Cliquish, insiular and cold people in Small Town America (acres, houses, land)
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I've found that if you have animals, and are friendly, you can get to know some local folks, and thus get an entrance into the society of the community, by going to the local feed store frequently. (Also a great place to find out everything that's going on in a rural community.)
Location: land of quail, bunnies, and red tail hawks
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There's a huge difference between visiting a small town and actually living in one. Most people will are naturally friendly and will put on their best faces for "company." However, the true nature will emerge if you stick around long enough.
In my experience, small town life is often like the OP stated. That opinion was formed by observing the small communities of many of my relatives, then was reinforced when I moved to one myself. I've talked to lots of people about their small town experiences because I really like the idea of small town life. People in my community thought they knew everything about my family before we even arrived. I was looked at with suspicion every time I told them I only had one child and no dog. (They had heard we had two children and a dog.)
Often, it's very easy to get accepted into a small town if you're willing to be like everyone else. However, if you're different in any way, others will circle their wagons and exclude the newcomer. In my town, the people most easily accepted are those that frequent the bars. Anyone who attends church is looked on with suspicion and hatred since some churchgoers many years ago, unaffiliated with any of the current churches, tried to stop the Halloween celebration at the local school. If a new child stands out in any way (especially if he appears to shine brighter than the others), it's the parents who influence their children to snub the new one.
Some people will never realize how cliquish a small town is because they "do all the right things." So, they're readily accepted into the new community. However, talk to the people who aren't like everyone else. They may tell a different story. Sometimes, it doesn't matter how friendly or accepting the newcomer is to everyone else; if he is perceived to be at all different or threatens the old-timers' perception of reality in any way, he's ostracized and marginalized.
Although some newcomers move to a community thinking they are going to save the world and educate the masses, most aren't like that. (However, it's a handy excuse to snub the new person.) Let's not be too hasty and assume the new people are the ones with chips on their shoulders. Oftentimes, the established locals just don't like the new light that is being shone on their community. They prefer to keep their flaws hidden and if they can pretend the new person doesn't exist, they can also convince themselves their own flaws are non-existent, too.
There's a huge difference between visiting a small town and actually living in one. Most people will are naturally friendly and will put on their best faces for "company." However, the true nature will emerge if you stick around long enough.
Oftentimes, the established locals just don't like the new light that is being shone on their community. They prefer to keep their flaws hidden and if they can pretend the new person doesn't exist, they can also convince themselves their own flaws are non-existent, too.
Man, is your whole post right on, and thank you for saying what others often won't say about small town life.
Greenfield, Massachusetts. I wish I had never heard of the place. A town with 18,000 of the nastiest, gossiping, bigoted, hillbilly, xenophobics I ever saw.
Schools are labeled "under-performing" and "dropout factories" and the adults show their lack of education at every possible opportunity. High crime rate, including drug crimes and sordid murders, a corrupt mayor, one bizarre racial incident after another...I could go on and on but, by coincidence, I'm meeting with a realtor tomorrow. It's easiest just to sell.
After 3 1/2 years we're ready to try living in a big city where we'll be totally anonymous.
We grew up in small towns and know how to get along. Greenfield is straight out of the mold of the worst stereotypes of the 1950's, or backwoods Appalachia - but in Massachusetts. You'd have to experience it to believe how stupid this town is.
I think you speak volumes too. One of my biggest complaints about my "new home" is that I don't feel like I belong here. I am VERY different than most folks here, which makes me feel very uncomfortable. Everyone is generally very nice and friendly, but I have found very few deep friendships, and I think it's mainly because no one knows quite what to think of me. I'm way out of their comfort zone too. It's hard too when you know ALL of the different cliques in town, and don't want to have to chose one or the other. There's way too much "this group vs that group" for my style. I sometimes fell like I'm back in high school living here.
Relatives of mine where so happy to be able to retire when they both reached 65. They were also happy to be able to move out of the big City and into the small town in Southern MN they grew up in years ago. Trouble was, the friendly small town they remembered from their youth had changed. Instead of friendly they found a closed society of small minded poorly educated people who did not like outsiders. I suspect this is the case in many small towns all over America.
PLEASE DON'T make that generalization about all smal ltowns based upon the expierience of 2 people.
Theres always 2 sides to the coin and we're only getting one.
A new couple moved into our small town 2 years ago, and bought a house on the edge of the city limits. They both comute 20 miles to a larger city to work, have their one school aged child enrolled in an out of town school, belong to no church, belong to no organizations in our town whatsoever. The 2 gas stations in our town have never gotten one penny of their business.
If I ever see them outside (seldom)----------I wave ( actually I used to but quit because they never waved back)
A year ago they put their house for sale and moved. They told the realtor this was one of the most unfriendly towns they ever lived in and that is why they left.
However, when they bought the place a year earlier ( ame realtor) they wanted that house on the edge of town so they could have privacy and "nosy" people would leave them alone.
i have never been a member of the club. so it does not matter where i go.
i do find a few good friends, almost always exceptional people.
i am blessed.
The people in the next town will be a lot like the people in the town you just left. Everywhere you go, there you are.....
Not necessarily. Each town has a personality of its own. Or, do you think life is the same in every small town as it is in New York City?
Even New York City is different than nearby Philadelphia or Washington, D.C. Every place has a personality that's a little different because of its unique history, the ethnic make-up of it's people, the industries and institutions that are there, etc.
That "everywhere you go, there you are" or 'wherever you go, you see yourself' is a very new age-y cliche. I think there was a self-help book with that title. There's truth to it in a psycho-babble sort of way, but if every town was the same, people wouldn't spend so much time comparing. They'd just stay put.
i have never been a member of the club. so it does not matter where i go.
i do find a few good friends, almost always exceptional people.
I sort of feel the same way. I don't care if I'm not accepted or liked by everybody. I don't exactly feel much of a desire to be part of any community as a whole anyway, necessarily. I'll concentrate on the individual. My experience has been that they are easier to find in a small(er) town.
Last edited by Maxchus; 04-05-2008 at 02:15 PM..
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