paying customers ? are we there to patronize the business or be social ? (Post: buying, live)

[Rapunzll]

Originally Posted by debzkidz

I don't want an extended conversation with the grocery checker, but if I didn't get at least a smile and a "how are you today?" I would be pi**ed. As mentioned before, it's just civility and common courtesy. These are two things which are sorely lacking in many parts of the country. I'm glad that in Texas and here in Oklahoma, as in most of the South, it's still alive. I can't imagine going through life with such a dark outlook on the world that I assumed everyone who made eye contact with me was faking it.

When I worked retail I genuinely enjoyed meeting the customers. Gee, I like people. I met a lot of nice people. I didn't want to be their best friend, but by smiling and being nice, I was just trying to be a nice person. That's what I was raised to do. That's what I raised my kids to do. Nothing fake about it.

And you never know when a simple smile brightens someone else's day!

[debzkidz]

Besides, if I wasn't nice to people, my mother would still backhand me, and I'm over 50.

[losttechnician]

Originally Posted by sunnybunz

Please dont hit the reply button ASAP, think on it for at least a few minutes : DOES THE SIGHT OF A STRANGER BRING A VOLUNTARY, NATURAL EXPRESSION OF JOY TO YOU ? Or do you have to consciously move some muscles to effect it ?

I thought about it for a few minutes, and did not change my mind. My answer is YES. Well, I would qualify that yes, with "when they smile at me". I genuinely smile back, and it makes me feel good, and hope it does the same for them.

Employees get renumerated for their smiles ! I dont get anything for smiling back, so why should I ? They are taking nuff of my hard-earned $ as it is......

Sure, they are being "renumerated" for taking your money. Not for smiling, though. Extra smiling might increase the tips, but not if the tipper can tell the difference between a fake one and a real one. Why should *YOU* smile back??? Well, IMO, it is just the decent thing to do. Maybe *THEY* like to have a perfect stranger smile back at them, but hey.... If you don't want to smile then don't.

You think Blacks and (newly arrived Mexicans do it ? ) I got news for you, they dont ! And dont even think about it with South Asians, they are grumpier than I am, any visit to a motel or gas station will prove that point royally !!!

Well, living and growing up in West Texas, I have spent my entire life around "newly arrived Mexicans" as you so eloquently put it.... I will tell you that most of those newly arrived Mexicans are very fine folks who are very decent human beings. I very much enjoyed the 25+ years I spent in face to face customer service in Tx, and every single day of that I dealt with "newly arrived Mexicans", and even though I speak very little spanish, most of all of them were very nice to me, and gladly shared smiles.

If you choose NOT to smile or engage in a few seconds of friendly banter with salefolks, it is certainly your right. Do not, however, try to convince the rest of us that YOUR choice is the correct choice for the rest of us. I will still smile at you, but I certainly won't try to change your mind about it.

[texdav]

I really don't get what the Op thinks is goig to happen because she like unfriendly people. Sounds like Ops problem to me.not anyone in Texas.I woud bet she gets a what;s her/he 's problem conttantly.I am sure if OP says Ba-hum bug they will get the message even in Texas about OP.

[talkispoison]

Sorry OP, some of us are naturally happy. Sorry you can't find enough joy in your life to pass on.

[DanielWayne]

Originally Posted by sunnybunz

I get customer service. I'm familiar with the concept and dont have any argument with it. In fact I think its a good idea----
What I personally have beef with and is starting to irritate me (since I moved to Texas and has gotten steady worse) is that the employees, shop owners and other service personnell like waiters and counter-help etc expect you to be cheery/bouncy back to them too.
I am not a social butterfly. I never have been accused of being "Miss Personality". I'm not a mean or hateful person, just keep to myself and reserve emotions for those towards whom I actually feel them. I myself dont often smile at a service industry personnel or store employee, unless I happen to feel a certain connection with a particular individual ( it does happen ) Other than that : I am polite and reserved and quiet. I dont respond to their attempts to engage and usually break eye contact immediately after greeting them. What floors me is that some in the service / hospitality industry seem personally hurt or offended. All because I dont smile back. All because I dont gush back, "yeah it IS a lovely day" with a inane grin. If I did that I'd feel just plain stupid ! I'm already spending money at the place of business and you will get paid every week on schedule whether we socialize or not, so why do you care and even WORSE why do you look all jaded and have long face just because I refuse to engage with you ? I dont bother with random people on the street or in public places either, I usually avoid strangers who smile or greet me unless I see a certain stranger on a regular, predictable basis. But its easier to walk past someone than it is to ignore a cashier or counter help with whom I'm stuck for at least 2 minutes, usually longer. I havent lived anyplace else where socializing seems so obligatory

EDIT : It seems to be a "white culture" thing as Blacks and (immigrant) Hispanicsdont really do that. But the Hispanics who are American in every way and speak perfect English for them, yes. Asians dont do it ether I noticed.

