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Me and my husband both were raised in WV.After we were married,he couldnt get any work.We moved to TN,and have lived here for 16 yrs.My mom and dad lived in WV,but moved to TN,to be with us about 12 yrs ago.My daughter was raised in TN,she is now married and living in TN.We would like to move back to WV,my husbands whole family still lives there,but my mom and dad are both elderly,my dad is on dyalisis.I have tried to talk them into moving back to WV with us.They refuse,and I cant imagine leaving them.My daughter also does not understand why we want to move back,and leave her,or thats how she puts it.I am really depressed over this,because we really want to move back to WV,BUT dont know what to do.What would you do?
In your heart you know what will make you happy. Helping and being there for your family is something that is very admirable and taking the consideration of others before moving is so very thoughtful. You really have to think about where you and your husband will be happiest.
In your heart you know what will make you happy. Helping and being there for your family is something that is very admirable and taking the consideration of others before moving is so very thoughtful. You really have to think about where you and your husband will be happiest.
Thanks,its just so hard,My heart is in WV,but they really make me feel guilty.
This is a very biased opinion, so, you've been warned upfront.
I was very happy living in Ohio when a medical condition got worse and worse and really cramped my lifestyle. It came down to choosing between living in a bubble or moving to a VERY southern state. As in FL or AZ. I know this is a little different than your circumstances, but bear with me...
When the dice fell, I found myself in FL. I stayed there, symptom free, for 29 years. There was just one problem with the arrangement: I longed for autumn breezes, ice skating on frozen ponds and winter wonderlands. All around me, I knew people that planned for their retirements with long lists of what they were going to do in their golden years. When it came time for them to retire, they were stopped in their tracks by illness or an unexpected death of their spouse & they lost interest in pursuing another lifestyle alone - or leaving their beloved partner in a cemetery.
I didn't want to end up that way. I made the best of it while I was there, but I didn't want to die where I was unhappy or without seeing yet another winter wonderland or making another snow angel or snowman. I escaped from FL in 2005. I knew I ran the risk of being sick again but it was a risk that I faced head on. But lemme tell ya, when you are not happy where you are, it can adversely affect every other aspect of your life.
My personal advice is real simple, based on my experience. Life is way too short to spend it somewhere other than where you wanna be. Happiness and a sense of belonging is the ultimate in taking care of yourself.
There are people in WV on dialysis. So your father's condition could be addressed here just as well as in TN. But if he and your mom have grown accustomed to TN and like it there, they are adults too and are welcome to make that decision for themselves. There are always vacations and holidays where you can visit with each other. Your daughter is welcome to stay in TN if that's where she is happy. But she is married now and can make her own choices about where she wants to be. And a trip to WV for vacations to visit with you would mean so much more as you both age.
I would hope that you are not so nurturing as to be living your life somewhere other than where you want to be just so others can do and live as they please, with you always there serving their needs. If you belong in WV, then you need to get your butt back here and do it now! Don't make me come get you and bring you back. If I do that, I might be forced to tell your dad AND your daughter to grow up and act their age.
This is a very biased opinion, so, you've been warned upfront.
I was very happy living in Ohio when a medical condition got worse and worse and really cramped my lifestyle. It came down to choosing between living in a bubble or moving to a VERY southern state. As in FL or AZ. I know this is a little different than your circumstances, but bear with me...
When the dice fell, I found myself in FL. I stayed there, symptom free, for 29 years. There was just one problem with the arrangement: I longed for autumn breezes, ice skating on frozen ponds and winter wonderlands. All around me, I knew people that planned for their retirements with long lists of what they were going to do in their golden years. When it came time for them to retire, they were stopped in their tracks by illness or an unexpected death of their spouse & they lost interest in pursuing another lifestyle alone - or leaving their beloved partner in a cemetery.
I didn't want to end up that way. I made the best of it while I was there, but I didn't want to die where I was unhappy or without seeing yet another winter wonderland or making another snow angel or snowman. I escaped from FL in 2005. I knew I ran the risk of being sick again but it was a risk that I faced head on. But lemme tell ya, when you are not happy where you are, it can adversely affect every other aspect of your life.
My personal advice is real simple, based on my experience. Life is way too short to spend it somewhere other than where you wanna be. Happiness and a sense of belonging is the ultimate in taking care of yourself.
