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I've never even seen this sub-forum, but just experienced something that I need to get off my chest.
I just met my nephew's new fiancee. We were having dinner, and my sister said to her: "Show her your ring!" She reached her hand over to show me - and it was my mother's engagement ring!
My mother died last May - just a year ago. I KNOW that she died with her rings on, and I had assumed that her engagement/wedding rings were buried with her. My nephew got engaged in January.
Now, I really don't care that my sister took the ring, and I'm fine with her giving it to my nephew, but what I really wanted to say in the moment to this girl was - "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW, CREEPY!"
I mean, it was on my dead mother's hand less than seven months before this young girl put it on her finger.
Then I got to thinking, well, if it was my great grandmother's ring, would it bother me so much? Probably not. Maybe time distance makes it ok?
And since my nephew and his fiancee are both in grad school and are accumulating debt, it was probably smart not to go out and buy a new ring.
But still.
How do you all feel about giving an engagement/wedding ring previously worn by a member of the family (now deceased) to a fiancee/new bride?
In a lot of families it is a family tradition to give the fiance a family members ring.
Catherine Duchess of Cambridge wears the ring that was given to Princess Diana.
I think it is a touching tribute to the one who wore the ring before.
I read a fictional book about the family jewels and realized we didn't have any. We do now and they better not bury my collection of about 30 rings, bracelets and necklaces with me. How to dispose of them is included in my will.
That is a matter of personal choice though. My sister had her wedding and engagement rings and the birthstone her husband gave her on and since men never seem to realize these things I mentioned to her husband whether he wanted to have them taken off when the casket was closed. His look said, "I bought them for her forever." I said no more. They were very expensive rings but his feelings were more important at that moment than money. It is really more practical to save them for another bride. She had three grandsons that any one of them could have saved a bundle by not having to buy an engagement ring when they married.
The person being buried will have no need for rings and grave robbers would go broke if no one buried jewelry.
My mother died last May - just a year ago. I KNOW that she died with her rings on, and I had assumed that her engagement/wedding rings were buried with her.
You didn't ask? Or see?
It's my experience that the funeral home asks the family if they want the deceased buried with their wedding rings. There must be some interesting dynamics in your family if your sister had the rings and didn't tell you.
Personally, I like the tradition of passing rings (or their stones/gems) along. We do it in my family.
I agree with many here and think it is ok, but that you also should have been aware of it.
You know I never really thought of this. My fiance and I will never have children together. I have children from a previous marriage. What will happen with my rings and things? Hmm.
Something to think about. I just asked my fiance what he was going to do with them and he said take them to the pawn shop or save them for his next woman.... I guess he is lucky I know how to laugh....... lol
Mine was a great grandmother's fake ruby (which is a whole other funny story) and I loved that ring. I loved it more because it was a family ring... although couple friends did make snarky comments about used jewelry.
However -- I think I would as EXTREMELY upset as you are. You should have never found out this way. You sister should have told you. If she had, you could have gone through your feelings and been far happier when you saw the ring.
When my mom died, my sister gave me Daddy's ring and gave my other sister my mom's e- ring, and kept her wedding band and we all know where everything went.
Assuming that the ring(s) weren't willed to anyone, the only thing I find creepy about it is that your sister apparently had the gall to take your mother's ring(s) without discussing it with her sibling(s). That's selfish, opportunistic, and unethical, imo. Did you get some items of equal value?
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