Get used to it. You are in Tx now. Those places purposefully hire cheery people because that-is-the-way-it-is here. Sometimes they do bother me, but since I am not a negative person, more often they bring a little happiness to my day. Yes, a few are trying to sell snake oil, but in all reality most people are genuinely being nice. Not everybody feels they should be remunerated for something as simple as a smile.

[sunnybunz]

Originally Posted by debzkidz

Besides, if I wasn't nice to people, my mother would still backhand me, and I'm over 50.

Wouldnt she go to jail for that ? Besides : you cannot FORCE someone to be "nice". Its either genuine or not. Sounds like your mother is very superficial AND abusive.

[sunnybunz]

Originally Posted by Rapunzll

Having worked in customer service, I can honestly say that 99% of the time when I smiled at someone it was genuine and not faked.

Same as off the job. Try smiling more often, you might find you are a much happier person than you appear to be now.

Rapunzel I smile plenty at those I know and love, my friends and family and on occasion folks with whom I REGURLARLY interact in a social setting. ( even if its fleeting, as long as its on an ongoing basis )

When exactly did " I dont see the point in meaningless fake smiling and conversating w/ strangers" become "I dont smile I am a Scrooge" ???

BOOYAH to those who would ASS-ume

I think you are confusing me with a grouch ALLOW ME TO CLARIFY : I save my smiles for those near and dear to me.

[sunnybunz]

Originally Posted by losttechnician

I thought about it for a few minutes, and did not change my mind. My answer is YES. Well, I would qualify that yes, with "when they smile at me". I genuinely smile back, and it makes me feel good, and hope it does the same for them.



Sure, they are being "renumerated" for taking your money. Not for smiling, though. Extra smiling might increase the tips, but not if the tipper can tell the difference between a fake one and a real one. Why should *YOU* smile back??? Well, IMO, it is just the decent thing to do. Maybe *THEY* like to have a perfect stranger smile back at them, but hey.... If you don't want to smile then don't.



Well, living and growing up in West Texas, I have spent my entire life around "newly arrived Mexicans" as you so eloquently put it.... I will tell you that most of those newly arrived Mexicans are very fine folks who are very decent human beings. I very much enjoyed the 25+ years I spent in face to face customer service in Tx, and every single day of that I dealt with "newly arrived Mexicans", and even though I speak very little spanish, most of all of them were very nice to me, and gladly shared smiles.

If you choose NOT to smile or engage in a few seconds of friendly banter with salefolks, it is certainly your right. Do not, however, try to convince the rest of us that YOUR choice is the correct choice for the rest of us. I will still smile at you, but I certainly won't try to change your mind about it.

OK, recent arrivals, Olympic style swimmers / runners whatever you want to call them. The not-yet-assimilated ones. They smile to each other, not to strangers. Sometimes I truly think they dont trust us Gringos !

[sunnybunz]

Originally Posted by texashorselady

interesting that your assumption is that people who smile at you (whether at a check-out counter or walking down the street) are "faking it". Perhaps that's projection on your part, because that's what you would be doing if you smiled at someone else, faking it?


RESPONSE : If i am genuinely pleased to see them it wouldnt be fake, i assure you. It wouldnt be a lie as the smile would radiate from the inside out !

I assure you when i smile at someone, i'm not faking anything.


RESPONSE : Umm, really ???


Just expressing pleasure at seeing another human being, RESPONSE : the one that maybe just robbed a bank, beat their kid, stole your rocking chair off your front porch or hacked into your personal online accounts ? How naive are you, lady ? Or i should say how fake ???? Surely you might at least guess that the person you are faced with may not be mother teresa, huh ???


Perhaps feeling good about my day and wanting to bring just a tiny bit of sunshine to theirs, acknowledging their existence on the planet (how invasive!), nothing fake about any of that. RESPONSE : Once the two of you have made eye contact that is : By default an acknowledgement of each other's existence. Nothing more is needed.


I'm not saying, most likely, that i want to be their best friend forever and take them home to dinner right this minute, but there's no fake meaning behind the smile. RESPONSE : If your not trying to be their friend then why bother ? Save the smiles for those you truly feel affection for, they will be more sincere that way !

It's not necessary to be gruff and standoffish with people just because they're not your best friend. I do understand about being shy - i used to be terminally shy, myself. But i certainly didn't try to blame other people for my own problems, which this is beginning to sound like.

RESPONSE : nope, i just dont like forced interaction..