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What's the big hurry? Why can't they move - seems kind of impulsive if they've only bought a house six months ago - then in a few years you can join them if you like the area.
It's not realistic of them to expect you to be full time babysitters, either. Hopefully, you and your spouse aren't soon going to be needing caretakers in the near future, and if they have to work - how exactly would that work out?
And it would have an impact on your other children if you are trying to leave equal inheritances. Maybe a better solution would be for you to wait and see if they like the area, then if you find you like it as well, move nearby. Why would it be necessary to live in the same house?
I am not saying they are TRYING to get a better house for themselves out of the deal, or cut your other children out financially, but it could happen without that being the intent. The very fact that you have doubts about the wisdom of it should be reason enough to pass on it.
My Daughter and son-in-law to be are asking us to move from Florida to Georgia with them so that they can get better paying teaching jobs in Atlanta area. They want to live 40min outside of Atlanta. They want to find a house with either a Mother/Daughter setup or one large enough for both families. They would like us to be the primary on the mortgage, but they will pay the mortgage payments, but will need our large down payment. I see a lot of issues with this, but I also see a lot of upside. Although we would help take care of the future grandkids, the downside is we would probably become their primary care givers with both parents working; I'm NOT a fan of that.
Would you do it? Have any of you done it and has it worked out?
No way. I'm sure they would love for you to move with them in order for them to be able to get a house. Big red flags there. What happens if they can't make mortgage payments? I also wouldn't want to be the primary caregivers for the grandchildren either. I'd suggest they move and do what they're going to do, and in the future if you want to move to be near them, then do that.
They want a bigger house and free child care. You've carefully chosen your retirement location and are enjoying a good lifestyle, good friends, weather you like, and the style of home that accommodates your disabilities. Big moves are also big hassles. You'll have to change doctors, dentists, etc, also. You will have to downsize all your possessions too if they expect you to live in the MIL quarters. Is that the plan, or will you occupy the big house while they live in the basement apartment until they have kids? A friend of ours lives with his son and DIL (no grandkids) in retirement. He lives in the basement apartment with a kitchen, and he's not even allowed upstairs! They keep their cars in the garage and he has to leave his in the driveway. He's paying rent to them, and he gets treated like the "help".
Spending most of your day obligated to babysitting presently non-existent grandchildren is the only "upside" of this. Oh I forgot, selling your only transportation and becoming dependent on your kids to drive you everywhere too! Neither of those would be on my wish list, but that's just me.
I can't argue with ANY of your points! Especially when you put it that way. Thank you!
They want a bigger house and free child care. You've carefully chosen your retirement location and are enjoying a good lifestyle, good friends, weather you like, and the style of home that accommodates your disabilities. Big moves are also big hassles. You'll have to change doctors, dentists, etc, also. You will have to downsize all your possessions too if they expect you to live in the MIL quarters. Is that the plan, or will you occupy the big house while they live in the basement apartment until they have kids? A friend of ours lives with his son and DIL (no grandkids) in retirement. He lives in the basement apartment with a kitchen, and he's not even allowed upstairs! They keep their cars in the garage and he has to leave his in the driveway. He's paying rent to them, and he gets treated like the "help".
Spending most of your day obligated to babysitting presently non-existent grandchildren is the only "upside" of this. Oh I forgot, selling your only transportation and becoming dependent on your kids to drive you everywhere too! Neither of those would be on my wish list, but that's just me.
I have a friend who has the same situation. She lives in the basement of the home that her son now owns, although she bought it originally. She has to ask permission to come upstairs and most of the time they don't bother to have to her join them for meals. Even Thanksgiving. Very sad.
I have a friend who has the same situation. She lives in the basement of the home that her son now owns, although she bought it originally. She has to ask permission to come upstairs and most of the time they don't bother to have to her join them for meals. Even Thanksgiving. Very sad.
Ask permission to come upstairs? Even at Thanksgiving? I'd be packing my bags and waving goodbye to them! They learned this awful behavior from somewhere. Sad.
Ask permission to come upstairs? Even at Thanksgiving? I'd be packing my bags and waving goodbye to them! They learned this awful behavior from somewhere. Sad.
Our adult childrens' actions/behavior are not always a reflection of their upbringing.
Our adult childrens' actions/behavior are not always a reflection of their upbringing.
One never knows. We don't know how their parents treated their parents and family. I do know MANY self centered people of all ages. I know some of their parents and they each have/had at least 1 parent who was very self absorbed and the world was supposed to rotate around them. My father-in-law comes to mind. He had ridiculous demands from everyone who he came across.
I have a friend who has the same situation. She lives in the basement of the home that her son now owns, although she bought it originally. She has to ask permission to come upstairs and most of the time they don't bother to have to her join them for meals. Even Thanksgiving. Very sad.
This is horrible.
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