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Not under the circumstances you’ve presented. I’d say a big no. If they were established already and they wanted you there to share in the joy of the place as family that would be different. What I’m reading is they want you there to make THEIR lives easier.
Do you and your wife want to do this? It sounds like you do for the most part. I think you are wise to ask about the pitfalls and to consider if any would apply to your family.
I would not even need to ask for opinions on this type of arrangement - I know in my heart it would not work for me. But if you decide to go ahead with it, I wish you all the best!
I don't have kids, so don't know what to say about this situation
My maternal grandma lived between her two kids households. We loved her. But that was back in the 1950s
I hang out with older women that do take care of their grandkids at times. And yeah they whine and complain. But maybe just letting off steam? Who knows.
I just remember one niece said that no way would she want or expect her mother (my sibling) to take care of her kids. She left home, made her own life. She worked with a great company that had onsite daycare. Easy peasy.
You don't want to leave your home and life in Florida. That should be your primary consideration.
You want to split your estate evenly among your three kids. Guaranteed, this arrangement will cause problems. I've seen it in my aunt's family -- she's gone two years and the siblings are still fighting over money. One of the siblings has a lot of health problems. If he dies, his wife inherits and it creates even more problems.
They're not even married yet, they just bought a house six months ago and already want to sell it and move? And they want to buy a new house that they can't afford, with you and your wife on the hook if anything goes wrong. They sound impulsive. Don't uproot your life for this.
No - absolutely do not do this. It is not in your best interests. It may be a little awkward at first to tell them no but if they don't accept it graciously that's their problem. You two have a life and you won't if you decide to do this.
My Daughter and son-in-law to be are asking us to move from Florida to Georgia with them so that they can get better paying teaching jobs in Atlanta area. They want to live 40min outside of Atlanta. They want to find a house with either a Mother/Daughter setup or one large enough for both families. They would like us to be the primary on the mortgage, but they will pay the mortgage payments, but will need our large down payment. I see a lot of issues with this, but I also see a lot of upside. Although we would help take care of the future grandkids, the downside is we would probably become their primary care givers with both parents working; I'm NOT a fan of that.
Would you do it? Have any of you done it and has it worked out?
NO, NO, NO!!! There are so many issues with this I don't know where to start. This is not a winning plan. Basically, it sounds like they can't afford their life so they want to drag you along to pay for it.
Would you do it? Have any of you done it and has it worked out?
OP, I'll give you a brief description of my situation, which is working out extremely well for everyone involved.
I have three kids, only one of whom lives here in central Florida (married and the mother of my only grandchild, who is about to turn 6 years old).
I live in a condominium three blocks away from my daughter, son-in-law, and granddaughter. They bought their own home with no financial involvement from me. Daughter and SIL both work full time in demanding jobs; I've been retired for about 11 years.
When daughter went back to work from maternity leave, I started taking care of granddaughter two days a week; she went to daycare the other three work days. It was my daughter's request, but I was thrilled to be asked, and I loved taking care of the baby/toddler/young child. Now my granddaughter is in kindergarten, and the school is three blocks in the other direction from my condo. SIL drops the granddaughter off at my place on his way to work, and I give her a second breakfast and walk her to school every day. The daily walks are great exercise for me, and we have a wonderful time together, sometimes singing, sometimes telling jokes, sometimes talking about kindergarten matters.
I have never considered it "babysitting"; rather my relationship with my granddaughter is closer than that. We are closely bonded, and quite frankly this relationship is the most important thing in my life. I do it for free, but my daughter and son-in-law have always been extremely appreciative, including buying me groceries and taking me out for frequent restaurant meals (pre-Covid, of course, although now we do takeout instead of dining inside restaurants).
My schedule is very flexible. Sometimes I travel, and daughter and SIL arrange other care for my granddaughter when I'm out of town.
I think our whole situation is successful because there's no financial involvement of any kind, we're all flexible and reasonable (IMHO) people, we don't live together in the same house (they would drive me crazy and I'm sure I would do the same to them), and it's a win-win for all involved.
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