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You know, there is something wrong on both sides of this equation. The whole thing is just off-center. I do not believe that the teacher is just defenseless in this. Also, depending on the state, a program may or may not be available when the son is 21 years old as it depends on funding. A parent of a child with special needs has no more responsibility toward their child than a mother whose 21 year old son doesn't work and relies on public assistance or the 17 year old who is pregnant and gets welfare to take care of her and her baby. I would be delighted if ALL parents of children had to care for them and keep them off the public dime. I don't see why you expect more from the parents of special needs children than those of "normal" children who just fail to cut it when they grow up. Like I said, every story has two sides and this just screams "lop-sided"!
Since he is only 11 we are more worried about tomorrow, next week & next month in the classroom than what his mom does or doesn't do when he is 21 years old.
What do you suggest that the teacher do? What do you think that you would do in this situation?
The other parents have not complained because they do not realize how much of everyone's time is spent with this disruptive child. The children in his classroom last year (almost the same children this year) made almostzero progress because so much time was spent with this one child plus they were terrified of him. One of the other mothers sadly said to the teacher at the end of last year, "I had hoped that my son was able to learn faster but obviously he is more mentally retarded than we had originally realized".
Three times today the student with behavioral problems, stripped naked and threw his diaper on the floor when asked to work. Once he threw poop in the teachers face, once he uriinated on the carpet and once he grabbed poop out of his diaper and rubbed it on the walls. These are behavioral problems not problems because of his cognitive level.
Hmm, could this be because he did not have any negative consequences when it happened on Friday? Or did his mother have him do extra fun things because he was home early? (she did that a different time). Maybe he wanted to be sent home to get to do the "fun things".
Who would you report something like to? The health department? The city? ???
Since he is only 11 we are more worried about tomorrow, next week & next month in the classroom than what his mom does or doesn't do when he is 21 years old.
What do you suggest that the teacher do? What do you think that you would do in this situation?
Well, I would quit and publicize this to the media if necessary. That's me. I would not care if they fire me because I think the situation is hazardous to my own health and well-being. It's not in the best interest of the child either.
Maybe you can get a reporter into the school somehow.
You know, there is something wrong on both sides of this equation. The whole thing is just off-center. I do not believe that the teacher is just defenseless in this. Also, depending on the state, a program may or may not be available when the son is 21 years old as it depends on funding. A parent of a child with special needs has no more responsibility toward their child than a mother whose 21 year old son doesn't work and relies on public assistance or the 17 year old who is pregnant and gets welfare to take care of her and her baby. I would be delighted if ALL parents of children had to care for them and keep them off the public dime. I don't see why you expect more from the parents of special needs children than those of "normal" children who just fail to cut it when they grow up. Like I said, every story has two sides and this just screams "lop-sided"!
The "why" is because there are Federal programs meant to protect children w/ disabilities in place to assist w/ the education and life skills of persons w/ disabilities. The parents should be advocating utilizing these programs, our taxes pay for them. That is why parents should be proactively involved and educating themselves. Comparing a person that needs assistance in education and/or employment w/ someone that may not want to be educated/employed is like comparing apples to oranges.
Other than that, I cannot comment...I'm reading the same posts as you.
My Son, in programs for special needs from 2nd grade on was in a wonderfully supportive school. I was a very active parent, even taking a semester off in my degree to volunteer several times a week upon his diagnosis at the school, in reading programs and other activities just to learn and educate myself and help my child.
It is never easy, it is often discouraging and there is grief and loss involved when your child is diagnosed w/ issues that you know will be life long and often detremental to their ability to meet their own needs in adulthood. But, I feel that he was benefited greatly by teachers and counselors at his school system and I am ever grateful. I hope someone does the right thing for this student as well.
The "why" is because there are Federal programs meant to protect children w/ disabilities in place to assist w/ the education and life skills of persons w/ disabilities. The parents should be advocating utilizing these programs, our taxes pay for them. That is why parents should be proactively involved and educating themselves. Comparing a person that needs assistance in education and/or employment w/ someone that may not want to be educated/employed is like comparing apples to oranges.
Other than that, I cannot comment...I'm reading the same posts as you.
My Son, in programs for special needs from 2nd grade on was in a wonderfully supportive school. I was a very active parent, even taking a semester off in my degree to volunteer several times a week upon his diagnosis at the school, in reading programs and other activities just to learn and educate myself and help my child.
