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I have a life changing decision and was hoping to get some advice from others. I know this is ultimately my decision but I am so torn and would like to have some un-bias advice.
Here's my story (in a nutshell):
My husband and I moved to Vancouver 20 years ago at the age of 23 to Vancouver from Moncton NB. We were young and looking for a new exciting city and had a few friends living here so decided to make the move across the country. We were not thinking of staying here forever but just wanted to get out of the Maritimes and have more opportunity for careers etc. Plus, we wanted to be close to the ocean as we grew up close to ocean and beaches but were intrigued with bigger city, mountains and the west coast.
We ended up getting good jobs here, got married had a couple of kids and bought a townhouse in Burnaby about 10 years ago. We now have to find a bigger home for our growing family and have been looking at buying in Maple Ridge/Pitt Meadows area. We like Burnaby, but it is at least 1 million for a house, so it's out of the question. We also thought of New West but same thing, a little cheaper, but most homes are over 700k and 'fixer up'ers'. We really don't want to have to spend more than 500-600k for a home, so we really have no choice to go out to the 'burbs. I am fine with that, as I don't really like Burnaby (although the central location is great-- 20 min from everything) I find Burnaby very cold and hard to meet people. I am in the Metrotown area where there are many new Asian immigrants who tend to stay within their own circles. My 6 year old is the only caucasian girl in her class at school and while I'm looking for multi cultured, we don't seem to feel like we fit in here in this neighbourhood after 10 years only know people enough to say hello and a few other neighbours we can call friends. We are looking for a more open and friendly area, and are thinking maybe MR area might be a little more small town feeling and friendly. I could be wrong as I've never lived there, but have some friends from work who all seem to like it out there.
We have also been debating moving back to NB where we have our parents and siblings and old friends still there. The price of a beautiful home with a big yard, where you actually have space and aren't on top of your neighbours is about half of the price in MR. We could actually keep our townhouse here in BC and rent it out as an investment property and still be able to buy a home in NB, and possibly a cottage on the ocean at some point with all the savings on mortgage payments. We could have our kids grow up around family and see their grandparents more than 2xs a year and also we would like to be able to be closer to our aging parents. My husband can keep his job and work remotely so he would continue making good wages and I would be able to transfer my job. We could have a more comfortable life than living pay cheque to pay cheque. My kids could be Maritimers and I do love the down to earth friendliness that I feel Vancouver is missing and I won't feel as lonely as I do here. There would be no traffic to deal with as everything is an easy 10 min drive to anywhere in the small city.
The reason I am torn is because, I've lived here for 20 years and I really do love it here. I even love the rain! People complain about it, but I don't find it miserable compared to snow, I find it soothing to sleep to the sound of rain, and it's comforting to me. I am not one for freezing cold snow and slippery roads, wind chills, I really don't like winter. I like it around Xmas time, but then it drags on until April and there really is no spring there compared to here. The greenery and the lushness the mild winters are much more what I am accustomed to after 20 years and the thought of winter really turns me off from wanting to live anywhere but here.
I also think it will be hard to get used to the small city and I am nervous I will get there and realize why I left in the first place I hate it and be homesick and want to come back. I have young kids and I don't want to move there put them in a new school, make new friends and then move back here as that will be too traumatic.
I am sure that I will probably go through that as the thought of not living in the "best place on Earth" makes my heart sink to my stomach, although the thought of having a better life financially and being close to family should out weigh the BC lifestyle shouldn't it? I mean, there are a lot of thing about Vancouver that I don't like, mostly that I feel very lonely and it's ridiculously expensive to buy a home here unless I move way out to suburbs!
I just would like some insight as I am so torn and I feel like my emotions are not letting me decide what is right. I really need to decide and my deadline to decide has already past a week ago as I need to plan on moving this summer before school starts in Sept. If we decide to stay and buy in MR, we will need to list our townhouse now and also find a home by then as well (if we can).
I live in MR. I really like it, it has a nice community feel in my estimation, it's easy to make friends here and with all the recreational facilities and necessary amenities available it was a good place to raise my kids. I feel like it combines the best qualities of both big city life and small rural town life. I've lived all over the lower mainland over the past 40 years or so but every time I've moved to another town it was temporary and I kept on returning again to MR/PM area. If I was going to move again now it would have to be over to the island as that's the only place in southwest BC that tops the lower mainland for beauty of nature. Plus prices of homes are less over there and I think because of the slower pace of life the people there are generally friendlier and more laid back than anywhere here on the mainland.
I certainly understand how you feel about the winters in the east, and preferring the west coast rain over freezing cold snow, slippery roads and wind chills. I like our rain here too. I think you would probably like Maple Ridge but other than Maple Ridge have you given the island any consideration as an alternative? There you would have the lower prices, close access to the ocean, a community feel and be around people who are socially more open and receptive.
And how does your husband feel about leaving BC and moving back to NB?
I think you and your family should come and spend a day wandering around Maple Ridge and Pitt Meadows to get a bit of a feel for the place.
Thank you Zoisite, I really appreciate your insight. I am glad to hear you like MR, it does seem like a nice place. I have spent some time visiting the area with my family, as we have friends who live there and they really like it. I really do think once I got settled in the area I would like it too, and I could see myself living there.
The Island would be a nice place as well, as I like the Island a lot, and feel like it's a very relaxing pace, much like the Maritimes. I don't think we would go there to move though, as we already have more roots here in the lower mainland and would be easier to keep my job here.
My husband is a very adaptable person. He would be fine staying here, or moving. He is leaning on moving, only because we could live a more financially comfortable life as we would have more disposable income. He is more of a logical person and I am more emotional and worried about uprooting our life to possibly regret it.
