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I guess a lot depends on the person as well because I worked for several years with the Montana Homeless Veterans Standdown, and I was always amazed at the amount of help available.The main issue most of the providers had was that they had all this money and all these resources available, but nobody taking advantage of them.The guys working with Job Service had very few show up at their booth, but the guys handing out surplus BDU clothes were overhwhelmed.In the case of what I was doing, most of the folks that came in were Veterans of one kind or another, so PTSD and other mental health issues were usually the reason they couldn't hold a job, but we usually were able to get them medical help and sometimes a stipend if the injury was service related.The civilians that came, all of them took the free food, any clothes or sleeping bags or free medical services that were available, some wanted housing or food stamps, very few wanted to talk about jobs.I asked some of them about settling down, putting down roots, getting back on their feet and having a job etc.Most said they loved the lifestyle. No taxes, no timeclocks, they felt truely free because they could go anywhere they wanted any time they wanted.Many told me they could make more money begging and getting the money tax free than they made when they had jobs.There are also issues with drug abuse, alcoholism, diseases like hepatitis, but the amount of services I saw available were overwhelming.If someone wants to get back on their feet, the avenues are there, they just have to take advantage of them. Most missions for example will allow the person to use their address to get a job, there are several jobs programs available for disadvantaged, (includes homeless no matter color, creed, sex etc.). No, most don't pay union wages, but they do pay and start a job history for other jobs or moving up in the organization.It is like anything else, it boils down to the individual and if they want to get back into the mainstream or not.
If his depression is preventing him from finding a job, there are therapists who are often willing to see patients on a sliding scale. I'd focus on trying to get him to see someone. If he is diagnosed with a mental illness that could possibly pave the way toward him getting further assistance. Preventing someone from being homeless is often easier than lifting someone from it.
I tried to get him in therapy back when we were together and he had money/coverage. He went for a bit, then quit. It's too late to start trying again. Plus, he has zero money. And I'm moving out November 30 for sure. Without him. After that, guess it's up to him to decide if he wants to reach out for help. He's known this is coming for many months, yet all he does is lay on the couch all day and play on the computer all night.
From reading these posts, it seems arbitrary, then, which community you decide to be homeless in, given the amount of support that's available. And if so, I'd first amass/panhandle enough money to get to the community with the best climate to be homeless in. And to find a climate in this country where there's no chances of your freezing in winter is tough!
Many are quick to point out Southern California, not realizing it can get very chilly over there in winter. I see the multitudes of homeless in Las Vegas, where I live, but our winters, coupled with windchill from the wind blasters that rip through this valley, from time to time, it can get as chilly in January as Minnesota!
How they survive our cold winters is beyond me!
You know what I'm afraid of, is when I tell him, even though he's known it's coming for a long while, but when I tell him this is it, this is the real deal, he might snap and go postal on us.
When my husband was in seminary he worked with the homeless in New Orleans. The homeless road isn't easy, but there are always organizations and services out there that help. Many of the people he dealt with chose to be homeless rather than live a life that required exhibiting a sense of responsibility. One thing that always struck me is how much homeless people have to move around in the scope of a day. The original poster said her "ex" would lay on the couch and play video games. Most of the homeless we encountered moved from place to place all day long every day. Yes, there are shelters, but one must be drug and alcohol free to stay there and most homeless folk are neither. They can't get jobs because they have no address. They do pick up aluminum cans and do day labor if they can get it, but most often their pocket change comes from pan handleing. They also steal and eat out of garbage cans when necessary. It isn't a life I would choose, but some do.
My starry-eyed, dreamy friend Pam, from the mid-70's, with two 4-year college degrees, from a middle class family in Denver, chose the homeless lifestyle, way back then, and has never looked back. She used to call me, over the years, from various shelters, in various cities around the country, but since I moved out of Minneapolis in 1993, haven't heard from her since.
There are some people simply not cut out for the realities of today!
Prisons are yet another alternative to homelessness. And Medicaid, believe it or not! Yes, you can deliberately run out in front of a car, and become disabled as a result of it, and you're on Medicaid the rest of your life!