It is never easy, it is often discouraging and there is grief and loss involved when your child is diagnosed w/ issues that you know will be life long and often detremental to their ability to meet their own needs in adulthood. But, I feel that he was benefited greatly by teachers and counselors at his school system and I am ever grateful. I hope someone does the right thing for this student as well.
Germaine has said this is a behavior problem, not a cognition problem.
This child's mother is not like you. She is not engaged in his care at all. She rewards his misbehavior. That undermines any behavior modification performed at school.
What she needs to do is strip his room of everything that could be entertaining and get all snacks out of the house. Then, at the first sign of misbehavior, he is sent home to his sterile room. He is told that the doctor says his behavior means he is overstimulated by his video games, he is tired, and he needs extra rest. He comes out to eat meals, at the table with the family. Prepare something that he likes. If he misbehaves, he goes to his room. No more food. He is periodically escorted to the toilet. If he performs, he is told in a matter of fact tone that he did well. No big deal, he did what he was supposed to do. After meals, to the toilet, back to his room for "more rest."
The next day he goes to school. He is welcomed, told his teachers understand he is getting more rest, and they are sure he must be happier and more relaxed. At school, he may participate in activities provided by the school. The minute he misbehaves, he goes home, back into the empty room. He is told he obviously needs "more rest."
Repeat as needed until he behaves at school. Reintroduce his toys as his behavior gets better. Expect him to backslide as a means of testing everyone. When that happens, it is so sad, but obviously he needs "more rest." Start over.
Mom is going to have to be available every day to come get him. No stops for fast food, directly home.
The problem is going to be getting mom to realize that once the kid gets the hang of it, she is personally going to be much happier.
It is difficult with a child like this to tell how much is behavioral and how much does involve cognition. It sounds like he has never been able to be taught much in the way of academics at all.
How would you force this mother to agree to your plan? You can't unless you get child protective services involved.
Germaine has said this is a behavior problem, not a cognition problem.
This child's mother is not like you. She is not engaged in his care at all. She rewards his misbehavior. That undermines any behavior modification performed at school.
What she needs to do is strip his room of everything that could be entertaining and get all snacks out of the house. Then, at the first sign of misbehavior, he is sent home to his sterile room. He is told that the doctor says his behavior means he is overstimulated by his video games, he is tired, and he needs extra rest. He comes out to eat meals, at the table with the family. Prepare something that he likes. If he misbehaves, he goes to his room. No more food. He is periodically escorted to the toilet. If he performs, he is told in a matter of fact tone that he did well. No big deal, he did what he was supposed to do. After meals, to the toilet, back to his room for "more rest."
The next day he goes to school. He is welcomed, told his teachers understand he is getting more rest, and they are sure he must be happier and more relaxed. At school, he may participate in activities provided by the school. The minute he misbehaves, he goes home, back into the empty room. He is told he obviously needs "more rest."
Repeat as needed until he behaves at school. Reintroduce his toys as his behavior gets better. Expect him to backslide as a means of testing everyone. When that happens, it is so sad, but obviously he needs "more rest." Start over.
Mom is going to have to be available every day to come get him. No stops for fast food, directly home.
The problem is going to be getting mom to realize that once the kid gets the hang of it, she is personally going to be much happier.
This sounds like a great idea but she is the mom who says that she "is too busy" to work on toilet training him and "forgot" to enroll him in school until he was 7 years old. What parent "forgets" to enroll their child in kindergarten for two years? He probably has some cognitive difficulties but his current problems relate more to his behavior and lack of appropriate follow-through at home.
Germaine has said this is a behavior problem, not a cognition problem.
This child's mother is not like you. She is not engaged in his care at all. She rewards his misbehavior. That undermines any behavior modification performed at school.
What she needs to do is strip his room of everything that could be entertaining and get all snacks out of the house. Then, at the first sign of misbehavior, he is sent home to his sterile room. He is told that the doctor says his behavior means he is overstimulated by his video games, he is tired, and he needs extra rest. He comes out to eat meals, at the table with the family. Prepare something that he likes. If he misbehaves, he goes to his room. No more food. He is periodically escorted to the toilet. If he performs, he is told in a matter of fact tone that he did well. No big deal, he did what he was supposed to do. After meals, to the toilet, back to his room for "more rest."
