Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I was not sure where to put this, and decided this board was as good as any.
I am very curious about what it's like to be homeless, as my ex will soon be just that. He is able-bodied, 48, depressed, and been living off me for a year. What is he going to do/face when I move and he doesn't come with?!
I'd say, don't worry about him. Any decent-sized city has a homeless shelter. It will also have quite a few homeless people who will show him the ropes. Nowadays, with the economy as it is, lots of people are falling into this situation. Soup kitchens, church clothing drives, clinics, etc are all there of service. No one needs to be destitute unless they want to. Time goes on, everybody's circumstances change. Once he learns the ropes where he is, he'll get along just fine. He's in good company.
It's you that I worry more about, being upset about him. Don't let him drag you down. Enjoy your new home and new life. You're not sentencing anybody to a horrible life, so undo your guilt trip.
I don't have a horse in this race. I'm not going to psychoanalyze your relationship. With that said, here have been my homeless experiences:
I was roughly 36 when it began. Prior to that, I'd worked my entire life and enjoyed a lifestyle well above the social norm. I had the blue collar job that paid 8x minimum wage, attractive well built wife, and son, so by the time I went homeless because ‘Merikans can’t read labels that state “Made in the USA,” the plant closed, and my downward spiral began, and society had beaten me up so badly, that I just didn’t care. It was just another day in Nueva ‘Merika.
Wintertime sometimes involved playing the crazy card, so I could get locked up in the state run mental institution. There was a segment of homeless people who were genuinely tired of society. They wanted no handouts, shelter, or any of that. They were truly sick of wealthy elite and how the masses lap up the bread and circuses, but most people I bumped into were in my boat. Through no faults of their own, the jobs left the country while we got to watch everybody gloat about how their house tripled in price, their new foreign car was all the rage, and the Chinese clothing they were wearing was so fantastic, hum, “Why don’t you have a job? Hum, what’s that? Oh you’re just jealous because you don’t have the house, car, and all I do…” That stung me more than the loses I suffered, so I largely didn’t care when I went homeless. Long before I went homeless, I knew I was going there. In fact, the night I walked into my house to tell the wife I was laid off from the job, we sat on the sofa arm in arm with our son across our laps, and just looked around the place knowing that it would be first to go, then the wife/kid, and soon after that, I’d be on my own.
Since going out and getting a job that pays a living wage is no longer an option, there’s the state and private run mental institutions. Just show up at the local emergency room, which has a crisis intervention office, tell them you’re going to hurt yourself or others, have a detailed plan, and keep repeating your story. By the time you get that low in society, it won’t be hard to look depressed or down and out.
Hispanic bars used to be a great place to meet groups of illegal Hispanics to find work and shelter with. Despite being a white German/American 6'3", I speak, read, and write pretty fair Spanish. I was also raised Catholic, so I have a lot of ins with Hispanics. I often shacked up with a bunch of Mexicans. Quite often they'd also provide me with a job. We'd all go out and pick fruit, prune trees, or do demolition at a construction site. It usually paid 5 - 8 an hour cash money. Sometimes the gig lasted a few months and we worked 12 hour days six days a week.
If you don’t mind having the word of God shoved down your throat, most cities of 25k or larger have at least one mission where you can join, get high on Jesus, and go about spreading the good word. Usually the food’s pretty darn good.
The state hospitals are exponentially harder to get into. They’ve greatly downsized them. They were the best havens because of all the federal, state, and locally mandated laws. The women staff were quite a naughty lot. I had intimate relations with more than one state worker while I was a patient there. Sadly, the treatment team would meet with me on a Friday, once a month or biweekly, they'd ask me when I was going to leave and get "a job." I'd just give them a blank stare because they were behind the table I had sex on the night before with one of the staff, I was working 20 hours part-time, and making 350 a week cash in my pocket, and no bills whatsoever. I had it better there than anytime after my factory closed, so why would I want to leave? Of course I couldn't tell them that!
Eventually, my parents took me back in, but once they die, I’ll be homeless again. They’ve told me more than once that I get nothing from them. Ironically, my “loving” parents will give everything to my son, whom I rarely saw after the divorce, so my ex-wife will benefit from my parents deaths! She’s already tried bleeding older men for their homes, but none of them leave her anything when they die. She’s been dependent upon men her entire life. I guess I started a bad thing. When she was 18, I married and supported her until she was 25. Since that time, two other men, much older than me have done the same. At any rate, she’ll probably get to live in my parents home, and the few hundred thousand they have in the bank is sure to benefit her.
Enough of the sob story, being homeless will consist of looking for cash paying day labor jobs or trying to hustle a few bucks from some old infirmed woman by sweeping her sidewalk, cleaning up her yard, and doing other odd chores she can no longer do. It’s a few bucks here and there.