There are people in WV on dialysis. So your father's condition could be addressed here just as well as in TN. But if he and your mom have grown accustomed to TN and like it there, they are adults too and are welcome to make that decision for themselves. There are always vacations and holidays where you can visit with each other. Your daughter is welcome to stay in TN if that's where she is happy. But she is married now and can make her own choices about where she wants to be. And a trip to WV for vacations to visit with you would mean so much more as you both age.
I would hope that you are not so nurturing as to be living your life somewhere other than where you want to be just so others can do and live as they please, with you always there serving their needs. If you belong in WV, then you need to get your butt back here and do it now! Don't make me come get you and bring you back. If I do that, I might be forced to tell your dad AND your daughter to grow up and act their age.
I am so thankful for your advice.I want everyones honest opinion,even if its not what I want to hear.I really dont do alot for my parents.I guess its just the thought of being here.I am worried that if I do move back to WV that I will sit and worry my head off about everyone in TN.I know there is dialysis in WV,and there is really no reason for them not to move back to WV ,both sides of there family are still in WV.They are just getting old,and they say they are to old to make this type of move,but I dont know what they will do,when things really get bad,and everyone is in WV.AS FOR MY DAUGHTER,THATS WHAT i TRIED TO TELL HER,THATS THE way I looked at it,we will only be about 6 hrs away,we can visit,she can visit,she still thinks IM being selfish.Thanks for your advice.
If you want to move back to WV, then move. You're an adult, so are your parents and your adult daughter; if they PREFER staying in TN, then let them ~ they have no right trying to make you feel guilty for living your life the way you want. JMO
My heart really goes out to you; as parents age they can be so set in their ways. I'm going through a situation where my mom (81 with Parkinson's and widow) will not leave her house and acre yard to be closer to me and my brother (l5 minutes away!!) and into an over 55 beautiful complex we have here in our town. I worry about her falling, driving (she should'nt be), and so on and so forth, I cannot even elicit help from my family and I've had that guilt thing forever. It is my opinion (and only that) that as parents age they should cooperate with their adult children if it is in their best interests. I agree that your daughter can do what she wants; she's an adult. You are in a difficult situation but yes you too should be able to enjoy your life the way you want it. We never know when it's our last day here on earth. Good luck with whatever your decision; I know I haven't offered really any help but I could really feel your pain in your message. All the best!!
My heart really goes out to you; as parents age they can be so set in their ways. I'm going through a situation where my mom (81 with Parkinson's and widow) will not leave her house and acre yard to be closer to me and my brother (l5 minutes away!!) and into an over 55 beautiful complex we have here in our town. I worry about her falling, driving (she should'nt be), and so on and so forth, I cannot even elicit help from my family and I've had that guilt thing forever. It is my opinion (and only that) that as parents age they should cooperate with their adult children if it is in their best interests. I agree that your daughter can do what she wants; she's an adult. You are in a difficult situation but yes you too should be able to enjoy your life the way you want it. We never know when it's our last day here on earth. Good luck with whatever your decision; I know I haven't offered really any help but I could really feel your pain in your message. All the best!!
I know about the driving thing.My dad still drives,even drives himself to dialysis,but he really shouldnt be.He still gets around pretty good,and hes still in his right mind,so what do you do?I appreciate everyones response,I think IM one step closer to WV.
Last year or so I called a Senior "hot line" for advice on my mom. Counselor said as far as she's in her right mind I can't take her out of her house (even though I know it's the best thing for her) and she asked if my mom had ever had a car accident and I said no. So she said then I can't do anything about that - thank goodness she only drives a short distance BUT still you can get in an accident. Do you have any brothers or sisters who can help you on this??
Last year or so I called a Senior "hot line" for advice on my mom. Counselor said as far as she's in her right mind I can't take her out of her house (even though I know it's the best thing for her) and she asked if my mom had ever had a car accident and I said no. So she said then I can't do anything about that - thank goodness she only drives a short distance BUT still you can get in an accident. Do you have any brothers or sisters who can help you on this??
There ia a van out here that would even pick dad up,and take him to dialysis,its about 20 minutes from here,but they would charge him $10.00 a trip,he thinks hes saving money by driving.I have one brother,but hes not involved much.
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