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Our brains are amazingly creative and the brain's chemical balance (or imbalance) make all the difference. You could be experiencing hypnagogic hallucinations. Look it up. In the meantime, de-stress as much as you can, but don't nap during the day. I don't think you mentioned that you nap during the day, but if you do: When you sleep a lot during the day (or oversleep in general), nighttime rest can be fitful--even stressful to the point of hallucination. Also, maybe ask your doctor about other causes of hypnagogic hallucination (narcolepsy, schizophrenia, certain drugs including some sleeping pills, etc.).
Whatever it is, I wish you all the best in figuring it out.
Whatever it is, please know I am wishing you peace, and hope you have support to count on....
Well the "visitation" was quite real. This has happened to her before, but as bad as that was this is worse. I still have no real explanation for what force drove the experience. The "cat", the sheet trying to wrap me up. I know it wasn't our connection. It wasn't a benevolent thing. But it was no hallucination. Whatever it was, was telling me something was very wrong and with who.
It's a form of PTSD (something I thought we had somewhat under control) exacerbated by an old serious head trauma. Two years of hard work bringing her back from the last time are gone. Right now she doesn't even really recognize me, or anyone else. It's almost like Alzheimers. She's not in the here and now. She knows who she is, where she lives, that she has a cat. Physically she's functional. She can walk, even drive (obviously) but her mind is just off in her own world. Like I said, I should have known. This is the first thing I should have thought of. But it's all just chin music now. With what she has been through the last couple years....
And this ....visitation ..was like some evil thing gloating over the backslide. Paranormal? IDK...unexplained most certainly. And there's no need to explain it now. Just to make sure it knows it is unwelcome. She turned up, she's where she needs to be right now, we who love her are there for her and each other, and the fight begins again. I feel my mind is where it needs to be, I'm resolved, and no evil force is going to laugh about this. It's messing with the wrong people. Thank you for the well wishes and to everyone who didn't just label me a nut case out of hand. This has given me a place to talk about the wild experience without getting tossed in a straight jacket as SOP.
The doctors are being tight lipped. No surprise there. I don't need their input to retain my optimism. I know full well what all of us are up against. As a Christian, I'm inclined to believe that the evil was trying to kill hope. Take me out along with her. No joy. Our relationship will obviously not be what it was. Probably never again. Thus the feeling of gloating I'm getting. Evil is a very real thing. It wants to destroy Faith and hope. Frighten us into giving up. I'll find some measure of peace eventually and there's a group of us to support each other. There's a Pastor I know at the hospital who will be there for us too. I haven't talked to any clergy about the incident. But I will. I may need a bit of help with that.
So it's all somewhat tied together anyway. Some fellowship is most in order. Some forces you can't fight alone. I can't say I'm in a good place. But at least I know what's going on now. I don't feel powerless and in the dark. Not totally powerless anyway. It helps to know what I'm up against and even though I can't fix her, can't just reach in and take the problem out, I'm not just running aimlessly about with no clue as to where she is and what's going on. Writing here is still a good way to vent and refocus without losing sight of things. I see it as other people I can talk to even if I don't know anyone personally. So that is what was wrong. This was the driving force behind the experience, nightmare whatever anyone may choose to call it. What specific force was behind it doesn't really matter. Knowing the why is enough explanation for me at this point.
OP, I am thankful you found your friend and that she is receiving help. Although you are clearly very distressed for her, at least knowing what has happened is so much better than forever wondering and worrying about her. I hope that the doctors will be able to assess her problems and treat them appropriately and that she will regain her function and stability once again.
There is still much to be learned about PTSD and effective treatment. One suggestion - go to the Dancing Well:The Soldier Project site for some very interesting and encouraging information about an innovative and creative way of helping those with PTSD and brain injury. Not sure if something similar is available in your friend's area, but the results of this project have been stunningly impressive.
Meanwhile, I think your idea about talking with a pastor or Christian counselor (not fundamentalist) is a very good one. No matter how those "messages" you received came about, they were clearly connected with your friend's crisis and served as an alert to you that something was very wrong. In acting on your resulting concern, you may have saved a life.
OP, I am thankful you found your friend and that she is receiving help. Although you are clearly very distressed for her, at least knowing what has happened is so much better than forever wondering and worrying about her. I hope that the doctors will be able to assess her problems and treat them appropriately and that she will regain her function and stability once again.
