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Oh brother, here we go again. I was the friend. I got an invitation. My parents are not their friends, and they would have heard from me that I got an invitation. They didn't need an invitation, but got one anyway. It's especially ridiculous since they weren't going to travel 1,000 miles to attend a wedding, and the bride/groom knew that. But hey, another $50 or so ain't bad, right?
There's a word for it: panhandling.
Robert -- if you and your parents aren't going to the wedding the only thing you need to send is your regrets. No gift required.
^Telling half your guest list you're doing something almost universally considered rude seems like a really bad idea.
No, I wouldn't tell anyone on either list (well, I wouldn't do this to begin with). I was just thinking if someone from the a list happens to mention getting an invitation to someone on the b list, who doesn't get one until a few weeks later, the cat would be out of the bag.
No, I wouldn't tell anyone on either list (well, I wouldn't do this to begin with). I was just thinking if someone from the a list happens to mention getting an invitation to someone on the b list, who doesn't get one until a few weeks later, the cat would be out of the bag.
Exactly. That's why B lists are just all around bad ideas. I think someone is nearly guaranteed to get hurt.
I agree that some invitations are sent "out of respect'. My son invited his very favorite set of my cousins knowing that they could never, ever be able to attend a wedding in California 1,500 away from their family farm but would have been quite hurt not to be included. He doesn't care at all if they send a gift or a card (and they probably won't) but he wanted them to know that he wanted them to be able to come. Ditto for his 87 year old great aunt.
We were very happy that the bride & groom started out saying "Just list everyone who needs to be invited" instead of "give us a list of x number of people".
So my side of the family invited about 50 plus aunts, uncles, godparents, & cousins of the groom. As it turns only 5 will be able to attend the actual wedding but we are throwing a big reception later this summer and hope to have about 100 of the midwest friends and relatives attend.
I am inviting out of respect. I live in Los Angeles but grew up about 3 hours from here, so even if I was getting married in CA, there are probably people who would not be able to make the 3 hour trip. Add to that the people who won't be able to make it to Ohio. I am inviting about 65 people, expecting about 5, LOL. Of my fiance's 65, we are expecting about 70. So, we are just not going to have a bride and groom's side at the church, as my 5 people (including my mom, dad, and brother) would be lonely.
I have had people tell me, when I requested their addresses, that they would not be able to attend, and I have responded that I am not inviting people who I expect to attend, I am inviting people who I feel in my heart should be included, if they are able to be there physically or not.
If you ask that people attend a rehearsal (unless it's the day of the wedding earlier in the day) you need to host them afterwards as a thank you. If that's pizza and soda/beer back at your house that's just as fine as a formal sit-down affair at a restaurant -- just be sure you do something!
The only people that we are saying need to be at the rehearsal are me and my fiancee, the best man, my parents, and my fiancee's daughter (she is my Maid of Honor). Obviously the minister, but that is it. So, we are not "planning" anything formal, as managing to get 6 people (7 if you count the minister who has already said he declines all invitations to rehearsal dinners) into a restaurant when only 2 of them live local (and his daughter is 10 so it isn't like she is going off on her own) and we all have to eat is not something I see as a problem. Especially as it is likely we will be providing the transportation for the best man. So, we are planning to treat to dinner for anyone who wants to go, but there is nothing formal planned.
Oh brother, here we go again. I was the friend. I got an invitation. My parents are not their friends, and they would have heard from me that I got an invitation. They didn't need an invitation, but got one anyway. It's especially ridiculous since they weren't going to travel 1,000 miles to attend a wedding, and the bride/groom knew that. But hey, another $50 or so ain't bad, right?
There's a word for it: panhandling.
I never send a gift if I can't attend the wedding. And I'd never expect anyone to do that - I certainly didn't expect it at my own. I hate to think that people really do that!
I never send a gift if I can't attend the wedding. And I'd never expect anyone to do that - I certainly didn't expect it at my own. I hate to think that people really do that!
It isn't expected, as gifts are technically optional at weddings. However, as I usually try to attend weddings, I feel that it is important to show love and support to the new couple, I would send one if I was not able to attend.
That said, I REALLY don't think people send invitations in hope of getting gifts. I know I am not. I am inviting the people I want to attend. If they come excellent. If they bring or send a gift, it will be appreciated. I am just not sure how I will get it home. But that is another issue.
I never send a gift if I can't attend the wedding. And I'd never expect anyone to do that - I certainly didn't expect it at my own. I hate to think that people really do that!
I guess some do and some don't I was taught that you are supposed to. I think if someone really wishes they could be there, and is close to the couple, or even the parents of the bride or groom, they might send something.
I don't think I've ever heard of having a B list. How tacky and rude. It's like saying you're not good enough to come to my wedding, or even eat dinner with us on our wedding day, but hey come dance for a couple hours and don't forget to bring us a wedding present.
We were not originally talking about it in that light.
A mother-of-the-groom was only allowed to invite 50 guests on her side even though there were more people she wanted there. When she got a declined invitation, she wanted to invite another couple she had originally wanted that didn't make the 50-person cut-off.
You are assuming people on a B list would know they were on that list. I have said from the beginning that if you can pull it off without them knowing, it's okay. Spaceconstraints are usually the reason there is a B list in the first place. If great aunt Martha can't make it, why not ask someone you wanted all along?
Even Miss Manners acknowledges people have A and B lists. The only crime against etiquette, is letting people find out they were on the B list. To the person who mentioned Facebook, yeah if your whole life is on Facebook, it wouldn't work.
BTW, where did you get the idea that we were talking about not inviting someone to the wedding or dinner? We're just talking about extending an invitation to someone not originally invited because of space issues.
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So, we are just not going to have a bride and groom's side at the church, as my 5 people (including my mom, dad, and brother) would be lonely.