The next day he goes to school. He is welcomed, told his teachers understand he is getting more rest, and they are sure he must be happier and more relaxed. At school, he may participate in activities provided by the school. The minute he misbehaves, he goes home, back into the empty room. He is told he obviously needs "more rest."
Repeat as needed until he behaves at school. Reintroduce his toys as his behavior gets better. Expect him to backslide as a means of testing everyone. When that happens, it is so sad, but obviously he needs "more rest." Start over.
Mom is going to have to be available every day to come get him. No stops for fast food, directly home.
The problem is going to be getting mom to realize that once the kid gets the hang of it, she is personally going to be much happier.
This was part of the OP's original post....Am I misunderstanding something?? These are more than behavioral issues....
Original OP
"Last year I was a substitute special education teacher's aide for several weeks while the school district was trying to find someone to accept the position as a 1 to 1 aide with an extremely difficult to handle student with autism, mental retardation and other problems. I returned to sub aide again for several weeks when the person hired quit after a week. After the new person hired quit after a couple of weeks I was again hired as the substitute 1 to 1 aide for this student until they could find a third person to take the job. The only reason that I kept coming back was that I felt sorry for the special education teacher, other classroom aides and other special education students as they were getting hit, kicked, pushed, etc on a daily basis.
The special education teacher documented everything and followed all the procedures and didn't get any help and assistance. After a while the teacher LITERALLY BEGGED the psychologist and director of special education to observe the student as he was exceptionally complex and difficult to teach and she wanted help. Meanwhile, everyone involved with this student, special education bus drivers, aides, therapists, peers etc. were getting bruised and battered on a regular basis. This went on for almost 9 months.......
It is difficult with a child like this to tell how much is behavioral and how much does involve cognition. It sounds like he has never been able to be taught much in the way of academics at all.
How would you force this mother to agree to your plan? You can't unless you get child protective services involved.
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
This sounds like a great idea but she is the mom who says that she "is too busy" to work on toilet training him and "forgot" to enroll him in school until he was 7 years old. What parent "forgets" to enroll their child in kindergarten for two years? He probably has some cognitive difficulties but his current problems relate more to his behavior and lack of appropriate follow-through at home.
That's why I said the problem is the mother. Bring her in, sit her down, and tell her this is what is going to happen. She is not being asked whether she wants to do it or not.The sooner she takes charge, the happier she will be. Every time he misbehaves, she will be called. Not a baby sitter, not the child's grandparents. She has to decide to become a responsible parent. When she is called, she has to drop what she is doing and come in. Not three hours later, either. Make it all about her. The irony is that if she will do it, the response could be dramatic. Maybe a week or two.
I don't know about CPS, but I get the impression she is really not a fit parent. Perhaps a visit from CPS is what she needs to get jolted into doing her job.
Obviously the child cannot learn anything if he is kicking, biting, and flinging feces.
This was part of the OP's original post....Am I misunderstanding something?? These are more than behavioral issues....
Original OP
"Last year I was a substitute special education teacher's aide for several weeks while the school district was trying to find someone to accept the position as a 1 to 1 aide with an extremely difficult to handle student with autism, mental retardation and other problems. I returned to sub aide again for several weeks when the person hired quit after a week. After the new person hired quit after a couple of weeks I was again hired as the substitute 1 to 1 aide for this student until they could find a third person to take the job. The only reason that I kept coming back was that I felt sorry for the special education teacher, other classroom aides and other special education students as they were getting hit, kicked, pushed, etc on a daily basis.
The special education teacher documented everything and followed all the procedures and didn't get any help and assistance. After a while the teacher LITERALLY BEGGED the psychologist and director of special education to observe the student as he was exceptionally complex and difficult to teach and she wanted help. Meanwhile, everyone involved with this student, special education bus drivers, aides, therapists, peers etc. were getting bruised and battered on a regular basis. This went on for almost 9 months.......
The child has learned that if he behaves like this, sometimes he will get sent home, where he gets to do what he wants to. He has to learn that when he gets sent home, he no longer gets to do what he wants to do. His bad behavior is being reinforced by his mother.
And no teacher should have to go through what these teachers are having to put up with.
Special needs kids do need additional services, but there has to be a point at which the system says we can no longer provide for this child in this environment. If the problem is parental neglect, and I am seeing that here, then perhaps CPS might need to get involved, if only to get mom in to see someone who can teach her what she needs to do.
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