Working in a LTC care facility, there was an 20-ish, overweight woman who came into our facility, and speculation was she did it deliberately, ran out in front of a car and was left disabled. Now she's got a roof over her head the rest of her life, and 3 meals a day, and will never worry about losing a job!
Back in the middle ages, when life got too rough, the realities of life were overwhelming, you wanted to get off the merry-go-round of life, you simply went off to a monastery for awhile, free place to live with a little work required around the monastery.
... Back in the middle ages, when life got too rough, the realities of life were overwhelming, you wanted to get off the merry-go-round of life, you simply went off to a monastery for awhile, free place to live with a little work required around the monastery.
That was true to a lesser extent here in the US during the 18th, 19th and early 20th Centuries. There were religious sects such as the Shakers that lived a monastic life, although usually you did have to contribute some work to the community.
There was a strange religious community in Ephrata, Pennsylvania (near Lancaster) where people would drift in and out of in times past. Now it's a open air museum and you visit the various buildings.
Any of us who have tasted the good life - dined in nice restaurants, enjoyed first rate entertainment and professional sports events, lived in comfortable and clean homes, traveled to foreign countries and gorgeous resorts, taken ocean cruises, developed hobbies, enjoyed having a career that was rewarding, embarked on romances and committed relationships, thrive on culture, etc. - how can we even consider being broke and homeless an option? I can't.
Don't misunderstand me. I'm trying not to be judgemental. A person can choose any lifestyle they want ... it's not my business. I just can not fathom ever being homeless. That is not an option for me.
I'm suspecting that he will simply mooch off of someone else for awhile longer. After the ex is used up there are still friends and family to use. OP, you've done your share. Now it is time to pass him on to the next party and let them take care of him for awhile. Move on and you have nothing to feel guilty about.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MTSilvertip
I guess a lot depends on the person as well because I worked for several years with the Montana Homeless Veterans Standdown, and I was always amazed at the amount of help available.The main issue most of the providers had was that they had all this money and all these resources available, but nobody taking advantage of them.The guys working with Job Service had very few show up at their booth, but the guys handing out surplus BDU clothes were overhwhelmed.In the case of what I was doing, most of the folks that came in were Veterans of one kind or another, so PTSD and other mental health issues were usually the reason they couldn't hold a job, but we usually were able to get them medical help and sometimes a stipend if the injury was service related.The civilians that came, all of them took the free food, any clothes or sleeping bags or free medical services that were available, some wanted housing or food stamps, very few wanted to talk about jobs.I asked some of them about settling down, putting down roots, getting back on their feet and having a job etc.Most said they loved the lifestyle. No taxes, no timeclocks, they felt truely free because they could go anywhere they wanted any time they wanted.Many told me they could make more money begging and getting the money tax free than they made when they had jobs.There are also issues with drug abuse, alcoholism, diseases like hepatitis, but the amount of services I saw available were overwhelming.If someone wants to get back on their feet, the avenues are there, they just have to take advantage of them. Most missions for example will allow the person to use their address to get a job, there are several jobs programs available for disadvantaged, (includes homeless no matter color, creed, sex etc.). No, most don't pay union wages, but they do pay and start a job history for other jobs or moving up in the organization.It is like anything else, it boils down to the individual and if they want to get back into the mainstream or not.
Because most of society doesn't understand, but is vocal about their opinions on the issue, many homelss just do not want to return to society.
Every program out there failed me. I did not fail the program, it failed me. I made it through the Marine Corps, I worked at a saw mill for 1 year where I saw dozens of fingers, half of hands, and one man was crushed right in front of me while I worked right next to them. I worked 10 years in a dusty, dirty, and dangerous factory, I had a wife hotter than most of you could ever dream of, and my income was probably significantly higher than any of you out there who worked during the 80s and 90s, so I have to ask, why must I be the problem or the failure? Moreover, my story isn't a unique one, so using my example, why can't there be a lot of people out there like me? There will always be homeless people I'll grant you that, but it should be obvious that society is failing these people it's not these people who're failing society.