There is still much to be learned about PTSD and effective treatment. One suggestion - go to the Dancing Well:The Soldier Project site for some very interesting and encouraging information about an innovative and creative way of helping those with PTSD and brain injury. Not sure if something similar is available in your friend's area, but the results of this project have been stunningly impressive.
Meanwhile, I think your idea about talking with a pastor or Christian counselor (not fundamentalist) is a very good one. No matter how those "messages" you received came about, they were clearly connected with your friend's crisis and served as an alert to you that something was very wrong. In acting on your resulting concern, you may have saved a life.
Who is caring for your friend's cat now?
One of the two friends who helped stand the wall with me is kind of a crazy cat lady. She has him. And he knows something is very wrong. All bug eyed and skittish. Animals know. I almost have to wonder if the same malevolent force that ...visited..me hit her as well, and triggered this backslide. No way to know right now. Nothing she says can be considered lucid at the moment. I'll look into that project site. Maybe ask the doctors if they know anything about it. Yes, I'm certainly going to talk with a pastor, and there is a counselor we have been working with who happens to be a Christian I plan on engaging as well.
Since she knows her history and what happened to her. She also knows me well too. Our history as a couple at least for the last two years since the trauma. I certainly am not going to involve fundamentalist types in this. Especially with some evil entity being in the mix. I know how fundys think. Everything that goes wrong has a demon behind it. That aspect has me freaky enough already. I never put a lot of stock in manifestations like that. Never fully dismissed them, but it wasn't something I dwelled on. Trying very hard not to dwell too much on it even now. I'm afraid that will give it more power.
I'm going to discuss it with a couple people, but the actual medical aspects of things now is where the main focus needs to be. Her spiritual healing will come. Right now their sedating her. Keeping her relaxed and trying to get through to the real her. That's what is so hard for me right now. The lack of recognition. Her not knowing how close we are and what we've been through together. The doctors called it disassociative something disorder. Whatever triggered the flashback or whatever it is that has happened has made her mind detach. Anyplace but where the bad memories are is where her mind goes. It's a defensive response/condition. Her mind may even be associating me with things because of all we've done together to try and get past it all. That's just my own theory. But if she's holding out everything that has to do with what happened it makes sense.
I also believe that if they would let us bring her the cat it would be a great help. For both of them. She's closer with that cat than she is with me or anyone else. This has happened before. She's had one other breakdown like this. But as bad as that was, and the reason it happened as well, this seems to be worse. The last one she didn't just shut down like this. She asked for me, wanted me there. Whatever triggered this has to be pretty significant. Thus my wondering if the evil that visited me is involved. I'll worry about that later. Anyway, thanks for the info on that program. Take all the help I can get. If the doctors don't know about it and it's been that successful then I'll toss it out there. Her neuropsyc Dr is a good one. He listens and doesn't play God.
Do you mind saying what the trauma was two years ago? Did it involve the paranormal?
No, it wasn't paranormal at all. I wrote a lot about it when it happened. She was attacked in an attempted rape. She successfully defended herself, but it was a hyper violent incident. And she is not anywhere close to being a violent person. The aftermath was as bad as the attack. The investigation, the police, the court stuff. Much of all that was as violating as the assault.
Since we have been through all manner of therapy, counseling, group sessions (individual and couples) t's been an ordeal. To much has and did happen to go into much more detail, but that's what happened. Yet she had healed so much. It did have an adverse effect on us for a period of time. She pushed me away, I didn't know how to react, we came back together and I've been fighting alongside her tooth and nail since. The push away time was when she had her first breakdown.
The only paranormal involvement has been just within the last week. Last few days just actually. Unless I count the transmitter/receiver connection we have developed. When she had nightmares I could "see" them without her having to tell me about it. I could pick up on her feelings and knew when to back off and when to come close without her having to say anything. Whatever this entity is seems to have smelled out a vulnerability. Perhaps does not want to see her heal. IDK. I'm hoping a pastor and the counselor can help me with that. This is the first time in my life I have ever experienced anything truly paranormal that has come directly at me/us like this.
I've had a couple of incidents like this. No, I wasn't asleep, and yes, they really did happen. Like you, I'm a Christian and so believe in survival of the soul after death, the afterlife, etc. They didn't really scare me; I just kind of shrugged and went back to bed! I'd be more afraid if I thought it was human activity, frankly.
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