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The problem that I have encountered when I act "approachable, friendly, and nice" is men automatically assume I want them even if they are married. If I act more aloof then think I am not friendly so I can't win. Some people have luck online dating but I have had bad experiences. One guy I met online was an hour late to a movie and told me he forgot his wallet. Another guy I met online made me pay for dinner and I had to drive an hour to see him, he would never meet me half way. I met another guy online, made me pick him up, again I ended up paying for dinner and then when I drove him home, he said I was a bad driver and ran out of the car. It goes on and on. All the guys I have met in DC have over inflated egos that think they deserve super models from ivy leagues. I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination so I don't know what the problem is. I am sick of people telling me to go out more, date more, and lower my standards. They are pretty low.
Flag on the play! Those sound like dates from Hades! You have to stand up for yourself! An hour late? "Bye dude I have other things to do! See you another time." You can't meet me? "Sorry that's too far, either we meet in X place, or you come my way." You want me to pick you up? "Heck noooo! Sorry, I'm not a taxi service." No man worth a d*** would allow any of those things to happen. But further you have to value your own time and self to say bump this! whenever someone tries to pull any of the scenarios you listed.
It's a different game these days, I'll give you that, and a lot of men are full of it--whether you meet online or in person. But don't set yourself up to be taken advantage of!
Approachable, friendly and nice works when you're out, but it's up to you to filter out the knuckleheads. One monkey doesn't stop the show. Trust me, you may attract a character you don't want, but you will attract many more with potential. I don't know, maybe it's exhausting for you now, and you need to reset. Take a time out and think about what you want and what you will tolerate. You can relax your standards without tolerating bad behavior.
In all honesty I've done the online dating thing on and off for years now and I've never met anyone from these sites where it worked out. Don't get me wrong, I've met some nice ladies and gone on multiple dates but either they weren't into me after a while or vice versa (this can happen no matter how you meet someone though). In all honesty do I think online dating has it's place? Yes. Is it for me? No.
Looking at last year I dated some gorgeous women (3) all whom I met in person. One I met at a sushi restaurant in Dupont. We had great eye contact, I approached her outside because we both left at the same time, and I chatted her up and asked for her number. I think women have their walls down when they aren't online or at a bar. Randomly meeting women works for me because I know if there is some kind of physical attraction and I can let my personality really shine in person. With online dating women are inundated with a thousand messages so I think it leads them to think there is always something better. Also, a lot of women who do online dating are socially awkward or have high expectations they haven't been able to find with men they meet day to day in person and they think prince charming may be online. I also think that when a woman meets a man in person it shows that he has confidence because he approached her and her story is a lot more interesting when she tells her friends and family she met a guy randomly out and about. Telling someone you met someone online may give people the impression there is something wrong with you (there is a stigma to it still I think and always will be). I feel if a man has confidence, is well put together, and has a personality he should have no problem meeting women and this goes for women too. I think the online dating route is good for people who are shy, getting back into the dating pool, or for people who just want to date without looking for a long-term commitment. I think it can crush a man's ego getting little to no responses and I think it can make women bitter towards men with all the trolls they will encounter online which makes it that much harder for the good guys because the bad ones have set a bad precedent. I know one guy commented on here about a woman will dismiss a guy based on his shoes. Honestly, this is a cop out. DC is a not a fashionable city so when a guy is dressed well you hear women say he is trying too hard. In a city like NYC you never hear this. This is a woman with a low self esteem who wants to knock you down a notch and someone like this isn't worth your time. One chick didn't like my shoes a few weeks ago and another one loved them a year ago. These are the same shoes by the way. The woman who liked them is into fashion and the one who didn't was dressed frumpy. Like attracts like. A well put together guy will attract a well put together woman. A frumpy guy will attract a frumpy woman. I took the shoe comment as a compliment in that I was out of this girl's league in her mind.
I think people want so much from their relationships these days. The people who doesn't deserve any good relationship, because they haven't really done nothing in their life is looking for something more than what they can handle. And people who just want a nice subtle relationship here tend to find themselves useless to talk about anything, because they really can't talk about their job, or how much money they make, or what they've done right, due to the clearance restriction. And they learn not to have any sense of humor anymore at those sort of jobs.