Why did it fail? It failed to provide me with a job paying a living wage. I would rather be homeless than to again have to live in the ghetto where my door's kicked in each night/morning when I return home from work. The ghetto is the only place I an afford to live on minimum wage, and I'm not living, I'm existing, wearing second hand ill-fitting clothing, cheap Chinese shoes, and other foreign junk. No thanks!
I've joined "religious" programs where I was supposed to be sent to Florida for 9 months to learn a skill. Then the Catholic Church was supposed to send me to another Catholic country where I was to live for a minimum of a year while I did volunteer work. The problem with most churchy outreach programs, I was only permitted to go if I left the house master perform his homosexual desires upon my heterosexual body.
Work has left America. From age 32 - 43, I was tied to a woman who didn't work, but I had a child with, so half of my minimum wage check went to taxes and child support. I will not work for minimum wage because it is pointless. There is no moving up. I worked several years for minimum wage and got no place. I've worked temporary jobs where I'm supposed to be hired full time and when they did offer me a job with the company after a year, my pay was less than what the temp agency was giving. Subtract the child support, which if I got behind on I went to jail, and what was the point in working?
Alcoholism... Many drink to cope with the pain that got them homeless in the first place. They're not homeless because they're drunks, it's the other way around.
Years ago, I'd guess some people went homeless because life beat them up too hard, they took all they could, and that's just what happened. Today, it's becoming the norm. Jobs are gone. We have half the nation on the dole or working pointless government jobs, yet we still do not have enough employment for those who want a job. Most work pays less than 12 an hour. If you have not recently started life over again with nothing you currently have including your skills, you have no clue what it's like to face a day in modern America.
"All the programs available to them..." The Commonwealth of Pennsylvania wouldn't train me to be a truck driver because I was not a displaced worker. I got laid off five years before the plant closed, so when I got my termination notice five years after my last day worked, I took that to the "Pennsylvania Career Link," which was more appropriately labeled "Unemployment Office" prior to the early 1980s, and the state worker told me, I didn't qualify because I didn't recently lose my job. Five years previously, another state worker told me right after I lost my job that I didn't qualify because I wasn't terminated yet.
So Pennsylvania wasn't willing to pay 5k - 10k to train me to be a truck driver, HVAC tech, or some other skill so I could at least support myself, yet they were willing to spend 8k per month, read that again, they paid 8k per month to house me in a state institution months after denying me programs for new job training. They paid 18k per month to house me in private institutions. To date, I've cost my state more than 250,000 dollars to house me in institutions. Ironic... If they gave me that 250k, I could invest in an education or just move to another country and never need another dime. I could run a tourism hotel and chartered fishing in some Latin American country.
The programs out there are a joke, and that's what most of you don't seem to grasp. When you can tell me how you recently lost everything in your life other than the clothing on your back, were homeless for months - years, didn't have anything in your pocket, walked off the street, got cleaned up, worked a minimum wage job, got better employment, bought a house, car, and all the consumerism junk, and were able to post to me from the computer you paid for, I'll gladly listen. Until then, smug comments and opinions from fortunate people who've never been through it are part of the reason why some people choose to remain homeless. I know many of you out there think you've had it hard or have false pride on how you got to where you are, I'm telling you that you're simply lucky! It's not a measure of your outstanding character that got you to where you are or a lack of moral fiber on the homeless. It's a matter of luck, and the way things have been going on in this nation, the economy's probably going to get you too! One thing I know for sure, if the economy gets you too, the words from pretentious people in society won't hurt as much as the ones you yourself used throughout your life. Those words will sting the most rather than the collective voices of society.
My only regret is that I didn't join the French Foreign Legion before I was 40 so I could escape this hole.
Quote:
Originally Posted by aneye4detail
You know what I'm afraid of, is when I tell him, even though he's known it's coming for a long while, but when I tell him this is it, this is the real deal, he might snap and go postal on us.
I'd suggest that you stop watching so much tv and drinking the kool aid. Not as many people want to rape, rob, or murder you as the government/wealthy elite wants you to believe. It's just a ploy so they can change us into a police state, create more government, and fleece your pockets even more.
Last edited by bolillo_loco; 11-02-2013 at 10:05 PM..
Reason: No Rhodes scholar here
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