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I want to give our ds every opportunity.............
I don't want to mean this as neg. but he quits everything he starts..I get so frustrated..........he wants instant gratification..we have tried to teach him not to quit this has been going on very early in his years..I have not yet found something that motivates him to where he can say i am having a great time.........
we have tried to talk to him about WHAT he wants to do and likes..he's not sure......so we try all kind of sports and activities then in about a few weeks he's had enough of that..we have dug deep mentally and emotionally why he keeps quiting but we are going in circles..Even dr's and psychologists have worked with him.....
What things have ya'll done to find the love of life in your child? I am needing new ideas..........
I will keep trying new things..i know i shouldn't bring up the financial side of this but it's real.....it's draining us....We have tried clubs, hobbies, youth groups etc..He loves all the preparation for something new when it's time to carry it out he will for a few times then it's done.....for ex. we are teaching him how to bow hunt..not animals.We went out and bought hundred of dollars worth of stuff to carry this out and yep now he's thru with this now..he's bored..we tried bowling got all the stuff and he did a few games with a special kids league and yep he quit that too..We have tried to keep him from quitting..u can't FORCE him to complete anything he won't do..no matter what the consequences are........
is anyone else going thru this here.........thanks
It could be his attention span is just short. Many of us enjoy the planning and preparation stages more than the continuation of the "project" even without any MR in the mix.
It also can be a learned thing. Does he have things like school work that he does focus on when necessary? Or is this something that has developed more and more over time? Maybe if the answer is yes, he has learned it is easy to quit and move on to something else and needs more emphasis on doing the activity for awhile. Does he have a volunteer or real job whether in or out of the house?
Please do things that do not take an investment or start with rentals. Bowling can be done without an investment of captial. It only needs rental fees and lane fees. Borrow or rent and stick to simple things until he really shows involvement.
If he reads, get him to the library. He needs to also learn to create his own activity. He can do puzzles, read, play cards, draw, do physical things like gardening,
thank you...........he is a poor reader..that frustrates him so much..I have tried differ. teaching methods with him to get better at reading..his issue is he learns better from others not MOM.......we will soon be with a job program (we hope)..
his favorite activities are the movies and tv play station games..u are so right he needs to learn to create his own activity and not wait for others..i just haven't got that thru to him yet............the only gardening we have got him to do is 'cut the grass'..I have tried to get him outside with the picks and shovels gardening and before i know it he disappears back to the house..........we even started small pots for some idea he thinks this was only for 'girls'..
ahhhhh but i did just get a thought with the books on tapes..
have a question isn't their playstation games with actual learning involved....hmmm maybe wwi............then he can interact..
My dd is worse than a brick wall when she doesn't want to do something -there's no convincing her. I'm just glad it isn't too often that she feels THAT strongly.
I don't know if this is true for your son but my dd had an eval that showed she learned visually (almost exclusively) so watching DVD's, tv - though she flips channels every 10 sec. at times. And the computer - she loves typing word lists but it gets more complicated than that. Say for instance the Pirates of Carribean movies, she'll do lists of each character, then the actors who play them, then each movie/tv show each of them has ever been in, with those character names, find clips, fan sites, pictures for each. Then she'll do the songs from the movie, etc. Easily has 8 or more windows open and flips between them faster than I can follow. When she was younger she learned more from Reader Rabbit, Broderbund educational CD's than printed materials and it was great because she could play and replay to her hearts content. This is good BUT it has to be a subject she's interested in - I just left her to it and she's figured out to do far more than I would have expected
and if I had tried to teach her to do some of it, she would have been resistant.
And I was concerned about too much computer time - still the fact is she learns best from it and she enjoys it, it isn't mindless- she has to think, make connections, learn from her mistakes. She's an awesome multi-tasker in a lot of areas yet she still has problems remembering our phone#/address. And social things are difficult, she doesn't know how to start and unfortunately there are few occasions for practice outside of school.
Maybe he's like some of the Sims things? strategy games can be too tough for my dd, she can't keep track of the plot or put it all together for a final goal. We got Sonic for our playstation and she like that one. But there's scrabble, word search, it helps to read the reviews to get an idea what's involved, levels of difficulty, etc. Or does he like listening kinds of things? It sound like he's not excited about manual things using his hands but maybe it's just those particular things - mine doesn't like touching things like mixing with her hands, feeling certain textures.
Every activity has a point where the intitial enthusiasm wanes and the hard work to master the activity begins. My nephew is exactly the same way - he loves the idea of doing it, but once he has to actually put some effort into mastery he just gives up. And the worst part is his mom and dad don't encourage him to keep pushing so he's got a long record of failed hobbies and a house full of expensive stuff he'll never touch again.
I bet his boredom stems from his lack of skills, and he just wants to be proficient without putting forth the effort to become proficient. (And I'm sure you can see the larger and very important life lesson that he could learn from all of this...)
If he starts with a group activity, make him stick with it. Put him in the car and take him. You can't force him to participate, but you can force him to go to the venue. If he doesn't, he stays in the house without TV or books or computer time or whatever.
Make a contract with him (and even sign it together) that you will spend the money for him to do X as long as he does X on a regular basis for a certain period of time. For the bow, for example, you could say he has to spend at least an hour or two a week practicing with the bow for six months. If he breaks the contract, make him pay you something out of his allowance. Or take away his video game time for two weeks.
You have to help him to stick with something long enough until he's able to become proficient at it. And he's got to understand that the money you are spending on his activities has a real cost, and while you are happy to absorb that cost to help him grow and learn you're not going to absorb it if he fails once again to go through with it.
Your job as a parent is to teach him the self discipline he'll need when he's an adult. Hold him to his promises.
How do you approach the whole " parent " idea when there is a kid who shows no sign of understanding. In our house we deal with the son not having any motivation to do anything. I keep trying to instill to him that the internet he uses without restrictions would be motivational, the food in which he gets to devour and help himself to is motivational, the fact he has a roof over his head and cozy warm clothes would be motivational, but unfortunately ... that is exactly the issue. The poor kid is lacking the cerebral tools to recognize these things. And because the spectrum is so VAST and Wide with varrying intensities ... It is very overwhelming for me to be in this relationship at home and watching his mom spend little time with him as she works full-time as a one-on-one support worker for the mentally handicapped. Sound too ironic? The older he gets ... the madder he gets. So I have noticed. Almost unsettling feeling within. I can't approach him the same way I approach my own two sons. It is unfair to expect so, because we are dealing with different dynamics of aptitude. This always turns into an arguement here.
I have no idea what the above poster is talking about except that I felt very insulted by the whole thing. Our son who is 22 years old with Down syndrome and not high-functioning (cerebral tools to recognize these things was offensive because mentally retarded is not stupid). He enjoys video games and just got a WII this morning with money he earned over time at home doing chores and at the day center doing work contracts and it is very interactive unlike everything before it. I am not sure what the original poster is looking for her child to do. Our son is very content with his life going to a day center with both social and work activities and doing educational programs on the computer, listening/watching musical dvds/cds and video games. He also enjoys simple crafts. He would certainly be overwhelmed and unhappy if we were to push him into a million different things to make him like his brother or someone else. Perhaps quiet and simple pursuits can bring just as much joy. I don't think that people who have higher IQs appreciate life anymore than those with lower IQs and would tend to believe that the ones with lower IQs enjoy life more. Every morning a smaller bus arrives with smiling faces waving and holding up items they have for me to see. Everyone tells us how happy our son seems. I guess I have no advice since I don't understand what others seem to be doing?
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