1. Nobody wants to date a 35 year old woman when they are younger, or older, because there are plenty of people who's smart, rich, and good looking at 28.
2. No guy wants baggage.
3. Nobody in their right mind goes online and post their pictures here that's worth anything, because they can't.
4. Your standards are higher than CA movie studios on regards to who you want in your life. Yet, you fail to become the person that the person you want wants.
5. Guys are smart here. They know, they've been through a lot of things, and they know immediately what sort of hell that's ahead if they date you. They might want to hit and quit it, but you simply have no idea why they do that. Well, think about it this way. Eventually, if things work out, they have to bring you to their parents. And sometimes you just aren't it. It doesn't matter how weird you are, but most likely you have no substantial value to yourself that even the guy you're dating can say.
6. You're stuck here, meanwhile the guy you're dating wants to move around for new opportunities. I think this is one that goes both genders, but if you're SO stuck on your own way to give the guy an ultimatum, then the guy is going to know that;
1. He can get a girl pregnant at his 50 if he wants.
2. There are plenty of new people he can meet, and you're not the end of the world.
3. He loves you, but if you say "no" to moving, then what else are you going to say "no" to in the future when moving makes all the sense for both of you?
4. Feminists are right. Guys are simple. But we know how to operate extensively complex for work, just not for relationships, because we all know girls are bat **** crazy. And that's what we're trying to avoid most of our lives. We fall in love, just as simple as fall out of love. And you might be desired, and find that one idiot that will do everything you demand of, but most successful guys will drop you the second they feel that you're one of those girls.
5. If you love us, we can give you love. I'm not talking about some trashy, douche bag that's never held a job for more than week. DC standards. We're all educated, we're all making tons of money, and we want someone that loves us more than our money, or our parents money. We've learned a long time ago money isn't everything, but it is everything. And especially guys, there are codes we go by, and it's in line with the general guy code for good guys.
Evaluate yourself as a woman to know what you're lacking and what your strength is. Because guys do this all the time. And any guy worth it knows this, and tries to improve upon the weakness. Instead of trying to fill it with super ego. But most importantly, those girls that don't understand this, we let them go with the coyotes, and we've all seen, and know where that goes.
6. It's not about smiling all the time, and saying nice things. Most of us can see through you. Girl are transparent for most well do guys. That's what they have to do as business with people who tries to hide their intentions all day long. It's really not hard to figure what woman are thinking for us. What we like is the fact that you are little insecure and you're honest about it, and when we are little insecure you tell us about it. When they say honestly, it's not some cruelty that you lash upon men, but a soft whisper and a laugh. Because that's what the right guy will do for you as well as a equal.
7. Understanding. This isn't one way street. It goes both ways, but in a different ways.
8. Everything else is trivia in 50 years. You either want a successful marriage, or a boy/girl toy. That's not how relationships work. Whatever flaws they have, once you are ok with it, you should try to either improve it for your partner or have then focus on the positive aspect of it all. Nobody does that these days. Everyone is so selfish that they say, "I want this..." or "my bf/gf is like this..." and that's what children do during recess. There is no recess for us. This is why nothing works.
9. This is going to sound ridiculous, and I'm sure a lot of you will exaggerate your marriage post to defend it, but marry your equal in wealth in a relative scale. The thing I know is the psychology of a person who grew up poor and stayed poor or became rich vs, someone opposite. When those two meet, nothing happens, because how you grew up, how you solve problems are very different as a couple. Also, your perception of the world is very different, and it will lead to divorce quickly.
