Social and Single Scene In Spokane/CDA, 20/30s (Seattle: middle-class, appointed)

[MysticalDream]

I am planning on leaving Boise, ID.. There has been lot of changes in life, won't discuss them here. Anyhow, I have been disappointed at the lack of single scene for non-Christians in their 20s/30s in Boise area. It seems most singles are either in high school or divorced with kids (many times from different fathers) and over 40. The Mormon cultural influence in Southern Idaho I think is the reason for the high rate of teen pregnancy and the fact that many marry out of high school.

Anyway, I am sad of the lack of cosmopolitan and culture in Boise's downtown. It seems if you are not a foul-mouthed, drunk college brat, you will not really fit into the downtown. Boise is a giant suburb and the only people who seem to go to the downtown are rowdy, drunk college kids. This wasn't what I was use to living in Portland, where you had people of all walks of life and the scene was very casual and had an intellectual aura and was structured. You would see families, middle-class, upper-class, young and old enjoying downtown Portland's nightlife. I was shocked to see how Downtown Boise seems like just one rowdy college party with a scary police presence. Maybe all the more civil people hide in certain places of this town that I am not aware, but it seem very disappointing.

Oh well to stop ranting, I will say I found Boise a difficult place to date or finding single ladies in 20s or early 30s. I am 33 year old male. It seems if you are not a Mormon or evangelical Christian that your chances are slim to meet somebody decent. Most girls downtown on the weekend are just looking for sex and have very little substance to them.

Would Spokane have a better night life? Is there more social groups, cultural activities and places to meet people for friendship or dating that don't revolve around a church? I don't care if people are Christian or not, but I'd like to be able to meet people in a non-religious environment where I am not expected to be brainwashed or at the service of their religious community. In Portland there was all types of ways to meet people, but Boise seems lacking. I am wondering how Spokane can compare?

I am a religious Netzarim/Messianic Jew (both ethnic Jewish and spiritual), but I am not requiring that I date somebody who thinks like me. New York CIty or Chicago would be my only hope there and I don't want to live in either city. Rather, I would like to find a woman who can accept me. Anyway, in order to find a person, I need a pool of single women in 20s/30s, which Boise has almost none. I'm thinking maybe all smaller towns would be hard places to find single women in this age group, as they gravitate towards bigger cities. I would just like to hear people's thoughts about Spokane/CDA area and singles. I am sure CDA is almost all families, so it is more along the lines of Boise. I'm thinking Spokane may have more opportunities.

Another reason I want to be in Spokane/CDA is to be closer to forest, mountains, lakes and beauty. Boise is in an ugly , stinky valley surrounded by sagebrush. The beauty is too far. This will be a post for a separate thread so I don't get off subject.

[kmrivers]

You mention Chicago and NYC, but what about Seattle?

[MysticalDream]

Too much $$$$.. Actually, I would maybe like to live in Seattle, but I just don't have the money.. You have to read the part of my post, where I say I will be living poor for the next couple of years. Basically, if I live in Seattle, I will be stuck in a slum for the money I can spend.

[MysticalDream]

I guess the lack of responses have answered my question.. Oh well, beautiful scenery general outlasts a beautiful spouse in this country these days anyhow.. At least I will have beautiful trees and lakes, even if I don't have a social life. Being a mountain man, I can live with that.. In Boise, I have neither any beautiful scenery or social/dating life.. When I lived on the Oregon Coast I was content with all the beautiful scenery around me although there was few humans in the area. It was the really nasty weather, endless fog and being so far away from any stores that made me leave that area. In couple years if I need to find employment after my studying is complete and business ventures fail, I may be forced to live in a big, dirty, noisy and crime-ridden city and can think about "dating/social life" again. Perhaps, I should take these next two years to appreciate being able to live in such beauty, even though I will be getting passed the "marriage age".

[ediddy]

Mystical,

I live outside Spokane and work in CDA and I'm in my 30s, married with kids. We moved to the area because we wanted to get away from the big dirty city. And it seems like everyone we've met here moved for the same reason...good place to raise a family, low crime (relatively speaking) and lots to do outdoors. And that usually means a place without much nightlife.

That being said, the people here are not overly religious and in general are good people. So you should be able to meet Mrs. Right somewhere, but probably not at a club.

[Spokane County Girl]

I moved here for the famiy environment, not the dating scene.

You can search the dating sites to evaluate the potential. You can search without joining.

It's a smaller area than Seattle, Portland or New York.

There is a smaller dating pool. Most singles male and female in the 25-35 range do have children.

Remember you only need to find 1 not 1000 anyway.