Thanks again, and I will continue to try and come to a decision!
What about non-GVRD areas? Kelowna, kamloops, they all offer (IMO) a better family lifestyle. Like you, Vancouver was great as young DINKs but with kids and wanting affordable housing, BC has better places to offer.
Re: NB
We considered this too but found the economy and services for families to be poor in comparison to the west. We chose Edmonton for personal reasons but I'd take my kids to grow up in the non-gvrd bigger towns in a heartbeat. I grew up in the Fraser valley.
I am really not considering outside of GVRD as I don't want to start over in my 40's in a place that is completely new. I think the Okanagan sounds beautiful and probably a great place to raise my family, but I really want to be closer to the ocean :-)
The 2 biggest appeals for NB are Family (we feel very lonely in BC with zero family and no support) and also the cost of a home is around 250-300k and we could live much more comfortably without a huge 600k mortgage. Plus, people are very friendly and warm, which I find is lacking in GVRD..
Just not sure about moving there mostly because of the long hard winters and also will miss the amenities and opportunities of a larger city.
If we stay in GVRD, we will go to PM or MR for sure as we have friends and it seems to fit what we're looking for.
Besides high housing prices, I didn't see any reason for you to love.
But is high housing prices a good reason to live? Millions of families in New York, London, Paris and Tokyo live in apartments just fine, and this entitlement for a large house in North America is simply irrational.
Plus, you already have a townhouse. I don't know how big it is, but as long as it has two bedrooms you are not living too shabby. I grew up sharing a bedroom with my brother until he went to colleage and I don't find that much of a problem. Why do you need a big house in a city you don't necessarily like (and have decided to leave)?
This "because everyone else has it so I must have it" mindset is harmful. Families don't need a big house to live happily. Kids don't need too much space to grow up in either.
I am sure I won't be able to convince you and I'd like to make my point here about this "families need 2000sf house" syndrome.
Do you really envy those who live in their giant suburban houses with nothing nearby except 1-2 hour commuting each day? Or a boring city with nothing except one retail street where you can buy and do stuff?
Such a big decision. Plus expensive a move like that.
What about renting out your place while you rent somewhere in MR of PM and see if you would like to live there? Gives you time to work out where you might wish to live, in the long run.
Sympathize with you, hard to leave the ocean if you love it.
I appreciate your insight, you made some good points. I don't feel like my mindset is 'everyone else has it, so I must', but I can see how might seem that way. I want it because "I" do, not because of anyone else. I agree that there is nothing wrong with raising kids in a apartment and I have friends who live in Kits and Yaletown and are very happy with 700 sq feet because they have everything at their doorstep including city, parks, beaches etc… great place for kids! I am just not looking for that urban lifestyle, I AM looking for the suburban lifestyle which is how I grew up and what I am hoping to give my children. There are some benefits of living in suburbia, even though I can totally understand that is NOT appealing to many people, which I respect.
For me though, I am looking forward to being out of the city and in a smaller town feel, more quiet and yes, for my kids to have a yard and their own bedroom. I'm not looking for a giant house, just something modest with decent schools, a sense of community and friendly people and laying some roots. I don't feel that where I am now (metro town area) has what I am looking for.
Yes NB is boring in certain ways, but I'm not looking for big city amenities anymore. I will miss the options of shopping, restaurants and as I said I don't like winter, so that is all weighing heavily. The only reasons for me to go there would be that we would have more disposable income and we have all our family there.
Such a big decision. Plus expensive a move like that.
What about renting out your place while you rent somewhere in MR of PM and see if you would like to live there? Gives you time to work out where you might wish to live, in the long run.
Sympathize with you, hard to leave the ocean if you love it.
Thanks! Yes, we have thought about that idea :-) We also thought about renting out our townhouse and renting in NB for a year to see how we like it. Not committing to anything and we can always come back. I just don't really want to do the renting thing as I am hoping not to do that kind of limbo thing to my kids as it will be hard on them.. and me too… I'm hoping to decide and just start our life in our new area.
I think we may have to do something like that though as we can't seem to make a decision
I appreciate your insight, you made some good points. I don't feel like my mindset is 'everyone else has it, so I must', but I can see how might seem that way. I want it because "I" do, not because of anyone else. I agree that there is nothing wrong with raising kids in a apartment and I have friends who live in Kits and Yaletown and are very happy with 700 sq feet because they have everything at their doorstep including city, parks, beaches etc… great place for kids! I am just not looking for that urban lifestyle, I AM looking for the suburban lifestyle which is how I grew up and what I am hoping to give my children. There are some benefits of living in suburbia, even though I can totally understand that is NOT appealing to many people, which I respect.
For me though, I am looking forward to being out of the city and in a smaller town feel, more quiet and yes, for my kids to have a yard and their own bedroom. I'm not looking for a giant house, just something modest with decent schools, a sense of community and friendly people and laying some roots. I don't feel that where I am now (metro town area) has what I am looking for.
Yes NB is boring in certain ways, but I'm not looking for big city amenities anymore. I will miss the options of shopping, restaurants and as I said I don't like winter, so that is all weighing heavily. The only reasons for me to go there would be that we would have more disposable income and we have all our family there.
Well, if you don't want the urban experience, then feel free to move to a place that suits your need and budget.
I was suggesting staying only because you seem to be fond of Vancouver very much, which is a sizable city. If you just love the natural, there should be plenty of non-expensive towns in BC that is not Vancouver.
Besides family reasons, I really don't see a single reason to head back to NB.
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