10. This is going to sound more ridiculous than number 9, but there is no such thing as a soul mate.
Take DC for example. I can't use the census for 2014 for DC, because gov is not smart enough to count MD and VA, but here it goes (I'm being honest here regarding preference for race in dating, and not work, so this doesn't violate law or rules). Let's say it's 50/50 Female to Male ratio on single people - start with 100% of 50/50 in age 25 to 40:
1. If you take out all of the race that you have already consider not to date/marry = 50% (take 10 or -10)
2. Let's say you're left with 40%. Take out too short, and too tall out of this percentage = 25% (take 15 or -15)
3. Let's say you're left with 35%. Take out all of the people you think it's either too old or not old enough = 10% (take 5% or -5%)
4. Let's say you're left with 30%. Take out all of the people you are never going to meet because they're introverted (15%)
5. Let's say you're left with 15% of the DMV population. Take out all of the people you don't find interesting enough that doesn't share your values or ethics=10%. (take 5% or -5%)
6. Let's say you're left with 10% of the DMV population that you can marry or date. Take out all of the people you don't find attractive = 9%
7. Let's say you're left with 1% of the DMV population that you find interesting, that you see them as your equal, actually had a conversation with, and find attractive that shares your moral and ethical idealism. Let's take out 70% of that's either married, don't want to get married, want to focus on their career, and have a different idea about traveling or what they want to do with their life = 0.3%
8. Out of that 0.3%, take out everyone in the hospital dying and in prison serving sentences.
You're basically left with maybe 12 people in the city that are either dating now or you've overlooked because you think you're some hot stuff.
9. Out of those 12 people, 6 people will move to another city within a year to find a better paying job, and probably will loose a lot of weight, and find somebody else in another city out of the 12 that they will marry and live a really happy, and fulfilling life together.
This is both male and female in this city. You either find someone special here, or you'll be in a relationship with a special life long gift from your partner called herpes.
So you're wasting somebody from actually dating someone they want to date, because you're wasting your time dating someone who won't remember two years from now.
Also, dating mentality is like this here:
EVERYBODY wants to change the world, but NOBODY wants to change.
For reference: I'm a single male in my 30s and have lived in DC for 7 years. I make about $200k and mostly date these 'career oriented' women that many posters have bashed on here. I've dated my fair share of women, half of which were a LOT younger than I (e.g. a couple of years out of college) and the other half that were closer to my age. I've dated women that I've met at networking events, bars, hikes, happy hours and well... you name it.
1. I don't think women in DC are looking for high flying career type/wealthy men. In fact, I don't know a single woman, including my female 'career oriented' friends that are disappointed when they find out when the guy they're talking to doesn't make loads of cash. In fact, I think the vast majority of career women in DC are just looking for a guy who makes a decent salary that keeps him from living in a ramshackle studio. More importantly, I've met many attractive women in their 20s and 30s that just want to be with a normal guy. If anything, being white and tall beats making loads of money in DC;
2. The OP says that there are a lot of attractive women in their 30s and above. I have to take issue with this. It's interesting what passes for 'attractive' for a woman, when it absolutely does not for a guy. I have had so many female friends point out other 'attractive' women at bars to my male friends and I, and about half of them look like they need to go on Jenny Craig. Yes, they're makeup was perfect and so was their hair, and their dress was pretty with flower and all that stuff... but the vast majority of women in their 30s+ are either overweight, thick or have a gut. Slim women in their 30s+ are almost always taken in my experience. It's true that guys think (consciously or otherwise) about having sex with the girl they're flirting with, and when we think about folds of fat unravelling before our eye, or a gut belly, things go downhill from there.
3. DC women are largely *******. Guys may be douchebags as well, but I don't date guys so I don't care. If you're a woman in your 30s +, be nice, ask questions and if there's an awkward silent/moment then don't let it hang, ask a question and keep the convo flowing... especially if the guy approached you (and your overweight, see above);
4. Don't be afraid to give the guy your business card. This seems to be so much easier and comfortable than giving the guy your number without being asked for it.
5. If one date goes awry, don't just walk away. Hey, you're in your 30s+, time is awasting and love, unlike the movies, takes time to blossom.
In short, I was at a bar last week and spoke to a lady with a PhD, she was slim and in her 30s, attractive as well. There was another guy hitting on her so I didn't want to c*block, but when he texted her after he left the bar, she looked at her phone and told her girlfriend that he doesn't fit her criteria - whatever that may be. The other girl (who had a boyfriend) was surprised as she thought he was attractive and nice (I suppose he was as well), but she was looking for Mr. Perfect.
