trouble and made some people mad. Gossips remind me of drama queens and pot-stirrers.
I am not talking about living people, I am talking about stuff in the family. Future generations are often curious about their forebears. Should the dirt of the forebears be in the open or should it disappear? I tend to think the grandkids have a right to know what their grandparents or great grandparents were really up to, after they have passed on.
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To the grave?
