Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Oh geez...how badly do you want to attend the wedding? If you want to, your price of admission is financial assistance. If you decide to go that route, then give them what you can afford, not what they want, and they can decide how to spend it.
Otherwise, I like the previous suggestions to meet with them.
There is no good excuse for your son's behavior. He has treated you and your husband with disrespect.
Let's get technical with the money issue. As the parents of the groom, if you are asked to be full participants in the wedding -- but not without an honest and heartfelt apology and amends to both of you -- by tradition you would host the rehearsal dinner and nothing more. If your son does not put forth the effort to ask for your forgiveness, then all you should do is send them a check for a nice, but not extravagant, wedding gift tucked into a card.
Does your son have a substance abuse problem or mental illness? You're right to seek counseling to help you cope with what must be a sorrowful loss in your lives. My condolences.
You can't control what other people do, not even your son. I would ignore any request for money unless it comes from him personally. I dont think that will happen.
He probably has a better relationship with his bank than he does you. So he can go ask the bank for money.
1.
You and your husband are not ATM machines. If your son has not contacted you before hand, then my opinion is that he has a lot of nerve contacting you now, only for the basis of getting money. And what's even worse is that he contacts you indirectly, via his fiance. I would feel like this is a slap to my face. That is inappropriate and disrespectful. Dont' allow your money that you and your husband have worked hard to save, to be misused.
2.
Make it clear to him and his fiance that sending you an email is in poor form. Mature adults request aid by calling or writing a letter. Sending an email is tacky and lazy.
3.
You are under NO obligation to fund his life's choices. He is an adult. He is getting married. If they need money, then perhaps they should consider having a smaller event/ceremony, or even going to the local the justice of the peace. But don't feel morally or ethically financially responsible, to fund the endeavors and life choices of anyone who mistreats you.
I wish you all the best in whatever decision you make...
There is no way I would give any money to a child who hasn't contacted me in over a year. It is possible that his fiance has heard a different story from him, and isn't aware that you are not speaking. E-mail her back and tell her this is something that you would need to discuss in person or on the phone and to have your son call you.
You showed up on his doorstep from out of state unannounced? That's not ok. No wonder your visit went badly.
There is no way I would give any money to a child who hasn't contacted me in over a year. It is possible that his fiance has heard a different story from him, and isn't aware that you are not speaking. E-mail her back and tell her this is something that you would need to discuss in person or on the phone and to have your son call you.
This^^.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat
You showed up on his doorstep from out of state unannounced? That's not ok. No wonder your visit went badly.
And that^^ too. I would NEVER do such a thing. Ever. That's just nuts.
Isn't it amazing how some can just pop out of the woodwork and place their wants at your feet?
I agree with the suggestion about them visiting you 'in person' and having a discussion about their financial needs. . . and if that actually happened, one of the best questions you could pose is, "Son, why have you ignored us for so long and let your fiance contact us for money?"
Are we getting the whole story? Sounds like a dysfunctional family all the way around.
You JUST SHOWED UP at his door traveling 700 miles???!!!! I don't show up at anyone's house without getting a response, first. Much less traveling that far, and expect them to be happy to see me.
Maybe he's stressed and trying to just get through each day at work. Maybe he doesn't like talking on the phone. Maybe his voicemail isn't working. Did you do something that upset him and maybe he's mad at you???
No, you are under no obligation to fund his wedding. Why not plan to visit and meet and go out for dinner - at a restaurant so that you'll all behave - and ask him point blank why he has ignored you?
I have a friend who gave her daughter $1000 towards her wedding. Her daughter could choose to use it how she wished - she could elope, use it for a honeymoon, use it for whatever. She ended up using it towards a financially modest wedding at the community center.
I'll be doing the same for my daughter, albeit for more. She can choose what to do.
Maybe this is an option for you, if you reconcile? Give him x amount; they'll need to fill in the rest.
Yes I feel there is more to this story...addiction?mental health issues?...
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