If finding some spending cash is a bust, the day will consist of hanging out with the other homeless people, visiting the personal care homes where the mental patients are, and sometimes just wandering about the streets. Once you’re homeless, you’ll always have company and you’ll never be alone. I actually miss this part of being homeless. I always had at least one good friend, quite often a few, and there was always somebody less fortunate than myself to help out and take care of.
While I've only experienced this once personally, I've seen this happen to other younger men. I had some ill-favored woman about 15 years my senor clean me up for a boy toy. She'd come around about once a week or so. Since we always hung out in the same location, she knew where to find me. The way I met her was she stopped looking for another man, about my age, but he'd gone back with his family, so she asked me if I could help her. As it turned out, she was just a married woman who wanted to cheat on her husband, and through her church she helped down and out people. Now I've seen some younger Christian girls do similar things with homeless men coming out of jail at the local Jubilee Ministry store, but I've never seen older 45 - 60 year old married gals doing this sort of thing. How prevalent it is I don't know, but some of the other homeless guys really cheered me on as I jumped into her car. They apparently knew what was up, so this must go on to a degree.
In all the cities I’ve been in, there are always churches that have a soup kitchen and pantry. A hand out and hot meal can usually be had there. Most cities of 25k or larger have a meal site everyday of the week.
The library’s always a good place to hang out. If it’s cold or raining, I noticed other homeless people hanging out there. Furthermore, it was something to do. There was always something interesting to read as well as computers and the internet to use.
The bottom line will always be, once you have hit the bottom and gone homeless, it’s not as painful as it sounds because the fall down the social ladder is significantly more painful than landing at the bottom. Once you’ve hit the bottom, you’re already numb from the pain.
Those were my homeless experiences. His may vary. Not everybody makes it to the homeless game. Dean Hoshower, my workmate, was my age and faced a similar dilemma as me. He simply got drunk, sat on the tracks, and let an eastbound Conrail engine take his life. People said he should have thought of his children, but divorce, poverty, and homelessness many former blue color workmen face already strips their children from their lives. Probably half a dozen of the 300 men I worked with took their lives. Not everybody makes it, but most do.
Cheers and thanks for reading,
bolillo
Last edited by bolillo_loco; 10-28-2013 at 11:34 AM..
Reason: No Rhodes scholar here
The bottom line will always be, once you have hit the bottom and gone homeless, it’s not as painful as it sounds because the fall down the social ladder is significantly more painful than landing at the bottom. Once you’ve hit the bottom, you’re already numb from the pain.
Those were my homeless experiences. Yours may vary.
Cheers and thanks for reading,
bolillo
Thanks bolillo, yeah, true about falling down the social ladder. Especially since he's Japanese. He thought he was a failure back when he had a job, he *thought* he wasn't supporting his family, but he was. Now, he's been laid off, squandered the money given to him by parents, lived off his ex-wife for a year, so I'd imagine he is pretty darn numb by now.
My city has a pretty good shelter and food network for the homeless. The main library downtown is a big hangout for them as well. There are also a number of non-profits that feed the homeless on a pretty regular basis. In short, I guess it depends on whether he is in a city with homeless resources or not.
Long before I went homeless, I knew I was going there. In fact, the night I walked into my house to tell the wife I was laid off from the job, we sat on the sofa arm in arm with our son across our laps, and just looked around the place knowing that it would be first to go, then the wife/kid, and soon after that, I’d be on my own.
I'm sort of at that point.....without the family, though, but looking around my apt and wondering how am I going to get rid of all this stuff...
A question I have is what's it like to be homeless AND gay??? I am thinking there must be at least a few gay homless folks out there.
A question I have is what's it like to be homeless AND gay??? I am thinking there must be at least a few gay homless folks out there.
My guess is to head to one of the biggest cities where there is a large and very well organized LGBT community. If the city has a LGBT Community Center that is open 7 days a week you'll at least have a place to hang out, meet friends, and speak to counselors who can assist you in getting services such as finding a job, medical help, free meal programs, etc.
In my city of Philly a lot has been reported about our young and homeless gay kids. Unfortunately most have to turn to prostitution out of necessity. I assume that is not something you want to do - and I strongly advise against it. But we do have several good service organizations are dedicated to get LGBT people out of homelessness or at least sign them up for benefits they are eligible for.
There's a HUGE problem of gay homeless youth in the USA because of the fact their families will disown them and kick them out of the house when they find out their child is gay. There are tons of programs all over the country to help these kids get some stability in their lives and come to terms with their homosexuality and know that it's not their fault - it's the parents fault.
......................ex will soon be just that. He is able-bodied, 48, depressed, and been living off me for a year. What is he going to do/ />
I'm suspecting that he will simply mooch off of someone else for awhile longer. After the ex is used up there are still friends and family to use. OP, you've done your share. Now it is time to pass him on to the next party and let them take care of him for awhile. Move on and you have nothing to feel guilty about.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
