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I have an 18-year-old daughter, who suffers a learning disability from a head injury suffered as an infant. She is NOT mentally retarded, just slow in some areas, but has been herded into "special needs" classes at school. She is extremely advanced in some areas (she is a gifted artist), but deficient in others (mainly street smarts). Due to the latter, my husband and I have been keeping her pretty much supervised. She's been allowed to go out socially, in supervised group settings (church group oriented parties, etc), but now that she has graduated, we are hesitant to let her date.
Anyway, a young man has come calling on her who knew her from school. I feel I do not know enough about him to let her see him. He claims he wants to "go for a walk with her". I keep making excuses, like we are leaving to go away, etc. He's pretty persistent.
I'm not trying to come off as a snob, but I think I need to protect my daughter from the local goalless "ya-hoos" I see roaming the street. Her father and I are not impressed with this one. Our daughter is a very gifted artist (one teacher said it is "scary", how talented she is) and recently won first place in oil and acrylics for a painting she entered at a local fair. Everyone thinks she should enter the art institute in our closest city, but due to her lack of street smarts, I am hesitant to let her out of my sight. I just don't want to see her hooked up with a loser or blow her future with someone I don't know (or trust). Yet, I can't dictate her social life for the rest of her life.
Again, she is not MR, just slow in a lot of areas. Her social street smarts are probably those of a 14-year-old.
How does your daughter feel about the young man? Does she want to go out for a walk with him? You are not going to be able to keep her sheltered from boys forever. Have you spoken with her about the normal adolescent things? Does she have other possible friends in the neighborhood or in her youth groups? You are really going to have to let her make her own decisions about these things.
Since you state that you don't know him... take the time, make the effort to GET to know him and his family. He wants to go for a walk? Fine, with you following 20 yards behind for the first few times. You can have your daughter meet him in public settings with you along... doesn't mean you need to sit between them at the movies, but you can still be there until you learn of what his intentions are. It's possible that he truly likes your daughter and her learning disability doesn't make a difference to him. You want her to be a budding artist, but you aren't comfortable sending her to the local art school... what are you planning on doing then? You can't keep her locked away at home and have big plans for her to become a famous artist... the two things won't work together. If her social age is about 14... that should be old enough to have her understand the facts of life and how to be cautious about boys.
We asked her how she felt about it. She knows this boy from school and says she does not like him much. He is learning disabled also, not that that has anything to do with it, but he's not into art like she is, and she hates sports, so what would they have in common? She does not want to hurt his feelings, but does not want to lead him on either. If she were interested in him, I would let her see him, but in well chaperoned settings, like family bowling or something. We are enrolling her in art classes at a local college at the start of the winter term, where she can live at home, rather than the out-of-town campus she wanted to attend. As far as boys are concerned, so far, she's only had one "crush" all through high school. She knows all about sex, relationships, etc. A close girlfriend of hers from school got pregnant and was showing at graduation, and my daughter thought it was awful. I think that taught her more than what any of us could.
Well, she is transtioning, will she be staying in SPED until age 22? If I was you...I would go have her get a implanton birth control device. She is growing up...and will probably be doing things without you around, and may not have as much supervision as you think at school.
No, she is graduated and out of school. She was under par academically, not MR or anything like that. Her IQ is well above MR. She told us that the boy pursuing her is borderline MR and has been in some trouble, which is why we are so hesitant. Like many children who have suffered head injuries, she is very adept in some areas, such as math and art, but deficient in others. We've had her extensively tested over the years. We do not feel that her attending the out of town art institute is possible this year, because it would require her living independently, so she is going to take courses at our local liberal arts college - just art, not pursue a degree at this time. Our attorney advised the birth control thing, but we've been putting it off because she has shown no interest in dating and confided to me that she finds the idea of the sex act "gross". Things can change, though, and her father can't chase the boys away forever. I want her to have a normal life, and fall in love with the right young man when the time is right.
What you tell your mom, and what you do when a boy is making you feel good about your self...are two different things...she is probably in a situation to be easily exploited by men...sorry, but true...and if she does go to school, or get a job, you can't be with her all the time. Go for the Birth Control now, while you have a choice...
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