Our son is marrying a girl from 'the valley'. How do we fit in at the wedding? (San Antonio: racism, money)

[UnfairPark]

In mixed (race, religion, ethnicity, nationality, class) marriages, what matters most is good intentions, mutual respect and kindness from both sides. Marriage is about bride & groom, families should try to make it a relaxed and happy day for them.

You can ask your son and his bride if they have a dress code or any specific requests to make things go smoothly.

Don’t feel obliged to pay for the expensive dress or offer coins or anything extravagant. Just gift them as much money as you are comfortable with to help with new beginnings.

In the end, all anyone want is respect, kindness and acceptance. We are all the same in that regard, hoping a happy beginning and happily ever after for our kids.

[tcualum]

As someone who is in a mixed marriage, I think it's wonderful that you're embracing your future daughter-in-law and her culture and want her to be happy. I know how important that is since my mother-in-law was and still is the exact opposite. Talk to your daughter-in-law and tell her these things. If your son chose a good woman she will appreciate your desire to fit in at the wedding and be respectful of her family and traditions and will want to help you. If there is something special that your family does to honor the couple ask if you can do that as well to embrace them into your family and culture too. Don't assume that your son has told her about any of those things if they exist. After all, it's joining of two families.

[TexasRedneck]

[Mod cut: orphaned]

OP, talking with the future DIL is outstanding advice. Get a feel for how close she is to HER family, and ask her for guidance in dealing with them - after all, she knows them best. Ask if she thinks it would help for y'all to visit her folks in advance (and how far in advance) to cover any issues/traditions that might be important to them. Rather than focusing on hispanic/white differences, base it on not being familiar with "southern" traditions. That will help avoid that there's any issue/concern about that part of things, and allow them to take it from there.

I can tell you from experience that if you go with a sincerely open mind and heart, you'll find some of the warmest, kindest and fun-loving folks you'll ever want to meet. You'll KNOW that you're being accepted when you start hearing about the "black sheep" of the family......

[happycrow]

[Mod cut: orphaned]

OP -- one important thing that hasn't been said *explicitly* but may help to reassure you -- RGV families are cosmopolitan and comfortable with the "dual worlds" thing in my experience. You're not expected to be them -- you're expected to be kind, respectful, and sincere. and it looks like you've already got that covered.

[ikoolu]

seems like a little thin skinned to me

[Trainwreck20]

Originally Posted by tcualum

As someone who is in a mixed marriage, I think it's wonderful that you're embracing your future daughter-in-law and her culture and want her to be happy. I know how important that is since my mother-in-law was and still is the exact opposite. Talk to your daughter-in-law and tell her these things. If your son chose a good woman she will appreciate your desire to fit in at the wedding and be respectful of her family and traditions and will want to help you. If there is something special that your family does to honor the couple ask if you can do that as well to embrace them into your family and culture too. Don't assume that your son has told her about any of those things if they exist. After all, it's joining of two families.

That there. They don't expect you to act like you are from the valley. The fact that you are cognizant probably means everything is going to be just fine

This, as well. It is her wedding, not ours on C-D, and she will know the answers, or at least more so than us.

[gguerra]

You don't have to fit in, be yourself. They wouldn't want you to. They are also not aliens from another planet. A wedding is a wedding and as far as culture you will adapt later if you have to but you don't. Live your life and they live theirs. As for the wedding, the music and customs may be different but that would apply to any culture you are not used to. Understanding and acceptance is all you need.

[lonestar2007]

I understand the concern about the dress code. No one wants to stick out like a sore thumb no matter the circumstances. As others have said, talk with your future DIL and she can guide you through details on what to expect. You didn't mention when the wedding was to take place so bear in mind the difference of weather in McAllen vs IN, but I'm sure this is a redundant comment and you're probably thinking, duh, we know that!

As others have said, be yourself and enjoy the blessed event to the fullest. I'm predicting you are going to have some wonderful memories of your son's wedding as you embrace his bride into your family.

[supfromthesite]

Dress might be more casual than what you are used to, unless they are a wealthy family or from Northern Mexico. I dated a girl whose family was from the valley and they made fun of me a bit for wearing a vest with a button down to a holiday party

[grad_student200]

[Mod cut: orphaned]
The real color to worried about is green - can they afford marriage, parenthood, etc. Do they have 20% ready to put down on a mortgage? Do they have insurance in case the child is born premature? They seem young to get married. When guys get married young (early to mid 20s), they can easily have affairs with much younger women when they are in their 40s (or even 50s) - especially in Texas.

There was an article a few years ago about a $100,000+ wedding in San Antonio that led to divorce a few years later. It was bizarre.