[CarawayDJ]

I'm convinced that if you just look at things from the right perspective all is well. Take my perspective. I grew up in a small town in NH that only had 20K people. Most of the "night clubs" were just hotel/resort lounges (albeit good). That said, I never really heard anyone complain about the dating scene. My friends and I would have looked at a city like Spokane (or any other place with 10x the population) like we were in a smorgasbord.

It's all a matter of perspective. The Spokane metro has over 600K people. I don't have to live there to know what that means. Ain't no way someone can't find a good girl in an area with 600K people.

[MysticalDream]

Caraway, I live in Boise, about the same size as Spokane, and almost all the single women I met are high schoolers, divorced women with children and a lot of baggage and a few ratty drunk college-girls who are just looking for parties and cheap one-night relationships.

It seems that unless you are a Mormon or born and raised here it is very, very hard to find decent single people in the 20/30s age group. Check out Boise Active Singles on Meetup and you will see there is almost nobody under 40 in their group. I was a bit shocked. Portland, on the other hand, has many single people in my age group. It seems that "fun cities" or at least, bigger cities are places where single, professional and more sober-minded people tend to live for work, but as well as better social opportunities. In all honesty, Portland was a bit too hipster and grungy for me, but it beats Boise by a milllion miles, regardless of its problems.

I am not trying to complain, but I think I have made a good assessment of the area and realize that dating is not really prospect in a place like Boise. Almost every transplant I meet has something in common, they came with their family, not alone! I understand, because it is a tough place to be alone. I am not saying Spokane is the same, but judging by the other posters who moved to Spokane with there family and "known nothing about the dating scene", I think I am making an assessment it has a similar demographic of people.

I am thinking Spokane may or may not be like Boise in the respect of dating and social scene. It is less Mormon, which I think will help a bit, as Mormons, like Muslims, or even many Orthodox Jews (my own background) and other strict religious groups only keep to themselves. Considering, Boise area is like 15-30% Mormon, that removes quite a bit of available people in the social/dating pool. The other big portion is evangelical CHristians and they also for the most part only date other evangelical christians which removes them as well, for both socializing/dating. However, I don't find evangelicals quite as isolated as Mormon community. I am told Spokane has less Christians and is less religious than Boise, Salt Lake and other cities in the area. Once again, this may be helpful for me as well.

Anyway, this post is turning into a bit of rant. I can live the rest of my life and be single. I work 12-13 hours a day to put food on the table and don't have time now or maybe for a long time to join clubs, groups, events or other types of activities that might allow a person to make good friends or find a mate who isn't a drunk/drugged-out loser you will find in the bars. Despite being a Netzarim/Messianic Jew, I tried attending some churches/church groups in Boise. After too many religious battles with them, I decided it is best to avoid being around religious people who cannot accept any other view than their own. This blew most of my socializing/dating prospects in this town.

Another thing, I am very distraught that Boise's downtown, for example, seems to be a cesspool of just drunks, wannabe gangbangers and foul-mouthed college kids. I was hoping that Spokane may have a more real downtown like Portland, that has all types of events and attracts a better element of people, not just the heathen.

Anyhow, I was thinking I'd like to move to a bigger city, but won't have the money for a while. Anyhow, I can accept solitude if I have beautiful forests and mountains around. Boise is just dang ugly and being all alone here makes me miserable. At least in Oregon, I had so much beauty around me. But the cost of living there killed me and I had to leave.

[CarawayDJ]

Originally Posted by MysticalDream

Caraway, I live in Boise, about the same size as Spokane, and almost all the single women I met are high schoolers, divorced women with children and a lot of baggage and a few ratty drunk college-girls who are just looking for parties and cheap one-night relationships..............

What you are saying isn't lost on me, I just don't accept it. There are millions upon millions of Americans living in small towns and other rural areas throughout the US. If they can meet people then someone in an area of hundreds of thousands certainly can too. I worked in Tabuk Saudi Arabia for a while. It's in the sticks. Some of my American friends were leaving married. They would meet a western nurse at the hospital. So in a setting with really slim pickings, without any bars and nightclubs, they met someone. After you remove all of the Mormons in Spokane, and all of the married women in Spokane, and all of the girls with boyfriends, and all of the girls outside of your age range, and all of the girls who aren't into you, there are probably still 10,000 woman as eager to meet you as you are them. Just gotta find them.

[gorgse]

I'm from montana and similar age and I'm thinking of doing the same as MysticalDream. Unfortunately it is true that in your mid 30's, dating life is pretty poor. I'm hoping that moving to a bigger city like Spokane that I'll have more opportunities. It has been about 5 years since I had a serious date.