All I can say is that there are a number of women like that in DC and that's also why there are a number of single women in their 30s+
I find your message very depressing. Okay if you are woman and thin in DC but not career oriented, you are okay in your book. Women are more than their brains, more than their bodies, more than their status. Thiis is not guys vs girls people. Love is love, its not shopping or a to-do list. If you are open to love and are loving then you should attract that. People in DC have their heads in their phones, their papers, they dont want human contact, they dont talk to each other. They are resigned to the metro, feel angry about things but dont do anything. They just want comfort and to get to work and home, that is life. Comfort and no-shaking status quo, no feeling
well guess what, love requires feeling and getting your head out of your 'self' and who you want to "become" in the world. In the end, nobody really cares about your career quests well except here in DC, however, in your own small town, your just the same person as your were in 3rd grade, so lets get real, and be open to the world, see pain and beauty. DC Is no NYC, no San Francisco. People there are go getters but are also human, they want to feel the other .Here in DC< we want to lock ourselves in our condos, our phones and submerse ourselves in starbucks, cool gym trends, and bourgeosis, arts
For the record, I moved back to DC after 3 years hiatus. I love the quality of life the city has to offer, the beauty, but i dont like the people, they are self-centered and keep to themselves, there are some winners out there, but i signed up for eharmony a month ago because i realized i wouldnt have a chance in public.
I don't know, folks. I had no trouble meeting men after my divorce at 38. I don't anticipate having trouble at 48, either. And my sister just remarried at 58, after only being in the area for a couple of years.
You either get along with the people in the area, or you don't, and it seems like a lot of you who are complaining on here don't.
And that's okay. That doesn't make you defective. It just makes you mismatched for the area you're in. I am not gung-ho on the men in my area and can't wait to leave. The lifestyle is different here, and the values are different here. D.C., I have a lot of friends, I enjoy the lifestyle and the culture, and I just fit in better.
And the comparisons to NYC have to stop. New York sucks. It really does. It's filthy and it smells like pee. And I can say that because I'm in the area, and worked in Manhattan. Alphabet City is a vomitorium of hipsters, Brooklyn even more so. Everyone I know who frequented NYC 10 years ago who has come back to visit recently said it is a mockery of itself with all of these little smelly hipster dirtbags running around pretending they're poor while living on their parents' teats. Between them and the whiny, thumb-sucking, tantrum-throwing cops, New York is a joke these days. If you like it so much, you go there when I move to D.C. and we'll call it even, okay? But do NOT dare tell me how wonderful and friendly the people in New York are, because they are not all that. Plus, they are obnoxious about their sports teams.
I think dating sucks no matter what age bracket you're in. I think technology has destroyed actually getting to know people in person. So many people I know would rather roll the dice with an online platform when it comes to meeting people than in person. With all the options thrown at women online I think a lot of them think their is always something better. Women who do online dating aren't for me for the most part. If you can't meet someone the old fashioned way there is something wrong with you.
I think dating sucks no matter what age bracket you're in. I think technology has destroyed actually getting to know people in person. So many people I know would rather roll the dice with an online platform when it comes to meeting people than in person. With all the options thrown at women online I think a lot of them think their is always something better. Women who do online dating aren't for me for the most part. If you can't meet someone the old fashioned way there is something wrong with you.
I do like online dating, but it does have its downfalls....like, there are just too many choices, so its easy to just "move on", because you can swipe right on something else. The key to dating as a guy, is to be confident, get clear on your intention and hers, and to not be afraid to be rejected. If she is too pretty or really sexy, take a shot.....she is probably waiting for you to call.
So the general consensus is that dating pretty much sucks. Everywhere. I can tell you it's not just in DC. This is a common complaint amongst singles in every city I've lived in. Personally, I've stopped "dating", BUT I keep my heart open. Meanwhile, I just do me. What I want, and when i want. Pretty much solo most of the time since I'm not a hang-out-with-the-girls-kind-of girl. Ironically, I've been approached by more men this way than I ever did when I was "looking". Maybe there is truth in that statement when you stop looking, that's when you'll meet you mate. Do you and let love find you in it's own time.
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